Welcome to the ultimate list of date jokes and puns! If humor is your best weapon for dates, then you’ve come to the right place. We have scoured the internet for the most clever and hilarious jokes that will leave you and your date laughing till your cheeks hurt. These jokes are perfect for kids (okay, for adults too), and guaranteed to bring a positive vibe to your evening. So get ready to charm your date with these funny jokes, and who knows, you might end up with a second date!
Get ready to LOL on your next ‘date’ with these pun-tastic picks from our editor’s.
- Why did the calendar go on a date with the clock? Because they wanted to make the perfect time.
- What did the grape say to the date on their first date? I dig you.
- How did the geologist ask out the calendar on a date? With a rock-solid plan.
- Why did the tomato go out on a date with the avocado? Because they were the perfect match.
- What did the clock say when it went out on a date with the calendar? I can’t wait to see you again tomorrow.
- Why didn’t the calendar want to go on a date with the calculator? Because they always divided their time.
- How did the pencil ask out the eraser on a date? With a sharp pick-up line.
- What did the clock and the calendar do on their first date? They had a great time, they really clicked.
- Why did the apple go out on a date with the orange? Because they were both apple-solutely fruit-tastic.
- How did the phone ask out the alarm clock on a date? With a call-ender move.
- What did the cactus say to the date when they saw each other? Let’s stick together, you’re my prickle-mate.
- Why did the letter “D” go out on a date with the letter “S”? Because they wanted to be the perfect love letter.
- How did the computer ask out the keyboard on a date? With a Ctrl-Alt-Delete approach.
- What did the clock say to the calendar when they went out on a date? I hope this isn’t just a minute relationship.
- Why did the teddy bear go out on a date with the blanket? Because they were cuddle buddies.
- How did the pencil ask out the ruler on a date? With some measurement of interest.
- What did the watch say to the clock when they went out on a date? You’re ticking all the right boxes.
- Why did the light bulb go out on a date with the candle? Because they were both illuminating.
- How did the banana ask out the peach on a date? With the smoothest pick-up line.
- What did the book say to the bookmark on their first date? You make my heart skip a page.
Laugh Hard with These Hilarious ‘Funny Date’ One-Liner Jokes!
- Why did the skeleton go on a date? Because he had a bone to pick!
- I went on a date with a refrigerator, things were cool but there was no spark.
- My date asked me why I have a blanket in my wallet… I told him it’s for emergency snuggles.
- Why couldn’t the bicycle go on a date? Because it was two-tired.
- My date said he’s a big fan of gardening, I told him I’m more of a plantain person.
- Why was the math book sad on its date? Because it had too many problems.
- I’m not saying my date was boring, but even his horoscope said “same old, same old”.
- I took my date to a haunted house, but I got scared and ended up holding his hand the whole time.
- Why did the tomato turn red on its date? Because it saw the salad dressing.
- My date told me he’s a die-hard romantic… I told him I prefer to live fully.
- What do you call a lazy kangaroo’s date? A hopportunity missed.
- I went on a date with a baker, but things got sour when he brought up his ex who was loafing around.
- My date asked me if I wanted to see his “flexible muscles”… turns out he just did yoga.
- Why did the coffee date break up? Because they were always arguing about cream and sugar.
- My date said he was a “catch”, I told him I was more of a free spirit.
- What do you call a gorilla’s date? An apeeling match.
- My date said he’s into water sports… I thought he meant swimming, turns out it was just water polo.
- Why did the grape go on a date? Because it couldn’t raisin up a family on its own.
- I went on a date with a carpenter, but I didn’t think he was my type… he was too board.
- My date said he’s a master of origami, I told him I’m more of a simple fold kind of person.
Going on a ‘Date’? Better bring your funniest QnA jokes and puns along!
- Q: Why did the calendar go on a date with the clock? A: Because they liked being on the same page!
- Q: Why was the melon not allowed to take the apple on a date? A: Because it was a bad apple!
- Q: What did the orange say when asked if it wanted to go on a date? A: “I’ll peel on you!”
- Q: Why did the bread go on a date with the peanut butter? A: Because they make a great couple!
- Q: What did the calendar say to the other calendar on their date? A: “I hope we have a great time – we’re a perfect match!”
- Q: Why didn’t the calendar go on a date with the clock? A: Because the clock was always running late!
- Q: What did the watch say when it went on a date with the stopwatch? A: “I’m timing every moment we spend together!”
- Q: Why did the calculator turn down a date with the pencil? A: Because it didn’t want to make any mistakes!
- Q: What did the newspaper say when asked on a date by the magazine? A: “I have a lot of issues, but I’m still a great catch!”
- Q: Why couldn’t the notebook go on a date with the pen? A: Because it was already set on a spiral!
- Q: What did the dictionary say when asked to go on a date by the thesaurus? A: “I promise it’ll be a synonym-antic night!”
- Q: Why did the calendar break up with the calculator? A: Because it didn’t like being divided!
- Q: What did the pencil say when asked on a date by the eraser? A: “I can’t erase my feelings for you!”
- Q: What did the ruler say when it went on a date with the tape measure? A: “I hope this is just the beginning of a long measurement!”
- Q: Why did the book go on a date with the bookmark? A: Because it always wanted to be on the same page!
- Q: What did the milk say when the cookie asked it on a date? A: “I’d love to dip into this!”
- Q: Why did the sock go on a date with the shoe? A: Because they make a great pair!
- Q: What did the feather say when asked on a date by the bird? A: “I’ll wing it!”
- Q: Why did the flower go on a date with the bee? A: Because it needed some pollination!
- Q: What did the toothpick say when asked on a date by the toothbrush? A: “I pick you to be my date!”
Get Ready to Laugh: Dad Jokes about Date Night
- Did you hear about the calendar’s favorite couple? They were two days that were always together – “Dates”!
- What do you call an expired date? A “has-beenberry”!
- Why are dates always so calm? Because they can always “take it one day at a time”!
- I went on a blind date once, but it turned out to be a “date with destiny”!
- Why did the date go to the doctor? Because it had a “date accent”!
- What do you call a romantic fruit? A “heart-ate”!
- How do you make a date laugh? You “date-ily-caress” them!
- Why was the date so popular? Because it was always “in high demand”!
- Why couldn’t the date keep his hands to himself? He was a “serial date-estealer”!
- What’s a date’s favorite type of music? Pop-ular music, of course!
- Why did the date break up with the raisin? Because the raisin was “too currant”!
- How does a date stay fresh? By “raisin” the bar and “pruning” regularly!
- Did you hear about the date who tried to join a dating site? They said he wasn’t “sweet enough” for them!
- What did the dad date say when his kids asked him for a bedtime story? “I don’t know any dates, but I know a lot of raisins”!
- Why did the date bring a tiny purse on her date? She wanted to make sure there was “enough room for dessert”!
- What do you call a group of dates singing together? An “orchestra of dates”!
- How do dates show affection? They give each other “sweet, little kisses”!
- Did you hear about the date who broke up with her boyfriend? She said he was just too “date-chee”!
- Why did the date go to the doctor with a broken heart? Because it had a case of “broken date syndrome”!
- What do you call a date who loves to travel? A “jet-setting fruit”!
Get Ready to Giggle with these Fruitful ‘Date’ Puns & Jokes for Kids!
- Why did the date stand up the raisin? Because it wasn’t his type.
- What did one date say to the other when they got too close? “Hey, back off, we’re not fruit mates.”
- How did the date find a job? It had resume seeds!
- What did the daddy date say to his baby date? “You’re the cherry on top of my sundae!”
- What did the date bring to the picnic? A box of romantic raisins.
- What did the date say when asked for their favorite type of music? Soulful dates, of course!
- Why did the date go to school? To become a matured date.
- How did the farmer turn his dates into fine wine? He gave them a good raisin.
- What did the two dates say after their first kiss? “That was one sweet peck!”
- Why didn’t the dates get along? Because they were pitted against each other.
- What did the date give her boyfriend for his birthday? A romantic fruit bouquet.
- Why did the date break up with the banana? Because it was too appealing.
- How did the date prove its love to the raisin? It proposed with a carat of raisin.
- What did the date say to the blueberry on their first date? Berry nice to finally meet you!
- Why did the peach fall for the date? It had a sweet pit-ness in its heart.
- What was the date’s favorite holiday? April prunes’ day.
- Why did the date go to the doctor? It was feeling a bit datey.
- What did the grape say when it saw the date? “I have so much respect for you, you always have your life together.”
- Why did the date dress up as a superhero? To date destiny and bring love to the world.
- What did the date say when it couldn’t remember something important? “I must’ve had a date lapse!”
Laugh Your Way Through Awkward Moments: Funny Quotes about ‘Date’
- “A first date is like a job interview, except it’s more awkward and you have to pay for your own drinks.”
- “I’m not saying I’m picky when it comes to dating, but I once swiped left on a guy because he spelled ‘you’re’ as ‘your.’ #grammarperfectionist”
- “I’d rather be ghosted than take a ghost on a date. Way less commitment.”
- “Saw a couple on their first date at a fancy restaurant and the guy was wearing a t-shirt with a cat on it. Can’t blame him for being upfront about his crazy.”
- “My perfect date? Netflix, my couch, and a large pizza. Maybe a bag of chips if I’m feeling adventurous.”
- “If you can’t handle me at my ‘sweatpants, greasy hair, and no makeup’ phase, then you don’t deserve me at my ‘dressed up for a date’ phase.”
- “Blind dates are like playing Russian roulette, except the bullet is a potential love connection.”
- “I don’t understand why people are scared of commitment. Have you ever tried staying awake through a whole date? That takes dedication.”
- “The key to a successful first date is to lower your expectations. That way, you’ll either be pleasantly surprised or have a great story to tell your friends later.”
- “Dating in your 30s is like going to a yard sale. You may have to dig through a lot of junk to find something good, but when you do, it’s totally worth it.”
- “I wish my dating life was as smooth as my hair after a salon visit.”
- “I’m not saying I’m clingy, but I’d probably show up on the second date wearing matching outfits.”
- “The best part about being single? I can eat garlic bread on a date without worrying about my breath.”
- “I’m convinced that ‘Netflix and Chill’ was invented by introverts as a socially acceptable way to avoid real-life dating.”
- “My love language is 100% ‘awkward silence’ on dates.”
- “Going on a first date with someone you met online is like ordering a dish you’ve never heard of at a restaurant. You’re either pleasantly surprised or regretting your life choices.”
- “I hate when people say ‘there are plenty of fish in the sea.’ Like, have you been on a dating app lately? Those fish are slim pickings.”
- “My ideal date is one where we both agree to cancel and just stay home and watch cat videos.”
- “My love life is basically a series of ‘best before’ dates that have long expired.”
- “I don’t always go on dates, but when I do, I make sure to bring my best awkwardness and social anxiety with me.”
Sweet or sour, don’t judge a date by its fruit – Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Date
- “A good date is like a good glass of wine – it may leave you feeling a little tipsy, but it’s worth the hangover.”
- “Never trust a man who says he’ll call you back after a first date. He’s about as reliable as a squeaky bicycle.”
- “Dating is like a game of chess – it requires strategy, patience, and the ability to spot a checkmate before it’s too late.”
- “A successful date is one where you can be yourself, even if that means accidentally spilling spaghetti on your shirt.”
- “The key to a lasting relationship? Remember to always flush, both in the bathroom and in your communication.”
- “A blind date is like a lottery ticket – you never know if you’ll hit the jackpot or end up with a dud.”
- “Dating is like a buffet – sometimes you have to try a few different dishes before you find the one that satisfies your cravings.”
- “Love isn’t just about finding the right person, it’s also about learning to tolerate their weird habits and quirks.”
- “If at first you don’t succeed at dating, try, try again – or just order pizza and watch Netflix, because let’s face it, that’s pretty much the same thing.”
- “Dating someone who makes you laugh is like finding a golden ticket – hold on tight and never let go.”
- “A bad date is like a bad hair day – you just have to laugh it off and hope for better luck next time.”
- “The perfect date formula: good food + good company = a happy heart (and full stomach).”
- “Asking someone on a date is like diving into cold water – scary at first, but it can be a refreshing experience.”
- “Dating is like playing poker – you have to know when to bluff, when to fold, and when to go all in.”
- “A wise man once said, ‘Don’t put all your eggs in one basket’ – but when it comes to dating, it might be best to focus on one person at a time.”
- “A successful date is one where you both leave feeling like your cheeks hurt from smiling too much.”
- “The first rule of dating: never let anyone treat you like a second choice. You deserve to be someone’s first priority.”
- “Dating is like trying different ice cream flavors – some are sweet and satisfying, while others leave a bad taste in your mouth.”
- “A relationship without laughter is like a meal without seasoning – bland and unfulfilling.”
- “Love is like a rollercoaster – it has its ups and downs, but in the end, it’s all worth it for the wild ride.”
Dive Into the World of ‘Date’ Double Entendres Puns: A Hilarious and Flirtatious Evening
- “I’m always up for a good date, both on my calendar and with a charming companion.”
- “I may not be a calendar, but I can definitely make your dates more exciting.”
- “My ideal date? A romantic dinner followed by some calendar cuddling.”
- “Why settle for a date on the calendar when you can have a date with me?”
- “They say time flies when you’re having fun, but I’d rather slow things down on our date.”
- “Don’t worry about your calendar filling up, I’ll make sure our date is the highlight of your month.”
- “Once you go on a date with me, you’ll never want to go back to your boring old schedule.”
- “I’ll be your personal event planner on our date, no need to consult your calendar.”
- “Forget about saving the date, let’s just make every day feel like a special date with each other.”
- “I’m not great at keeping track of dates, but I promise I won’t forget ours.”
- “I may not be a genie, but I can grant you the best date of your life.”
- “Who needs a calendar when I can give you a date you’ll never forget?”
- “Let’s make this a blind date, I blindfold you and you surprise me with your outfit.”
- “Dates are like cheese, they get better with age. Let’s age together.”
- “I hope you like surprises because our date is going to be full of them.”
- “I’ll be the cherry on top of your sundae date, let’s make it extra sweet.”
- “My dating skills may be a bit rusty, but I’m eager to polish them off with you.”
- “Let’s not rush things, we can take this date slow and steady, like a snail.”
- “I know you’re busy, but how about scheduling in some time for a date with me?”
- “They say laughter is the best medicine, so let’s make our date a hilarious one.”
Going on a ‘date’ with a calendar…now that’s a ‘date’ception!
- Why couldn’t the calendar go on a date? Because it was always booked!
- I asked my crush out on a date, but she said she needed some time to calendar it in.
- The chemistry between us on our date was so strong, it could be classified as a chemical reaction!
- My date told me she was bored, so I suggested we go get some dairy. I guess you could say it was a milk date.
- I took my date to a seafood restaurant, but she was surprised when I ordered the shrimp. “I didn’t know you were into crustaceans,” she said. “Neither did I,” I replied, “but I’m open to crustacean-cy.”
- I asked my date if she wanted to go for a hike, but she said she wasn’t dressed for the occasion. “Don’t worry,” I assured her, “I brought an extra pair of suit-able shoes.”
- My date was complaining that her feet hurt from walking in heels all night. I told her she just needed to pace herself.
- My date said she wasn’t feeling well, so I asked if she wanted to go home. “No,” she said, “I want to stay out and party!” I guess you could say she had a contagious energy.
- My date and I went to see a romantic comedy, but it turned out to be a dud. “Why did you recommend this movie?” she asked. “I didn’t,” I replied, “my friend did, but I guess we can say we were blind-sided.”
- I went on a date with a geography major and asked her what her favorite country was. She replied, “I can’t pick just one! I have too many Russian through my mind.”
- My date and I went to a pottery painting class and had a great time. She even made a beautiful mug, but then she accidentally broke it. “Looks like you really mug-nified that,” I joked.
- I took my date to a fancy restaurant and ordered an expensive bottle of wine. She asked, “Do you know what year this is from?” “Well, it’s not the current one,” I laughed.
- On our first date, my date and I went to a carnival. We had a great time, but she kept insisting on playing Whac-A-Mole. “If you keep Volga up to play that game,” I warned her, “you’re going to end up with a Riga neck.”
- My date and I were at a bakery and she couldn’t decide what to order. “Just trust your gut,” I said. She replied, “But I haven’t had a dough gut!”
- I took my date to an art museum, but she was getting a bit restless. “Do you want to go get some coffee?” I asked. “No,” she said, “I just want to get Museum body moving.”
- My date and I went to a concert and ended up standing next to a group of musicians. “This is quite the concerto of events,” I whispered to her.
- I went on a blind date and my friends kept asking me how it went. “I’m not sure,” I replied, “I didn’t see her coming.”
- My date was disappointed when I brought her flowers, because she thought they were a bit wilted. “Sorry,” I said, “I just wanted to show you how I rosette for you.”
- My date and I went to a magic show, but we weren’t impressed with the magician’s tricks. “I guess he’s not much of a prestidge-sipitator,” I commented.
- After our date, I dropped my date off at her house. She turned to me and said, “Thanks for a great time, but I have a confession to make. I’m actually married.” Shocked, I replied, “Well, I guess we can say you were already taken, but I didn’t notice any ring-cidentals.”
Do you want to hear a funny Date knock-knock joke? Knock, knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive who? Olive you and I hope we go on a date!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Date. Date who? Date you make your move on me already?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Date. Date who? Date someone else, because I’m not interested.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Date. Date who? Date it wasn’t another bad Tinder match.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Date. Date who? Date I actually get a second chance with you.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Date. Date who? Date I forget to give you my phone number.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Date. Date who? Date I’ll finally take you out for a proper dinner.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Date. Date who? Date I’ll stop ghosting you and actually respond to your texts.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Date. Date who? Date I’ll stop being a commitment-phobe and ask you to be my girlfriend.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Date. Date who? Date we kiss under the stars and your heart skips a beat.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Date. Date who? Date you’ll finally see that I’m the one for you.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Date. Date who? Date I finally get to take you out on that dreamy beach date.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Date. Date who? Date we dance the night away and forget about the world.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Date. Date who? Date we make plans for our future instead of just living in the moment.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Date. Date who? Date we’ll have a cheesy romantic comedy kind of love.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Date. Date who? Date we’ll go stargazing and make wishes upon shooting stars.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Date. Date who? Date we’ll finally make our long-distance relationship work.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Date. Date who? Date we’ll have the most epic first kiss that will be talked about for years.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Date. Date who? Date we’ll sit on a rooftop and talk about our hopes and dreams until the morning sun rises.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Date. Date who? Date I’ll bring you flowers and show you how much I care.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Date. Date who? Date we’ll break all the rules and just be ourselves on our first date.
Ending on a Punny-ful Note: Date Edition!
Well, folks, that wraps up our pun-tastic journey through the world of dating. We hope these 180+ puns about dates have left you feeling giddy with laughter and ready to take on the dating scene with a witty comeback or two. And if you’re hungry for more puns and jokes, be sure to check out our other related posts. Now go forth and make some love connections, or at least some clever wordplay!
