High-Five Yourself with These 200+ Hilarious Hand Puns and Jokes!

Looking for the best hand puns and jokes to tickle your funny bone? Well, you’re in luck because we’ve hand-picked a list of clever and positive puns about hands that are sure to give you a good chuckle. These jokes are perfect for kids of all ages, and we promise they won’t leave you hanging! So without further ado, let’s dive into our hilarious hand puns and get ready to palm your way through some humor.

In-Hand-sible Laughter: Top Picks for Hilarious Hand Puns & Jokes!

1. Did you hear about the magician whose specialty was making his hand disappear? It was a real sleight of hand trick.
2. I can’t really put my finger on it, but something about you seems… hand-some.
3. My hands are so cold, I could use them as ice packs.
4. What do you call a left handed person working at a glove factory? A southpaw stitching his way to success.
5. Why couldn’t the skeleton clap his hands? He had no body to do it with.
6. Did you hear about the guy who got his left hand and his left foot cut off? He’s all right now.
7. I’m not trying to be bossy, but I’m pretty handy when it comes to fixing things.
8. I don’t mean to brag, but I give the best high-fives in town. They’re jaw-droppingly good.
9. What do you call a clumsy hand? Butterfingers!
10. The other day, my fingerprints were stolen. The police said they have nothing to go on.
11. What’s a hand’s favorite day of the week? Palm Sunday!
12. You can always count on your hand to give you a helping palm.
13. Why are hands never bored? They’re always busy waving hello!
14. How does a hand stop a horse from galloping away? It uses its reins!
15. Did you hear about the new restaurant that only serves hands? It’s called “Finger Lickin’ Good.”
16. What do you call it when you accidentally mix up the salt and sugar with your hand? A bad case of salty fingers.
17. I heard that palm readers are never fully trusted because they’re a little hand-sy.
18. If my hand was turned into a bird, I’d have to call it a palm-gull.
19. Why was the hand so happy? Because it was in glove!
20. My hand is really good at pretending to be a tea kettle. It makes a great cup of palm tea.

Unleash the Hand-y Humor with these Hilarious One-Liners & Puns!

1. I stubbed my toe while counting my fingers, and now I have a handover.
2. I tried to catch fog, but I mist.
3. I used to be a baker, but I kneaded a change of pace.
4. When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar!
5. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
6. I used to play the triangle in a reggae band, but I kept getting caught in a vicious circle.
7. Did you hear about the kidnapping at the playground? They woke up.
8. Why don’t oysters give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
9. I wanted to make a belt out of watches, but it would be a waist of time.
10. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investi-gator.
11. I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
12. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
13. What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
14. Why can’t you trust atoms? They make up everything.
15. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
16. I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
17. The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
18. What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes? Remorse code.
19. Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
20. The rotation of the Earth really makes my day.

Getting a ‘handle’ on humor with these hand-based proverbs!

1. A bad carpenter always blames his tools, but a good one knows how to use his hands.
2. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, unless it’s a turkey – then you’re just hungry.
3. An open palm often leads to a full stomach, but a closed fist usually leads to a black eye.
4. The early bird may get the worm, but the early riser gets the coffee.
5. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you – unless it’s covered in chocolate.
6. A penny saved is a penny earned, but a penny found in your pocket is pure profit.
7. If at first you don’t succeed, try again with one hand and a different approach.
8. Life is like playing cards – you have to make the best of the hand you’re dealt.
9. You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, and even more with a fly swatter in your hand.
10. A rolling stone gathers no moss, but it’s a great way to exercise your hand-eye coordination.
11. The world is your oyster, so don’t be afraid to crack it open with your hands.
12. You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, but you catch the most with a hand vac.
13. A watched pot never boils, but a distracted cook tends to burn their hands.
14. Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back – with a bandaged paw.
15. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink – unless you bring your own straw.
16. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket, unless you have really good hand-eye coordination.
17. You can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs, but you also can’t do it without washing your hands first.
18. Too many cooks spoil the broth, but enough cooks can whip up a killer potluck.
19. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but you can teach it how to shake hands.
20. Rome wasn’t built in a day, but it sure would have been faster if they had a power drill.

Palms Up for some Hilarious QnA Jokes & Puns about Hands!

1. Q: What do you call a dishonest hand? A: A palm-o-fleecer.
2. Q: How many fingers does the average hand have? A: 11, if you count the thumb as a finger.
3. Q: What do you call it when one hand washes the other? A: A hands-on partnership.
4. Q: Why did the hand cross the road? A: To get to the other hand.
5. Q: What did the left hand say to the right hand? A: High five, cousin!
6. Q: What do you call a hand that’s always late? A: A posterior-digital appendage.
7. Q: Why did the hand go to the doctor? A: Because it was feeling a little un-hand-y.
8. Q: Why did the hand go to the bar? A: To get a shot of te-quill-a.
9. Q: How does a tree feel after losing a branch? A: Un-hand-le-d.
10. Q: What do you call a lazy hand? A: A palm-muted idle.
11. Q: What do you call a frisking hand? A: A shake-down palm.
12. Q: Why did the hand need new shoes? A: It had a case of athlete’s hand.
13. Q: Why did the hand become a musician? A: It was skilled in fingering.
14. Q: What happened when the hand went on strike? A: It was fore-palm-ed to return to work.
15. Q: How do hands communicate? A: Through sign language.
16. Q: How did the hand get a date? A: It put a ring on it.
17. Q: What’s the best way to catch a fish? A: With a good hand reel.
18. Q: What did the hand get for dessert? A: A five-finger scoop of ice cream.
19. Q: What’s the hand’s favorite breakfast food? A: Toasted fingers and cream.
20. Q: Why did the hand feel left out? A: Because it wasn’t included in the handshake.

Handy Humor: Dad Jokes & Puns about Hands

1. “Why are hands the best tools? Because they’re always handy!”
2. “I asked my hand if it needed a break, it replied, ‘no, I’m just resting palm face.'”
3. “I shook hands with a vegetarian once…it was a big missed steak.”
4. “Why did the nervous hand take a Xanax? Because it was feeling a bit jittery.”
5. “My hand and my face are having a competition, they’re in a tight ‘race’ to see who gets to my mouth first!”
6. “What did the left hand say to the right hand? High five!”
7. “The hand got a job at the nail salon…it was a real ‘handyman’.”
8. “I asked my hand if it knew sign language, it replied ‘I’m all thumbs’.”
9. “Why don’t hands ever fight? Because they always ‘make up’.”
10. “I recently lost my hand in a poker game…but luckily I still have a good ‘hand’ in life.”
11. “I heard the thumb and pinky finger broke up…they just weren’t ‘digits’ for each other.”
12. “What do you call a hand that’s always on time? A ‘hand’ clock.”
13. “My hand was in a bad mood, so I told it to ‘give me five’…and it did!”
14. “I told my hand to document everything, it replied, ‘I’ve got it under control, I’m a note-taker’.”
15. “Why did the hand go to the doctor? Because it was feeling ‘dis-hand-ted’.”
16. “I bought a painting of a hand for my living room, it really ‘tie’ the room together.”
17. “What’s a hand’s favorite sport? Handball, of course!”
18. “I tried to write with my hand but it refused…it said it was ‘handi-capable’.”
19. “I asked my hand what it wanted to be when it grew up, it replied ‘a hand model’.”
20. “My hand just told me a joke…it was a real ‘palmed’y.”

Double the Fun: Hand-crafting Hilarious Double Entendres Puns!

1. “I’ve got a handful of jokes, but I’ll give you the handful that’s safe for work.”
2. “You can’t handle all of this wit.”
3. “I call this my ‘hand-y’ little quip.”
4. “I have a hand for puns, and it’s always on deck.”
5. “I’ve got some aces up my sleeve, but I’ll stick to these hand jokes for now.”
6. “My hands may be small, but my pun game is strong.”
7. “Hands down, these are the best jokes I’ve got.”
8. “Sorry, can’t shake your hand right now – I’m all out of sanitizer.”
9. “I’m just trying to get a ‘handle’ on these jokes.”
10. “I can palm off some pretty good one-liners.”
11. “I’ve been told I have a ‘handful’ of humor, but I prefer to call it pure talent.”
12. “I’m handy with both hands and puns.”
13. “I’d high five you, but I have to keep a safe social distance.”
14. “I’m all fingers and thumbs when it comes to making people laugh.”
15. “These jokes may be a little rough around the edges, but hand me a break.”
16. “I’ll lend you a hand with these hilarious puns.”
17. “I’m not afraid to ‘hand’ out some eye-rolling jokes.”
18. “People say I have a ‘gift’ for puns, but I think it’s just my dexterity.”
19. “I’m just ‘handing out’ these jokes for free – they’re too priceless to charge for.”
20. “My hands may be small, but my puns are mighty.”

Getting a handle on some clever hand-in-hand recursive puns

1. “Did you hear about the hand that couldn’t stop clapping? It had a round of applause-itis.”
2. “I tried to make a pun about my hand, but it fell flat.”
3. “Why did the hand go to therapy? It had a lot of unresolved palm issues.”
4. “I’m giving you a high five for these hand puns…wait, does that make it a ten?”
5. “What did the hand say to the face? Nothing, it was busy giving a hand!”
6. “Why was the hand unable to hold a pencil? It lacked finger coordination.”
7. “If you need help with puns, just give me a sign…language interpreter for your fingertips.”
8. “Why did the hand go to the doctor? It felt a bit under the weather.”
9. “I made a hand pun, but it’s a bit of a stretch.”
10. “My friend’s hand is always cold, so I told her to give it a warm hug-nail.”
11. “How do you fix a broken hand? With a handy-dandy bandage, of course!”
12. “Why did the hand win the race? It was the fastest high-fiver in town.”
13. “I told my hand it needed a break, but it just gave me the silent treatment.”
14. “What do you call an injured hand? A palm-dicapped one.”
15. “I told my hand jokes, but it just wouldn’t palm.”
16. “Why did the hand go on strike? It was overworked and underappreciated.”
17. “What’s a hand’s favorite type of music? Finger-pickin’ good tunes.”
18. “My hand is my go-to for fashion advice. It always knows what’s at hand- yet stylish.”
19. “Why was the hand considered the best actor? It was used to nailing its roles.”
20. “What did the hand say when it got a paper cut? Well, this really cuts into my plans.”

Handing Out Hilarious Malapropisms: A Play on Words Gone ‘Hand’ in Hand

1. “I need to roll up my sleaziness before going to bed.”
2. “Don’t give me any lip, I’ll slap you with my hamfist.”
3. “I can’t make a decision right now, my hands are tide.”
4. “Let me lend you a ham with those groceries.”
5. “I have a heavy hangover from last night’s drinking.”
6. “I’m all thumbs when it comes to fixing things.”
7. “I’ll shake your house instead of your hand, it’s the polite thing to do.”
8. “My handwriting is as clear as muddle.”
9. “I have a handache from texting all day.”
10. “My hands have a mind of their own, they’re always wandering off.”
11. “I’ll give you a hand up, you look like you could use it.”
12. “I have a flawless poker face, my hands give nothing away.”
13. “I have a strong finger on the pulse of this company.”
14. “I’m going to roll up my sleeves and get my hands dirty.”
15. “I caught you red-handed with that cookie in your mouth!”
16. “I have butterfingers when it comes to catching balls.”
17. “I’ll write a strongly-worded letter with my chicken scratch handwriting.”
18. “My hands are full with this new baby, but I couldn’t be happier.”
19. “I’ll throw my hat in the air to show my excitement.”
20. “I’m going to get my hand on that promotion, mark my words!”

Hand Over a Laugh with These Hilarious Tom Swifties

1. “I need to wash my hands,” Tom washed his hands dutifully.
2. “I can’t find the hand sanitizer,” Tom said off-handedly.
3. “This glove doesn’t fit,” Tom remarked single-handedly.
4. “I can’t hold this much longer,” Tom said with a heavy hand.
5. “Could you lend me a hand?” Tom asked, reaching out.
6. “I’m just all thumbs today,” Tom said with a clumsy hand gesture.
7. “I’ll hand you the pencil,” Tom handed it over.
8. “I’ll pick you up at the train station,” Tom offered a helping hand.
9. “I’m a pro at blackjack,” Tom said, dealing a winning hand.
10. “I think I’ll paint my nails,” Tom said with a colorful hand.
11. “I’m feeling confident,” Tom said, rubbing his hands together.
12. “I can’t stop waving,” Tom said, hand in the air.
13. “I’ve been working on my grip strength,” Tom said with a firm handshake.
14. “This watch is always a minute slow,” Tom said, checking his handiwork.
15. “I’m trying to quit smoking,” Tom said while stubbing his cigarette with a shaking hand.
16. “I’m a master carpenter,” Tom said, showing off his handiwork.
17. “I’m ambidextrous,” Tom said, writing with his left hand.
18. “I’ll make you dinner tonight,” Tom said, rolling up his sleeves.
19. “I’ll catch you if you fall,” Tom said with a steady hand.
20. “I’ll lend you a hand with that project,” Tom offered, handing over his tools.

Handy Spoonerisms: Getting a Handle on Humor

1. Sand Hook
2. Band Hug
3. Grand Hand
4. Wand High
5. Land Shake
6. Hand Saw
7. Dandy Hair
8. Mandi Hand
9. Hand Way
10. Gland Hammer
11. Randy Hang
12. Handsome Dan
13. Handle Grip
14. Stan Dump
15. Handmade Land
16. Bran Honey
17. Fan Dandy
18. Canned Ham
19. Tand Happy
20. Band Stand

Knock-knock. Who’s there? Hand me a laugh with these jokes!

1. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hand. Hand who? Hand me a tissue, I just laughed my hand off!
2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hand. Hand who? Hand me the keys, I’m driving you crazy!
3. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hand. Hand who? Hand over the remote, it’s my turn to control the TV.
4. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hand. Hand who? Hand me a pen and paper, I have some great jokes to write down.
5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hand. Hand who? Hand me a cookie, and I’ll let you in on the punchline.
6. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hand. Hand who? Hand me my phone, I need to take a picture of this hilarious moment.
7. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hand. Hand who? Hand me the scissors, I’m feeling scissor-y!
8. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hand. Hand who? Hand me the mic, I’m ready to drop some epic jokes.
9. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hand. Hand who? Hand me a hug, I need a good laugh.
10. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hand. Hand who? Hand me the controller, I’m about to beat you in this video game.
11. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hand. Hand who? Hand me a map, I’m lost in this sea of laughter.
12. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hand. Hand who? Hand me a towel, I think I just peed my pants from laughing.
13. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hand. Hand who? Hand me a tissue, my cheeks are hurting from smiling too much.
14. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hand. Hand who? Hand over your funny bone, because you’re about to lose it with this joke.
15. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hand. Hand who? Hand me a mirror, I need to see if my face is as red as yours from these jokes.
16. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hand. Hand who? Hand me a sandwich, I’m getting hungry from all this laughing.
17. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hand. Hand who? Hand me a bag, I think I’m about to split my sides from laughing.
18. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hand. Hand who? Hand me a dictionary, I’m running out of words to describe these hilarious jokes.
19. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hand. Hand who? Hand me the spotlight, it’s time for me to shine with some knock-knock jokes.
20. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hand. Hand who? Hand me a high five, these jokes are off the charts!

Hands Down, These Jokes Will Leave You Palmed!

Well folks, now that we’ve reached the end of our hand-themed pun and joke extravaganza, I think it’s safe to say we’ve really grasped this topic by the wrist! But before we wave goodbye to our hilarious hand humor, let’s give a round of applause to all the other pun and joke posts out there. Because when it comes to witty wordplay, we all know it’s best to lend a helping hand and give credit where credit’s due. So go ahead and give those posts a hand, and keep on laughing your fingers off!

Ahmad Raza

I’m Ahmad Raza, the pun-derful maestro behind PunnyPeak.com! As the chief architect of hilarity, I’m on a mission to spread joy, one pun at a time. Crafting jokes that tickle your funny bone is my forte, and PunnyPeak.com is the whimsical wonderland where laughter reigns supreme. Get ready for a rib-tickling adventure as we explore the crevices of humor – PunnyPeak style! Find My Best Puns.

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