Cheers to Laughter: 220+ Jokes and Puns About Drinking

Ladies and gentlemen, get ready to raise your glasses and your eyebrows because today we’re serving up the best of the best when it comes to drinking puns! We’ve got a list of clever and creative jokes that will have you and your kids laughing for days. Trust us, these are the kind of puns that will make your nightcap even more enjoyable. So let’s dive in and get our humor on with these hilarious jokes about drinking. Cheers to a positive and pun-filled time!

Unwind with a Glass of Laughter: Drinking Puns & Jokes – Our Top Picks

1. Why did the wine go to therapy? Because it had bottle issues.
2. I’m a wine enthusiast. The more wine I drink, the more enthusiastic I become.
3. How do you make a Scotch and soda? Hire a private detective.
4. I would tell you a joke about beer, but I don’t want to get malted.
5. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
6. I told my wife I was going to make a bike out of old wine corks. She said I should cork my enthusiasm.
7. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
8. I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer dos beers.
9. Why do they call it a “beer belly”? Because “food storage unit” sounded too fancy.
10. How do you make a Scotch and water? Use really small glasses.
11. Why did the bartender eject the drunk patron? He was just being too whiney.
12. How does a peanut feel after it’s had a few drinks? Peanut happy.
13. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
14. Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
15. My favorite drink is iced tea. Not to be confused with narcotics, of course.
16. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investi-gator.
17. Why are pirates so good at drinking? They can hold their rum!
18. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
19. Why don’t skeletons ever drink alcohol? They can’t handle their spirits.
20. A hamburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”

Quench Your Thirst for Humor with These Drinking One-Liner Jokes!

1. “I don’t always drink, but when I do, it’s because my kids drove me to it.”
2. “I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a wine enthusiast.”
3. “I tried to save water by drinking beer, but I got too drunk and took a long shower.”
4. “Alcohol is not the answer, but it does make you forget the question.”
5. “I have a strict rule about drinking, I only do it when I’m awake.”
6. “My doctor told me to watch my drinking, so now I only do it in my rearview mirror.”
7. “Why did the wine go out of business? It couldn’t compete with beer-ly legal.”
8. “I’m on a seafood diet, I see wine and I drink it.”
9. “Why did the beer go to the gym? To get a six-pack.”
10. “I don’t always drink coffee, but when I do, I prefer it to be mixed with Bailey’s.”
11. “Alcohol may not be the answer, but it helps you forget the question.”
12. “My doctor said I should stay away from spirits, so now I only drink beer and wine.”
13. “Why did the Irish stop drinking coffee? It kept disappearing before they could add whiskey.”
14. “It’s not a party until someone brings out the Jell-O shots.”
15. “Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? It ran out of juice.”
16. “Wine not? Life is short, so drink the good stuff.”
17. “Why did the tequila go to the gym? To work on its agave abs.”
18. “Not to sound cocky, but I don’t need a holiday to drink wine. It’s a daily celebration for me.”
19. “I don’t have a drinking problem, I have a drinking solution.”
20. “My doctor said I need to cut back on drinking, so I only have one glass at a time.”

Wisdom with a Twist: Hilarious Proverbs & Witty Sayings on Drinking

1. “In wine there is truth, but sometimes that truth is just that you’ve had too much to drink.”
2. “Life is too short for cheap wine, but long enough to regret the expensive whisky.”
3. “Drinking may not solve your problems, but neither will water, and at least with wine you have a good time.”
4. “Tequila makes my clothes fall off, but so do high winds and slippery floors.”
5. “A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts, so don’t trust a sober man who says he loves you after a few beers.”
6. “Beer is like liquid bread, except it makes you a lot more interesting at parties.”
7. “Alcohol may not be the answer, but it definitely helps you forget the question.”
8. “I only drink on days that end in ‘y’.”
9. “They say ‘drink responsibly’, but I don’t see how I can be held responsible for anything I do after seven margaritas.”
10. “Wine is the classiest beverage, until you try to open a bottle with a shoe.”
11. “It’s always five o’clock somewhere, which explains my perpetual state of drunkenness.”
12. “I have a great diet, it’s called the ‘Drink Until You Look Good’ plan.”
13. “When life gives you lemons, add vodka and throw a party.”
14. “I may have taken the ‘hair of the dog’ a little too literally this morning.”
15. “I’m not an alcoholic, I’m just a professional wine taster.”
16. “A hangover is just your body’s way of reminding you of all the fun you had last night.”
17. “The best things in life are either free or really expensive, like a good bottle of scotch.”
18. “A glass of wine a day keeps the doctor away, or at least makes dealing with them a lot more enjoyable.”
19. “I don’t have a drinking problem, I have a ‘not enough glasses’ problem.”
20. “Drinking may not solve all your problems, but neither will water. It’s all about perspective.”

Cheers to These Hilarious QnA Jokes & Puns about Drinking!

1. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
2. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
3. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
4. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
5. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investiGATOR.
6. Why did the chicken go to the seance? To get to the other side.
7. How do you catch a squirrel? Climb up in a tree and act like a nut!
8. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
9. What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.
10. How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.
11. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
12. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
13. How does a taco say grace? Lettuce pray.
14. What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.
15. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? Because it was two-tired.
16. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investiGATOR.
17. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
18. How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.
19. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
20. Why did the chicken go to the seance? To get to the other side.

Cheers to Hilariousness: Dad Jokes & Puns about Drinking

1. “Why was the coffee arrested? It was mugged.”
2. “I used to play chess with my friend all the time, but he always beats me. I guess I’m just not a good checker.”
3. “How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.”
4. “Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.”
5. “I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.”
6. “Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired.”
7. “I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.”
8. “Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up? It was two-tired.”
9. “I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.”
10. “I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer to do it on a boat with my fishing rod in hand.”
11. “Wine is like duct tape, it fixes everything.”
12. “I’m not an alcoholic, I’m just an enthusiastic drinker.”
13. “Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!”
14. “I don’t trust atoms. They make up everything.”
15. “Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.”
16. “I don’t enjoy drinking with women who have one-night stands. They call it ‘wine-ing’ instead of ‘whining’ for a reason.”
17. “Alcohol doesn’t solve problems, but then again, neither does milk.”
18. “I accidentally drank a little food coloring last night. The doctor said I’m okay but I feel like I’ve dyed a bit inside.”
19. “Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the ‘No-bell’ prize.”
20. “I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.”

Cheers to Cleverness: Drinking Up Delicious Double Entendres Puns

1. “I can’t promise I’ll be sober, but I can promise you a good time.”
2. “I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a professional drinker.”
3. “I have a strict rule about not drinking on an empty glass.”
4. “Alcohol may not solve all your problems, but neither will water.”
5. “I have mixed drinks about feelings.”
6. “I have a wine-ing problem.”
7. “I don’t get drunk, I just get less classy and more fun.”
8. “I’ll drink to that, but only because I didn’t understand what you said.”
9. “I have a two-beer limit, but I keep going over it.”
10. “I don’t remember last night, but I’m sure I had a good time.”
11. “I’m not drunk, I’m just drinking in my personality.”
12. “Beer: because sometimes you need a hug in a mug.”
13. “Wine not?”
14. “I’m not sure if it’s the wine talking or the person drinking it.”
15. “I’ll stop drinking when I run out of alcohol or my liver calls it quits.”
16. “Alcohol may be a temporary solution, but it sure makes the problems more fun.”
17. “I have a sixth sense for detecting when happy hour starts.”
18. “I don’t have a drinking problem, I have a drinking solution.”
19. “I have a wine glass that’s always half full, and I have the other half too.”
20. “I should really be more responsible and drink during the day instead.”

Bottoms Up for These Recursively Funny Puns about Drinking

1. I told my friend I was going on a liquid diet. He asked how long, and I said, “Well, it’s recursive, so I’ll be drinking forever.”
2. I keep forgetting my bottle opener at home. It’s a vicious cycle of sobriety.
3. The bartender said they were out of beer, so I replied, “Well, I guess I’ll just have to drink recursively then.”
4. I was feeling down, so I decided to drown my sorrows in another drink. Little did I know, I was just recursively drinking my problems away.
5. My doctor told me to cut back on my drinking. I guess I’ll have to start drinking recursively instead.
6. I asked the bartender for a glass of recursion. He said, “Sorry, we don’t serve drinks that loop back.”
7. I’ve been trying to quit drinking, but it’s a never-ending loop of temptation.
8. My therapist recommended that I start drinking recursively. Apparently, it’s a healthy coping mechanism.
9. I heard drinking recursively can lead to a hungover continuum the next morning.
10. My friend asked me what my favorite type of beer is, and I said, “Anything that’s recursive on tap.”
11. I was hanging out with a group of mathematicians, and they kept making puns about constant recursion. I couldn’t handle the infinite amount of jokes.
12. My girlfriend broke up with me because I drank too much. I guess she couldn’t handle the recursion.
13. They say you should drink responsibly, but drinking recursively takes it to a whole new level.
14. Every time I try to quit drinking, my friends just tell me to stop being so recursive.
15. My doctor said I have a severe case of recursive drinking. I asked for a second opinion, and he said, “Can’t you see? It’s right there in your glass!”
16. I was planning to stop drinking for Lent, but then I realized it’s a recursive holiday.
17. My mom told me to slow down on my drinking, but little does she know, I’m just following the recursive pattern of my family.
18. I can’t remember the last time I drank without thinking about recursion. It’s a vicious cycle.
19. They say time flies when you’re having fun, but it really just feels recursive when you’re drinking with friends.
20. I went to a party where everyone was taking shots of Recursive Vodka. Needless to say, things got a little out of control.

Mixing Spirits with Sense: Drinking Juxtaposition Jokes

1. “I don’t always drink, but when I do, I prefer a glass of fine wine…and a shot of tequila on the side.”
2. “They say you should drink 8 glasses of water a day…but they never said anything about filling them with vodka.”
3. “What’s the best way to start a morning? A hot cup of coffee…with a splash of Bailey’s.”
4. “I don’t have a drinking problem, I have a drinking solution.”
5. “I like my whiskey like I like my men…aged and constantly improving with time.”
6. “I don’t always drink, but when I do, it’s because someone said ‘bottoms up’.”
7. “I never thought I’d be the type to drink alone…until I discovered Netflix and wine.”
8. “They say you shouldn’t mix alcohol with medication…but they never said anything about mixing it with milkshakes.”
9. “A drunk mind speaks sober thoughts…but a drunk mouth can’t always form the words correctly.”
10. “They say good things come to those who wait…but great things come to those who mix their own cocktails.”
11. “Instead of counting sheep, I count my shots before bed.”
12. “Why did the beer go to the gym? To get a six-pack.”
13. “I don’t have a drinking problem, I have a drinking schedule.”
14. “They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away…but a bottle of wine a day keeps everyone away.”
15. “Why did the wine go to therapy? Because it had too many grape expectations.”
16. “Beer: because sometimes wine just doesn’t cut it.”
17. “They say laughter is the best medicine…but have you tried a margarita?”
18. “I don’t need therapy, I just need a glass of wine…or maybe the whole bottle.”
19. “They say money can’t buy happiness…but it can buy a margarita, and that’s pretty much the same thing.”
20. “I have mixed drinks about feelings.”

Cheers to These Hilariously Mistaken ‘Drinking’ Malapropisms!

1. “I’ll just have a bloody mirror instead of a Bloody Mary.”
2. “Can I get a gin and genocide instead of a gin and tonic?”
3. “I’ll take a shot of Fireballad instead of Fireball.”
4. “I’ll have a sloe grin instead of a slow gin.”
5. “I prefer my wine on the rocks, like a Merlot glacier.”
6. “Do you have any hemlocktails on the menu?”
7. “I’ll have a bitter dead instead of a bitter beer.”
8. “I’ll have a white widow instead of a white Russian.”
9. “I’ll take a round of kamikaze pilots instead of kamikaze shots.”
10. “I’ll have an old-fashioned blaze instead of an old-fashioned cocktail.”
11. “Can I get a whiskey stinger, but make it a real bee sting?”
12. “I’ll have a highballerina instead of a highball drink.”
13. “I’ll have an Irish cream dream instead of an Irish coffee.”
14. “Can I get a Malibu Barbie instead of a Malibu Bay Breeze?”
15. “I’ll have a mauve sangria instead of a mixed sangria.”
16. “I’ll take a caipirinha car instead of a caipirinha cocktail.”
17. “Do you have any Mai Tai cartwheels on the menu?”
18. “I’ll have a peachy keen instead of a peach bellini.”
19. “I’ll take a tequila sunrise surprise instead of a tequila sunrise.”
20. “Can I get a cosmover instead of a cosmopolitan?”

Tom Swifties Were Totally ‘Soda-Wonderful’ With Drinking!

1. “This beer is so good,” Tom said thirstily.
2. “I can’t handle another shot,” Tom said stoutly.
3. “I’ll have a drink with you,” Tom said spiritedly.
4. “I’ll take a sip,” Tom said gingerly.
5. “I’m feeling tipsy,” Tom said offhandedly.
6. “I drank too much,” Tom said regretfully.
7. “I could use a stiff drink,” Tom said stiffly.
8. “I’ll have a double,” Tom said with a twist.
9. “I’ll have what she’s having,” Tom said flirtatiously.
10. “This margarita is too strong,” Tom said weakly.
11. “I hate tequila,” Tom said disdainfully.
12. “I’m getting drunk,” Tom said sloppily.
13. “I can’t handle my liquor,” Tom said unsteadily.
14. “This wine is giving me a headache,” Tom said winingly.
15. “I’ll have a martini, shaken not stirred,” Tom said bond-ishly.
16. “I’ll have a drink to that,” Tom said cheerily.
17. “I’ll drink to anything,” Tom said blandly.
18. “These cocktails are too expensive,” Tom said pennywise.
19. “I can hold my alcohol,” Tom said soberly.
20. “Another round?” Tom said roundly.

Cheers to Cleverness: Spoonerisms about Sipping and Slurping

1. Sipping Delley instead of Dilly Sipper
2. Happy Plour instead of Pappy Hour
3. Lager Room instead of Rager Loom
4. Booze Hound instead of Hooze Bound
5. Cider Stinks instead of Spider Cinks
6. Tipsy Sead instead of Sipsy Tea
7. Cocktail Chatter instead of Chocktail Latter
8. Wino Mistletoe instead of Mineo Wistletoe
9. Shots Fired instead of Fots Shired
10. Gin and Bear it instead of Bin and Gear it
11. Whiskey Licked instead of Liskey Wicked
12. Sloshed and Bound instead of Blushed and Sound
13. Vodka Vomit instead of Voda Vokmit
14. Breezy Olde instead of Oozy Bride
15. Inebriated Wunderkind instead of Widerated Unberkind
16. Pinot Party instead of Party Pinot
17. Martini Nap instead of Nartini Map
18. Sober Drunk instead of Dober Srunk
19. Buzzed by the Bar instead of Buzzed by the Car
20. Whiskey Wishkey instead of Wiskhey Whiskey

Sip, Sip, Hooray!: Knock-knock Jokes about Drinking with Friends

1. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Booze. Booze who? Booze your imagination and open the door!
2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Beer. Beer who? Beer me, I’m thirsty!
3. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wine. Wine who? Wine not let me in?
4. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Vodka. Vodka who? Vodka you want me to leave?
5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Whiskey. Whiskey who? Whiskey business, open up!
6. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Tequila. Tequila who? Te-kill-ya later, I have a drink to finish.
7. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Gin. Gin who? Gin-gle bells, it’s happy hour!
8. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Rum. Rum who? Rum away with me!
9. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Margarita. Margarita who? Margarita the more the merrier!
10. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Champagne. Champagne who? Champagne wishes and caviar dreams, let me in!
11. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cider. Cider who? Cider you open the door, my hands are full of drinks!
12. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Scotch. Scotch who? Scotch me in, it’s time for a toast!
13. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Mai Tai. Mai Tai who? Mai Tai you a drink, sir?
14. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Gin and tonic. Gin and tonic who? Gin and tonic the perfect combination!
15. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Jägermeister. Jägermeister who? Jägermeister making jokes, let me in!
16. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Sangria. Sangria who? Sangria-lly need a drink, let’s party!
17. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Martini. Martini who? Martini glad to see you, let’s raise a glass!
18. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Mimosa. Mimosa who? Mimosa be the best night ever, let’s drink up!
19. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Sake. Sake who? Sake-sake now, let’s have some fun!
20. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Punch. Punch who? Punch me in the face if I’ve had too many drinks!

Cheers to a Puntastic Wasted Wrap-Up!

Well folks, that brings us to the end of our alcohol-infused joke journey. We hope these puns and jokes about drinking have left you with a buzz and a few good laughs. So, it’s time to raise your glass and toast to more witty wordplay and hilarious humor. And if you’re craving for more, make sure to check out our other posts on puns and jokes – they’re sure to leave you in high spirits. Cheers! *Clink*

Ahmad Raza

I’m Ahmad Raza, the pun-derful maestro behind PunnyPeak.com! As the chief architect of hilarity, I’m on a mission to spread joy, one pun at a time. Crafting jokes that tickle your funny bone is my forte, and PunnyPeak.com is the whimsical wonderland where laughter reigns supreme. Get ready for a rib-tickling adventure as we explore the crevices of humor – PunnyPeak style! Find My Best Puns.

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