Sink Your Fangs into these 200+ Vampire Puns and Jokes

Looking for a list of clever, humorous and positive puns about vampires? Well, you’ve come to the right place, my thirsty friends! Get ready to sink your fangs into the best jokes about our sucky and sparkly friends. From cheesy one-liners to blood-curdling wordplay, these puns are bound to make you howl with laughter. So sit back, relax, and prepare to vamp up your sense of humor with these puns about vampires. Just be careful not to get a case of the giggles when you’re around the necks… I mean next… generation!

Sink your Teeth into These Spooktacular Vampire Puns & Jokes – Our Top Picks!

1. Why did the vampire cancel his dinner party? Because he didn’t have the stomach for human food.
2. Did you hear about the vampire who passed out while sucking blood? He wasn’t feeling himself.
3. How do you make a vampire mad? Take away their fangs and call them a bat.
4. What’s a vampire’s favorite fast food restaurant? Stake ‘n Shake.
5. Why did the vampire go to the doctor? He was coffin too much.
6. How do you get a vampire to laugh? Tell them a funny neck-ting joke.
7. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of clothing? A bat shawl.
8. Why do vampires avoid the beach? They’re afraid of garlic knots.
9. What do you call a group of vampires playing cards? A bat-te royale.
10. What do you call the most famous vampire in history? Vlad the Inhaler.
11. How does a vampire like his steak cooked? Rare, with a bit of bite.
12. Why was the vampire always out for blood? Because he was vein.
13. What do you call a vampire that’s always on time? A punctual-yte.
14. Why did the vampire stop writing in his diary? He was tired of recounting his eternal life story.
15. What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? Neck-tarines.
16. What did the vampire say when he saw his reflection for the first time? “I’ve been waiting for this mirror-cle moment.”
17. How do you get a vampire to exercise? Chase them with a wooden stake.
18. What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday? Fangs-giving.
19. Why did the vampire move to a new coffin? He was ghosted by his old roommates.
20. What do you call a vampire who loves to dance? A cob-webbyt.

Sink Your Teeth Into These Hilarious Vampire Puns & Jokes!

1. Why was the vampire in such a bad mood? Because he was feeling a little drained.
2. What do vampires do after they get married? They go on a honeymoon on the Transylvanian coast.
3. Why did the vampire go to the doctor? Because he was coffin all day.
4. What do vampires use to keep their hair in place? Hairspray-er.
5. Why did the vampire need mouthwash? To get rid of the blood taste.
6. What do you call a vampire’s wife? His loved one.
7. Why did the vampire read the New York Times? To catch up on the latest obituaries.
8. What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday? Fangsgiving!
9. Why did the vampire flunk his math test? Because he was caught counting his bats instead of sheep.
10. How does a vampire greet his friends? With a blood-curdling scream.
11. Why did the vampire refuse to fight? Because he didn’t want to drop his fangs.
12. What do you call a vegetarian vampire? A veggiepire.
13. How do vampires get around town? By using bat-teries.
14. What do you call a group of bats hanging out together? A vampire party!
15. Why don’t vampires like garlic? Because it gives them bad breath.
16. What’s a vampire’s least favorite type of weather? Sunny-side up.
17. What does a vampire use to keep his hair sleek and smooth? A bat-comb.
18. Why was the vampire kicked off the baseball team? Because he was always caught stealing.
19. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of music? Blood-pumping beats.
20. Why did the vampire quit his job at the blood bank? It was always a late shift.

Blood suckin’ and pun-lovin’: Hilarious vampire proverbs!

1. “A vampire a day keeps the doctor away, but the garlic farmers in business.”
2. “A vampire should never be afraid of garlic, it’s just proof that you have good taste.”
3. “A vampire can never have too much blood, but too much sun can turn you into a raisin.”
4. “A stake a day keeps the vampires at bay, but a pint of blood keeps them at play.”
5. “The early bird gets the worm, but the early vampire gets the blood bank.”
6. “A wise vampire never drinks from the same neck twice.”
7. “There’s no such thing as an unpaid debt in the vampire world, just a delayed drink.”
8. “A vampire’s smile is like a boomerang, it always comes back to bite you.”
9. “A garlic necklace may ward off vampires, but a diamond one will definitely attract them.”
10. “Being a vampire is like being on a permanent juice cleanse, but with more flair.”
11. “A vampire never ages, they just gain more experience points.”
12. “Some say love is blind, but for a vampire, it’s just a lack of reflection.”
13. “A vampire’s dream job? A sommelier at a blood bank.”
14. “No wonder vampires sleep during the day, have you seen the price of sunscreen?”
15. “They say money can’t buy happiness, but for a vampire, it can buy a lifetime supply of blood.”
16. “A vampire in love is a heartbreaker, literally.”
17. “Age is just a number for vampires, unless it starts with a 6 and ends with a 0.”
18. “A vampire’s worst nightmare? Dentists with garlic breath.”
19. “If life gives you lemons, add some sugar and make lemonade. If life gives you vampires, run for your life.”
20. “Remember, a vampire never knocks, they just enter your life unexpectedly.”

Sink Your Teeth into These QnA Jokes & Puns about Vampire Lore

1. Why did the vampire quit his job as a dentist? Because he was tired of sucking teeth.
2. What did the vampire say to the dentist? “You can count on me to never cancel an appointment.”
3. How do vampires communicate with each other? With blood-curdling screams.
4. Why did the vampire go to the doctor? Because he was coffin.
5. How does a vampire keep his breath fresh? By using fang paste.
6. Why did the vampire switch to a plant-based diet? Because he wanted to be a cauliflower.
7. What do vampires use to cook their meals? A cauldron.
8. How do you become a vampire’s favorite food? Offer yourself as a bite-ime snack.
9. What do you call a vampire that lives in a kitchen? Count Spatula.
10. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of ship? A blood vessel.
11. How does a vampire like his steak? Deadly.
12. What do vampires eat before bedtime? Garlic bread.
13. Why did the vampire always sleep during the day? He was retired.
14. How does a vampire like his coffee? Dark and with plenty of body.
15. What does a vampire never order at a restaurant? A stake sandwich.
16. Why don’t vampires get dandruff? They use head and fright shampoo.
17. What do you call a vampire with a pop culture obsession? A Fangtastic.
18. How many vampires does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they prefer the dark.
19. What’s a vampire’s favorite dance move? The Bleeder’s Waltz.
20. How does a vampire check the time? With his coffin watch.

Sink Your Teeth into These Fang-tastic Dad Jokes & Puns about Vampires!

1. Why are vampires afraid of dentists? They can’t stand the idea of someone else having a bite at their neck.
2. What do you call a vampire who likes fruit? A count chocula.
3. What did the vampire say when she saw her reflection? “I look fang-tastic!”
4. How does a vampire start a letter? “Tomb it may concern.”
5. Why do vampires avoid rain? They’re afraid of getting bat hair.
6. Why did the vampire go to art class? He heard they were learning how to draw blood.
7. How many vampires does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they prefer the dark.
8. What did the grape say to the vampire? “You’re really draining me dry.”
9. What’s a vampire’s favorite mode of transportation? A ‘fang’cycle.
10. How does a vampire like his steak cooked? ‘Rarest’ is always best.
11. What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman? Frostbite.
12. How do you know if a vampire has been in your house? You’ll find all your neck cushions missing.
13. What did one vampire say to the other when he was feeling down? “Why don’t you ‘un-dead’ this up a bit?”
14. Why are vampires so easy to fool? Because they’re suckers for anything.
15. What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? Blood-oranges.
16. How do you keep a vampire entertained? Give him a ‘stake’ to play with.
17. Why are vampires great at baseball? They’re always ready to ‘bat’ for their team.
18. What do you call a vampire who loves vegetables? A ‘zombie’pire.
19. Why did the vampire take up knitting? He wanted to intertwine his love for blood and gore with a peaceful hobby.
20. What did the vampire say when she looked in the mirror? “I guess that’s why they call it a reflection, because my hair looks ‘fang-tastic’ today!”

Sink Your Teeth Into These Fang-tastic Vampire Double Entendres Puns

1. “Why did the vampire go to therapy? He had a coffin’!
2. “Why don’t vampires get hungry at midnight? Because they have a bite curfew!”
3. “What’s a vampire’s favorite dance move? The fang-tastic shuffle!”
4. “Why did the vampire switch from drinking blood to tea? He wanted to improve his plasma!”
5. “Why did the vampire’s holiday get cancelled? Because it was a stake-cation!”
6. “What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? Neck-tarines!”
7. “Why did the vampire take up cooking? He wanted to learn how to make a killer stew!”
8. “What do you call a vampire who likes to sleep in? A day-sleeper!”
9. “Why did the vampire go to the gym? He needed to work on his bat-titude!”
10. “Why do vampires make terrible spies? They can’t help but leave a little bitemark!”
11. “Which famous vampire was also a successful rapper? Count Dracula-daddy!”
12. “Why don’t vampires like telling jokes? Because they always end in dead-pan delivery!”
13. “What do you call a vegetarian vampire? A fang-less eater!”
14. “Why do vampires excel in math? Because they’re good at counting- their victims!”
15. “What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman? Frostbite marks!”
16. “Why don’t vampires like taking showers? They prefer to have a bat-h!”
17. “What do you get when you cross a vampire with a lawyer? A lawsuit sucks-ucker!”
18. “Why did the vampire go to school? He wanted to get a degree in neck-gineering!”
19. “What do you call a vampire who loves to travel? A globetrotting bat-liever!”
20. “Why did the vampire get fired from his job at the blood bank? He kept taking a sip-atone every time!”

“Countless Fang-tastic Recursive Puns about Vampire

1. What do you call a vampire who loves math? A count=count.
2. Why did the vampire take a DNA test? To see if he had any fa-fangs-tors.
3. I knew a vampire who could count in binary. He was a bite-ist.
4. How did the vampire learn to code? He took byte-classes.
5. What do you call a group of vampires playing cards? A bat-tle royale.
6. Why did the vampire go to the dentist? He had a tooth-ache.
7. How does a vampire start a letter? Greetings and sa-lutations.
8. I tried to tell a vampire joke, but it just came out in vein.
9. Why did the vampire go to the art museum? He wanted to see some master-pieces.
10. What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman? Frost-bite.
11. How does a vampire start his day? With a bite-ot cereal.
12. Why did the vampire take up knitting? He wanted to make some neck-wear.
13. I tried to tell a vampire joke, but it was too crypt-ic.
14. What does a vampire do when he’s hungry? He goes to the blood bank for a with-drawal.
15. How does a vampire get around town? On his bite-cycle.
16. Why did the vampire switch to decaf? He didn’t want to be too strong for his victims.
17. How many vampires does it take to change a light bulb? None, they prefer the dark.
18. What do you call a vampire who works on Wall Street? A stock-broker.
19. How does a vampire like his steak cooked? Bloody rare.
20. Why did the vampire go to the library? He wanted to check out some red-velvet books.

Vampire Vocabulary Vampiresque: A Twist on Malapropisms

1. “I’m thirsty for some vampire soda!”
2. “I need to put on some sunscreen, don’t want to get too light-sensitive.”
3. “I’ve got a bad case of the blood-snickles.”
4. “The Count is always counting his chickens before they hatch.”
5. “I was coffin my coffin with garlic recently.”
6. “That’s a stake in the heart, not a steak on the grill.”
7. “I’m not a fan of vampirical literature.”
8. “I could fly 1,000 bights with these wings!”
9. “I’m so hungry, I could suck a horde!”
10. “We’re just trying to blend in with the mortal boils, er, humans.”
11. “Don’t you know it’s rude to interrupt someone’s coffin?”
12. “Sorry, I can’t come out during the bunlight.”
13. “I’ve been going to the gym to build my spooky strength.”
14. “I’m sleeping upside-down, that way I won’t have bed fangs when I wake up.”
15. “Can you please pass the crosswords?”
16. “I’ve been feeling a bit bat-minton lately, must be the moon.”
17. “I’ve been trying to find a nice ghoulfriend, but it’s hard out there for a vampire.”
18. “Bleh! I’m drunk on tomato juice again.”
19. “Did you hear about the vampire who got a cape-ectomy?”
20. “I’m Count Chocula Berry for Halloween this year.”

Sink your teeth into these clever ‘Vampire’ Tom Swifties!

1. “I vant to suck your blood,” said the vampire lamely.
2. “This Transylvanian castle is so gothic,” Dracula exclaimed cryptically.
3. “I’m feeling a bit drained,” said the vampire wearily.
4. “I love garlic,” the vampire confessed with a sigh.
5. “I don’t have a reflection,” said the vampire reflectively.
6. “I have an insatiable thirst for knowledge,” the vampire said inquisitively.
7. “I’m always in a coffin,” the vampire said lying down.
8. “I’m a night owl,” said the vampire under his breath.
9. “I never get cold feet,” said the vampire chillingly.
10. “It’s time for my nightly snack,” said the vampire hungrily.
11. “I’m never afraid of crosses,” said the vampire with a cross expression.
12. “I’m never caught off guard,” said the vampire with his cape caught on a branch.
13. “I can never get a good tan,” said the vampire darkly.
14. “I prefer my blood type rare,” said the vampire uncommonly.
15. “I’m always on the lookout for fresh blood,” said the vampire with a keen eye.
16. “I have a bad case of garlicphobia,” said the vampire irritably.
17. “I’m always chasing after my victims,” said the vampire with a running start.
18. “I always enjoy a good sunrise,” said the vampire sunnily.
19. “I’m never late for dinner,” said the vampire punctually.
20. “I’ll take my steak rare,” said the vampire medium-rare.

Vampire Slop Spoons: Amusing Spoonerisms About Bloodsucking Beasts

1. “Sampire Vlaying” (Vampire Slaying)
2. “Fang Bites” (Bang Fights)
3. “Undead Dread” (Dead and Undead)
4. “Veak Vampires” (Weak Vampires)
5. “Glood Suckers” (Blood Suckers)
6. “Coffin Thumping” (Thoffin Cumping)
7. “Bite of the Vampire” (Vite of the Bampire)
8. “A Stake in the Neck” (A Nate in the Sneck)
9. “Bite Me, Drac!” (Might Be, Brite!)
10. “Nosferatu Nibbles” (Nesferatu Nibbles)
11. “Bat’s Blood” (Sat’s Blud)
12. “Gunning for Garlic” (Gunning for Gallik)
13. “Sucking on Stakes” (Stucking on Sakes)
14. “Fanged Fiends” (Feigned Finds)
15. “Vampire Valerian” (Valpire Vamperian)
16. “Eternal Thirst” (Thernal Eirst)
17. “Count Chompula” (Chount Cumpula)
18. “Vampin’ It Up” (Vupmin’ It Amp)
19. “Mistress of the Night” (Nistress of the Might)
20. “Blood-Lusted Beauties” (Lust Blooded Beauties)

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Fang-tastic Vampire Jokes!

1. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Fangs. Fangs who? Fangs for letting me in, it’s pretty hard with these sharp teeth.
2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dracula. Dracula who? Dracula, I’m your biggest fan!
3. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Blood. Blood who? Blood-sucking vampire, that’s who!
4. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Vlad. Vlad who? Vlad the Impaler, but you can call me Vamp for short.
5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Garlic. Garlic who? Garlic won’t keep me away, I’m a vampire, not a vampire hunter.
6. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Batty. Batty who? Batty bloodthirsty vampire, that’s who!
7. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Count. Count who? Count Chocula, the chocolate-loving vampire.
8. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Transylvania. Transylvania who? Transylvania call me a cab, I’m getting tired of flying everywhere.
9. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Countess. Countess who? Countess it a blessing to be a vampire.
10. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Vampires Anonymous. Vampires Anonymous who? Sorry, I can’t tell you that information, it’s confidential.
11. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bat. Bat who? Bat-tastic, it’s another night for me to feast on some blood.
12. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Nosferatu. Nosferatu who? Nosferatu of your business, mortal.
13. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Transylvania Park. Transylvania Park who? Transylvania Park your car in my coffin, it’s cozy in here.
14. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bloodmobile. Bloodmobile who? Bloodmobile be the most convenient way for me to get my daily supply of blood.
15. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Vladmir. Vladmir who? Vladmir the vampire, pleased to make your acquaintance.
16. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Vein. Vein who? Vein not even scared of garlic, bring it on!
17. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Immortal. Immortal who? Immortal don’t need jokes, we’re already living forever.
18. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bathtub. Bathtub who? Bathtub full of blood, my favorite type of bath.
19. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Countertop. Countertop who? Countertop without a reflection, that’s the life of a vampire.
20. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bonkers. Bonkers who? Bonkers for blood, that’s me!

Counting Down the Bite-iest Vampire Puns!

Well, folks, looks like we’ve come to the end of our fang-tastic collection of vampire puns and jokes. We hope these blood-sucking quips have given you a howling good time. If you want to sink your teeth into more comedy, be sure to check out our other pun-derful posts on werewolves, witches, and all things supernatural. And remember, as Count Dracula would say, “I vant to make you laugh!” Happy punning!

Ahmad Raza

I’m Ahmad Raza, the pun-derful maestro behind PunnyPeak.com! As the chief architect of hilarity, I’m on a mission to spread joy, one pun at a time. Crafting jokes that tickle your funny bone is my forte, and PunnyPeak.com is the whimsical wonderland where laughter reigns supreme. Get ready for a rib-tickling adventure as we explore the crevices of humor – PunnyPeak style! Find My Best Puns.

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