Are you ready to raise the bar on your humor and have a few good hops and laughs? Look no further than this list of the best, most clever alcohol puns and jokes about that bubbly beverage. These jokes are sure to get you and your friends giggling like little kids at a soda shop. So pour yourself a glass and get ready to be entertained with some positive vibes and a touch of wit. Because who says alcohol can’t be funny? Cheers to hilarious jokes about your favorite pint!
Raise Your Glass to These Hilarious ‘Alcohol’ Puns & Jokes – Our Top Picks!
- Why did the beer go to therapy? Because it had a drinking problem.
- What do you call a bear who loves to drink? A beer enthusiast.
- How many tequila shots does it take to change a lightbulb? Just Juan.
- Why did the wine need an ID? Because it was under “aged.”
- What kind of music do mummies listen to at a bar? Wrap music.
- I used to drink a lot of energy drinks. Now I can’t afford them because they’re Red Bull.
- What’s a pirate’s favorite type of alcohol? Arrr-buckle rum.
- How do you make a fruit punch? Give it some boxing lessons.
- Why did the bartender get arrested? He was caught serving minors.
- I accidentally drank a little food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
- What did one beer say to the other at the bar? You look hoppy today.
- What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
- Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
- What did the wine say to the glass? I’ve been bottled up all day.
- Why did the stadium get so hot after the game? Because all of the fans left.
- What’s a cannibal’s favorite drink? A Bloody Mary.
- Why did the blonde refuse to drink root beer? She heard it was unhealthy for her roots.
- I tried to go on a liquid diet, but then my fridge broke and all my ice cream melted.
- What do you call a bear with a glass of wine? A wine bear-er.
- Why was the beer mad at the wine? Because it was a little bitter.
Tipsy Tidbits: Hilarious ‘Funny Alcohol’ One-Liners and Puns to Make You Laugh
- I used to think alcohol was the answer, but then I realized I was asking the wrong questions.
- Alcohol may not solve your problems, but neither will milk.
- My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
- Alcohol doesn’t make you fat, it makes you lean… against tables, chairs, and walls.
- I don’t have a drinking problem, I have a “thirst-quenching” solution.
- I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a “high-functioning” drinker.
- My favorite drink is the next one.
- Alcohol is my liquid courage.
- They say you can’t buy happiness, but you can buy alcohol, which is pretty much the same thing.
- I don’t drink to forget, I drink to enhance my memory.
- Alcohol: because no good story ever started with someone eating a salad.
- Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. -Benjamin Franklin (maybe)
- A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world.
- I have mixed drinks about feelings.
- Why did the rum go to the party? Because it was tired of being bottled up!
- I never trust someone who doesn’t drink… Even Jesus turned water into wine.
- I only drink on days that end in “y”.
- Everyone needs a “drinking partner”, mine is my liver.
- I always feel like a superhero after a few glasses of wine… My alter ego is “Wine-O Woman!”
- In dog beers, I’ve only had one… okay, maybe two.
Brewtifully Blunt: Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Alcohol
- “Drink responsibly, because you never know when your alcohol will start speaking for you.”
- “A drunk mind speaks a sober heart.”
- “The best cure for a hangover is a bigger glass.”
- “In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.”
- “The only problem with drinking too much is that the next day you remember just how good it felt.”
- “A hard drinker can handle all the stress life throws at them, until they run out of alcohol.”
- “I have never been drunk, but sometimes I swear I could walk in a straight line if I wanted to.”
- “Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.”
- “One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.”
- “Beer: helping ugly people have sex since forever.”
- “Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.”
- “An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do.”
- “I never drink water because fish f**k in it.”
- “My doctor told me I should start drinking more water. So I started drinking more beer.”
- “Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but then again neither does milk.”
- “I don’t have a drinking problem, I have a drinking solution.”
- “I don’t trust people who don’t drink. How can you trust someone who has never been tipsy?”
- “I don’t always drink alcohol, but when I do, it’s socially acceptable.”
- “They say you can’t buy happiness, but you can buy alcohol and that’s pretty much the same thing.”
- “Alcohol is like a hug in a glass, only better because it doesn’t have arms to crush you.”
Cheers and Giggles: QnA Jokes & Puns about Alcohol
- Q: Why was the beer always feeling stressed? A: Because it had a lot of brewd problems.
- Q: How do you know when it’s time to stop drinking? A: When you start seeing double and feel like you’re drinking twice as much.
- Q: What did the grape say when it got stepped on? A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
- Q: Did you hear about the drunk pastor? A: He was preaching spirits on Sunday.
- Q: Why don’t scientists trust atoms? A: Because they make up everything, including alcohol.
- Q: What do you call it when a beer falls in love with a wine? A: A brew-mance.
- Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth? A: A gummy bear.
- Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? A: Frostbite.
- Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut.
- Q: Why did the coffee file a police report? A: It got mugged.
- Q: What do you call a fake noodle? A: An impasta.
- Q: How does a penguin build it’s house? A: Igloos it together.
- Q: Why was the math book sad? A: Because it had too many problems.
- Q: What do you call a belt made out of watches? A: A waist of time.
- Q: How do you organize a space party? A: You planet.
- Q: What does one wall say to the other? A: I’ll meet you at the corner.
- Q: Why don’t skeletons fight each other? A: They don’t have the guts.
- Q: What do you call a fish that wears glasses? A: A see-fish.
- Q: What do you call a bear with no ears? A: B.
- Q: What did one plate say to the other? A: Dinner is on me.
Pouring on the Laughs: Dad Jokes & Puns about Alcohol
- Why was the wine in a time out? Because it was misbehaving.
- What did the beer say to the wine? You’re looking grape today.
- When do you know it’s time to stop drinking tequila? When you start to see four instead of two.
- What’s a pirate’s favorite type of alcohol? Rum-springa.
- Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? Because it was two-tired from all the beer.
- What do you call a bear that can’t handle its whiskey? A boozy bear.
- I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
- What do you call an alcoholic dog? A woofer.
- Why don’t sharks drink alcohol? Because they’re afraid of getting hammered.
- I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.
- Why was the rum gone? Because I drank it all.
- How do you get a bartender’s attention? Yell “Shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot!”
- Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
- What did one craft beer say to the other? I’m a brew-believer.
- I tried to buy some camo pants for my dad, but I couldn’t find any.
- Why don’t they serve alcohol at math parties? Because you can’t drink and derive.
- How do you organize a space party? You planet.
- A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Why the long face?” The horse replies, “I’m an existentialist in a world of capitalism.”
- Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
- What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
Sip on Some Hilarious ‘Alcohol’ Double Entendres Puns
- “I like my whiskey how I like my men – smooth and full-bodied.”
- “I don’t have a drinking problem, I have a drinking solution.”
- “Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? Because it ran out of juice!”
- “I don’t always drink, but when I do, I prefer to be inebriated.”
- “Alcohol may not solve your problems, but neither will water.”
- “I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a wine-enthusiast.”
- “My doctor told me to watch my drinking, so now I only watch it go from bottle to glass.”
- “I love cooking with wine… sometimes I even put it in the food.”
- “Why is it called a ‘hangover’ and not’ alcohol regret’?”
- “I only drink on days that end in ‘y’.”
- “I don’t have a drinking problem, I have a drinking opportunity.”
- “Don’t trust atoms, they make up everything – even your drink.”
- “I didn’t realize how many calories were in my drink until I started counting how many bottles it took to make me feel good.”
- “There’s never a bad time for a gin and tonic, except when you’re trying to make a baby.”
- “Alcohol is not the answer, but it sure does make you forget the question.”
- “I’m not drunk, I’m just drinking in cursive.”
- “I’m not sure if it’s the wine talking, but I really love wine.”
- “Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly?”
- “Let’s raise our glasses and toast to being classy, sassy, and a little bit gassy.”
- “I’m not an alcoholic, I’m just alcohol’s biggest fan.”
Drunken Laughter: Recursive Puns about Alcohol
- Why did the wine bottle keep telling jokes? Because it had a great punch(line).
- I tried to tell my friends about my drinking problem, but they just kept saying I had a “drinking down” issue.
- My doctor told me to cut back on my alcohol intake, so now I only have one drink…at a time.
- A beer a day keeps the therapist away…at least that’s what I keep telling myself.
- I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, it’s like a bear: I get a little grizzly.
- What did the wine bottle say to the martini glass? “You just can’t handle my spirit!”
- My favorite type of whiskey? Recursive: the one that makes me forget I have a drinking problem.
- I may have a problem with alcohol, but the real issue is that I just can’t find a good bartender.
- I told my wife I wanted to quit drinking, and she said it was just a “brewse” to get attention.
- They say alcohol is a depressant, but anytime I see a full bottle, I get so excited! That’s some uplifting brew.
- Why did the grape stop drinking? He was tired of peeling (pealing) over in the morning.
- I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer it recursive…because it’s always one after another.
- Why did the vodka go on a diet? It wanted to become a spirit-ually slimmer drink.
- My friends told me I needed to take a break from drinking, and that’s how I ended up at an AA meeting…at a bar.
- The best part about drinking recursive alcohol? It never runs out! It just keeps coming back for more.
- My therapist told me to take up a new hobby, so now I’m a member of a bourbon-tasting club. It’s really fermenting my soul.
- Why did the wine go to therapy? To get to the “rout” of its problems.
- I may have a drinking problem, but at least I have good taste.
- They say you should never mix your drinks, but isn’t that what bartenders do all the time?
- My love for alcohol is like a Monty Python sketch…it just keeps going and going and going.
Tipsy Tongue Twisters: Hilarious Alcohol Malapropisms to Make You Laugh
- “I went on a bender last night and woke up with a massive remorseover.”
- “That bartender sure knows how to make a good martitle.”
- “I can’t handle any more drinky-pies, I’m already feeling wasty-faced.”
- “After a few shots, I was feeling wine-toed and couldn’t walk straight.”
- “I’m not drunk, I’m just a little grape-loopy.”
- “I’ve had one too many tiquilas and now I’m seeing double margarines.”
- “I’ll have a gin and trigonic, please.”
- “I’m never drinking again, I got so swine-blinded last night.”
- “The vodka cranberry was so strong, it gave me a grape-ache.”
- “I’m not an alcoholic, I’m just a wine enthusiast.”
- “I need to apologize for my drunk-tial behavior last night.”
- “I can’t handle the hangover, I feel like I’ve been hit by a basta-cake.”
- “After a few beers, I always get the munchies for some cheez-wining.”
- “My doctor said I need to cut back on my rum-enated drinks.”
- “I think someone spiked my orange juice with some wogle seeds.”
- “I can’t remember anything from last night, I must have had too many bramble cognacs.”
- “I always wake up with a cosmopolitan headache after a night of cocktails.”
- “I just got promoted to chief executive wino.”
- “I was completely cabernet last night, I don’t know how I got home.”
- “I’ll have another beer please, I want to reach my peppermint limit tonight.”
Cheers to These Clever ‘Alcohol’ Tom Swifties!
- “I love drinking vodka,” Tom said spiritedly.
- “I’ll take a shot of tequila,” Tom said bravely.
- “I can’t handle anymore beer,” Tom said soberly.
- “I’ll have a gin and tonic,” Tom said mixingly.
- “I think I’ve had enough wine for one night,” Tom said grapesfully.
- “I can’t see straight,” Tom said blindly.
- “I’m feeling a little tipsy,” Tom said lightly.
- “I’m starting to feel the effects of the alcohol,” Tom said drunkenly.
- “I’ll have another round,” Tom said circling back.
- “This rum is making me feel so warm,” Tom said heatedly.
- “I could use a little more liquid courage,” Tom said nervously.
- “I’ll just stick to water tonight,” Tom said soberly.
- “I feel like a pirate with this rum,” Tom said arrrrdently.
- “This wine is really bringing out the flavors of the food,” Tom said tastefully.
- “I don’t usually drink, but tonight I’ll make an ale-ception,” Tom said hesitantly.
- “I can’t believe I drank that whole bottle of scotch,” Tom said single-handedly.
- “I’ll have whatever makes me forget my ex,” Tom said piningly.
- “I think I’m starting to see double,” Tom said twofold.
- “I’ll take this hangover as a sign that I had a great night,” Tom said headache-ingly.
- “I’ll have a Mexican beer with a lime,” Tom said twistfully.
Cheers to ‘Alcohol’ Spoonerisms: Playfully Slurring Your Words
- “Brew tooth” instead of “toothbrush”
- “Drink beater” instead of “beer taster”
- “Cocked tale” instead of “ticked off”
- “Liquor bizard” instead of “bicker lizard”
- “Wine snitch” instead of “fine switch”
- “Tipsy brews” instead of “busy troops”
- “Champagne fame” instead of “fancy name”
- “Jello shots” instead of “shot jellies”
- “Bar stall” instead of “star ball”
- “Bottle wax” instead of “wet box”
- “Gin fizzed” instead of “fin gizzards”
- “Vodka shoot” instead of “choked voot”
- “Wasted cake” instead of “tasted wake”
- “Margarita hater” instead of “hater marinate”
- “Drunk monkey” instead of “monk drunkie”
- “Tequila spill” instead of “spiky telly”
- “Carved beers” instead of “barbed cheers”
- “Tipsy barf” instead of “barsy tiff”
- “Whiskey river” instead of “risky wiver”
- “Booze cruise” instead of “cruse booze
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Booze! Booze who? Better hold on tight, these knock-knock jokes about alcohol are sure to make you tipsy!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Booze. Booze who? Booze you gonna let me in or what?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Whiskey. Whiskey who? Whiskey merry Christmas!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Shots. Shots who? Shots, shots, shots, everybody!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Vodka. Vodka who? Vodka little sheep, do you have any wool? (Vodka, not baa)
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Beer. Beer who? Beer with me while I tell you this joke.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Tequila. Tequila who? Tequila me more about this joke!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wine. Wine who? Wine not try and tell another joke?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Rum. Rum who? Rum away with this joke and tell it at your next party!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Gin. Gin who? Gin and bear it, this joke will be over soon.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Champagne. Champagne who? Champagne for a good time and a good laugh!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Whiskey Sour. Whiskey Sour who? Whiskey Sour or whiskey sweet, this joke will be neat!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Martini. Martini who? Martini have a drink and enjoy this joke?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Brandy. Brandy who? Brandy in front of the fire and listen to this joke.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Margarita. Margarita who? Margaritas on the beach and jokes with friends, what could be better?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Mojito. Mojito who? Mojito or not, here I come with another joke!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Absinthe. Absinthe who? Absinthe not included in this joke, it’s too strong!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Sake. Sake who? Sake to me, tell me another joke!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Schnapps. Schnapps who? Schnapps to me and let’s cheers to this joke!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cider. Cider who? Cider-ella and her glass of wine, living her best life!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Moonshine. Moonshine who? Moonshine my day with this joke!
Cheers to these hilarious alcohol puns!
Well folks, looks like we’ve reached the bottom of the barrel when it comes to jokes about alcohol. But don’t worry, there’s always more where that came from. So pour yourself a drink and check out our other puns and joke posts, because as we all know, laughter is the best medicine. And in this case, it pairs perfectly with a nice cold one. Cheers!
