Are you ready to tackle some laughs? We’ve got the best puns about football that are sure to score a touchdown with your funny bone. Prepare for some clever wordplay and positive vibes as we kick off this list of hilarious jokes. Whether you’re a die-hard fan or just love a good pun, we’ve got you covered. So grab your helmet and get ready to laugh your cleats off with these football puns.
Touchdown Entertainment: Football Puns and Hilarious Jokes – Our Top Editor’s Plays!
- “Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback!”
- “Why was the football coach always calm? Because he had a lot of patience.”
- “What do you call a football player who loves to dance? The punting pirouette.”
- “Why was the quarterback always tired on game day? Because he was up all night studying the playbook!”
- “Why did the football team go to the doctor? They were suffering from a case of post-touchdown-itis.”
- “Why did the wide receiver wear sunglasses during the game? Because he didn’t want to be caught on camera without his shades.”
- “What did the football coach say to the vending machine? Give me my quarterback!”
- “Why did the football player go to the bank? To open up a savings account for his punts.”
- “What did the football player say when asked about his recent touchdown? It was a real kick in the grass!”
- “Why did the football player take a belt to the game? Because he heard they were playing tight defense.”
- “What do you call it when a football player gets arrested? A criminal offense!”
- “Why did the running back quit the team? He didn’t like being tackled all the time.”
- “Why was the football field so hot? Because all the fans left on the 50-yard line.”
- “What did the coach say about the injured quarterback? He’s been sacked way too many times.”
- “Why did the football player wear a tie during the game? To keep his collarbone in place.”
- “Why was the quarterback in such a bad mood? He kept getting intercepted.”
- “What did one football say to the other football? I’ve got your back(side)!”
- “Why did the football coach go on a diet? He wanted to cut down on his third and long.”
- “What do you call a line of cheerleaders doing cartwheels? A fumble-rumble.”
- “Why did the referee refuse to blow the whistle? He was too busy celebrating his birthday – it was a special down.”
Kick Off the Laughs: Hilarious One-Liner Puns About Football
- Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback.
- Did you hear about the football player who opened a bakery? He specialized in turnovers.
- How do football players stay cool during a game? They stand near the fans.
- What does a football coach eat when he’s in a rush? A quarterback pounder.
- How did the football coach get the water to his players? He used a QB sneak.
- Why did the football player go to the bank? He wanted to get his quarterback.
- What did the defensive coach say to his players? “Don’t pass out on the field.”
- Why did the football player go to the doctor? He was feeling a little defensive.
- What do you call a cheeseburger at a football game? A linebacker.
- What do you call a fake football team? A Counterfeiters.
- What do you call an unemployed defensive player? A sacked quarterback.
- Why don’t football players like rain? Because it makes their passes slippery.
- What do you call a football player who opens a pizza shop? A quarterback with a side hustle.
- Why did the football player bring a ladder to the game? To climb the leaderboards.
- What do you call a ghost playing football? A phantom foul.
- Why did the football player cross the street? To get to the other sideline.
- How did the injured football player feel? Defensive.
- Why can’t football players play cards? They’re always missing their wide receiver.
- What do you call a shampoo for football players? Head and shoulders above the rest.
- Why couldn’t the ghost play football? Because he was afraid of being tackled.
Kick Some Laughs: QnA Jokes & Puns about ‘Soccer’ Fun-damentals!
- Q: Why did the new football coach go to the bank? A: He wanted to make some quarterback changes.
- Q: Why couldn’t the pig play football? A: Because he was a little ham-strung.
- Q: What do you call a football player with no eyes? A: A quarter back.
- Q: How do football players stay cool during a game? A: They stand near the fans!
- Q: Why was the football coach yelling at the vending machine? A: He wanted his quarterback!
- Q: What’s a football player’s favorite drink? A: Quarterback-y-rum!
- Q: What’s a ghost’s favorite position on a football team? A: Ghoul-d rusher.
- Q: What do you call a football player who wears a tutu? A: A ballerina-back.
- Q: Why did the football coach go to the bank? A: To get his quarterback!
- Q: What did the football coach say to his players when they lost the game? A: Sorry guys, we dropped the ball.
- Q: What do you call a football player’s favorite snack? A: A tackle-ato chip.
- Q: How do you make a tissue dance? A: Put a little boogie in it!
- Q: Why don’t they serve ice cream at football games? A: Because the fans might get cold feet.
- Q: How do you know when a quarterback is cold? A: When he starts shivering and throwing touchdowns!
- Q: What do you call a chicken who plays football? A: A grid-fowl!
- Q: Why did the football player go to jail? A: Because he was caught stealing yards.
- Q: What did the coach say when the field was flooded with water? A: We need a quarterback-puddle!
- Q: Why did the football coach go to the doctor? A: He had a lot of quarterback-aches.
- Q: What do you call a football player who gets a ticket for speeding? A: A quarter-back with points on his license.
- Q: Why did the football player go to the bank? A: To get his quarter back!
Kickin’ It with Some Wise & Witty Football Phrases
- “A good coach can make a bad player look mediocre, but it takes a bad coach to make a good player look terrible.”
- “It’s better to have loved and lost than to bet on the Cleveland Browns.”
- “A football fan without a team is like a sandwich without a filling.”
- “A fake injury on the field is worth two in the referee’s book.”
- “You can lead a team to the Super Bowl, but you can’t make them win it.”
- “If at first you don’t succeed, blame it on the kicker.”
- “A good quarterback is like a good wine, they both tend to get better with age.”
- “In football, as in life, it’s always better to be underrated than overrated.”
- “The only thing Falcons fans are good at catching is disappointment.”
- “Defense wins championships, but it also loses fantasy football games.”
- “If the offensive line was a brick wall, the quarterback would still find a way to get sacked.”
- “Cheering for the New England Patriots is like rooting for your wealthy uncle to win the lottery.”
- “They say take it one game at a time, but have they seen the NFC East standings?”
- “If football is a religion, then the Super Bowl is our Christmas Mass.”
- “A Hail Mary play is like a fart in the wind, it either stinks or it surprises everyone.”
- “The only thing longer than Tom Brady’s football career is his TB12 Method book.”
- “If you think football players are tough, try being a kicker.”
- “Football is 90% mental, the other half is physical.”
- “A touchdown celebration isn’t complete without an excessive amount of chest bumps.”
- “The only thing more predictable than the Patriots winning is the Lions losing.”
Kick Off Your Laughter with these Dad Jokes about ‘Football’s Most Hilarious Fumbles!
- Why did the football player bring string to the game? Because he was the tiebreaker!
- What did the football coach say when his player asked for a day off? “Sorry, but that’s not in your contract.”
- Why do you have to be careful when wearing white jerseys? Because you might end up getting tackled by the Tide.
- What did the football say when it was in a bad mood? “I’m feeling kind of deflated today.”
- How does a football player keep warm during a game? He sits near the fan…because it’s always blowing hot air!
- What do you call a pig who plays football? A touchdown ham!
- Why was the football coach always calm? Because he liked to keep a balanced offense.
- What did the football player say when he dropped his ice cream? “I guess I fumbled that one!”
- Why is football like a messy room? Because it’s always full of tackles!
- What do you call a football that swears a lot? A Foul Ball!
- How did the football player know the airplane was crashing? He saw the ground team going into a pre-vent defense!
- What did the football coach say when his team ate too much at the buffet? “Looks like we’re going to need some extra padding on those uniforms!”
- Why did the chicken get kicked off the football team? Because he kept using fowl play!
- What do you call a football player who likes to dance? A kicker-ooni!
- Why was the math book unhappy when reading about football? Because it had too many problems!
- What do you get when you cross an elephant with a quarterback? A big throw-cophant!
- How does a football coach measure success? With a yardstick!
- Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back!
- What do you call it when a football player trips and falls? A touchdown – in the turf!
- Why was the quarterback always asking for the time? Because he needed to figure out how many seconds were left on the clock!
Kicking Puns and Laughing Goals: Hilarious Spoonerisms about Football
- “Lit the dimmer on the matchfield”
- “Scored a hatrick with his dread feet”
- “Kicked the ball in the pitchfork”
- “Tackled the field with his head socks”
- “Caught the handball in his mouth”
- “Threw a pass in the snout piker”
- “Goal-bound the kicker’s foot in the cred guy”
- “Slid in for a goochable goal”
- “Deflected the shot with his blick foot”
- “Saved the penalty with a foot flick”
- “Struck a header in the boot omar”
- “Swung the cleats on his foot spike”
- “Slipped on the grass and kicked the orange instead of the ball”
- “Juggled the ball on his helmet instead of his head”
- “Went for a corner kick but ended up in the corner crying”
- “Fumbled the pass and ended up in goal instead of the goalkeeper”
- “Flipped over the goalpost and landed a flickshot”
- “Tripped on his shoelaces and sent the ball flying into the stands”
- “Scored a goal with his left foot when he’s actually right-footed”
- “Headbutted the ball in instead of using his feet”.
2 for 1 Score: Hilarious Double Entendres about Football You Can’t Miss!
- “I can’t decide if I’m more of a tight end or a wide receiver.”
- “Did you see the way that ball got passed around? It was like a game of hot potato.”
- “The coach really knows how to handle his balls.”
- “I always love a good punt in a tight situation.”
- “I’ve been practicing my end zone dance.”
- “Quarterbacks and tight ends have a special connection.”
- “I may be a kicker, but I don’t mind getting roughed up a bit.”
- “I don’t mind taking one for the team.”
- “I’ve never seen a team with such good hands.”
- “I may be a rookie, but I know how to handle a stiff defense.”
- “The crowd went wild when he scored his first touch-down.”
- “I never thought I’d enjoy so many men chasing after me.”
- “It’s all about the perfect combination of speed and agility.”
- “They say defense wins championships, but I prefer a good offense.”
- “I’ve always been a fan of tight end defense.”
- “You have to know how to hold it just right to get the perfect spiral.”
- “I always love a good sack (or two).”
- “I may be a receiver, but I know how to give as good as I get.”
- “Everyone wants a piece of the ball, but it’s all about technique.”
- “They say it’s not the size of the helmet, but how you use it on the field.”
Kicking it Up a Notch: Hilarious Recursive Puns about the Gridiron Game!
- Why couldn’t the football player finish his math homework? Because all he kept doing was adding insult to injury!
- I used to think football was a game of feet, but it’s really a game of inches!
- Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback!
- I have a great joke about punting in football, but it’s a bit of a kick-back!
- What do you call a football player who doesn’t shut up? A quarter-back-catcher!
- Why did the football team bring a ladder to their game? For their quarterback to reach new heights!
- Why did the receiver go to the doctor? Because he had a case of touchdown sickness!
- Did you hear about the football player who hated puns? He thought they were a real game changer!
- What do you call a football game between horses? A gallop-into-the-endzone!
- Why did the quarterback get lost on his way to the stadium? Because his coach told him to head to the draw play!
- I don’t always tell dad jokes, but when I do, he tends to sack me for being too corny!
- Why did the running back cross the road? To get away from the pun-ishment!
- What’s a football player’s favorite type of jewelry? Chain-mail to protect themselves from the opposition!
- What did Tom Brady say when his coach asked him if he wanted to go for it on 4th down? “I’m game!”
- Did you hear about the football player who was always bragging about his cleats? He was a real shoe-in for the team’s MVP!
- Why did the football coach go on a diet? He wanted to slim down the playbook!
- What’s a bird’s favorite position in football? Wide receiver!
- Why did the referee bring a ladder to the game? To make sure he had a bird’s-eye view of the play!
- What did the defensive lineman say when his wife asked him what he wanted for dinner? “Just give me a little taste of victory!”
- I tried to make a joke about deflated footballs, but it just fell flat.
Kick Off with Laughter: Hilarious Tom Swifties about Football!
- “I can’t believe we lost the game,” Tom said defensively.
- “I think we need to work on our defense,” said Tom unguardedly.
- “I just scored a goal!” exclaimed Tom in a goal-struck manner.
- “I’m feeling a bit deflated after that last play,” Tom said with let-down.
- “That was a kickin’ good game,” Tom said with a swift kick of excitement.
- “I may be a quarterback, but you can catch me at the post-game party,” Tom joked with a quip.
- “Our team’s performance was a real kick in the grass,” Tom said in a grassy way.
- “I hate to be the one to tackle this, but we need to improve our strategy,” Tom said in a tackling way.
- “Looks like we’re headed for overtime,” Tom said with some extra time on his hands.
- “I’m not one to pass on celebrating a win,” said Tom with a passing glance.
- “The crowd is completely offside tonight,” Tom remarked with a flagrant tone.
- “I’ve never seen such a lousy penalty kick,” Tom said with some penalties.
- “I’m just going to wing it and see where the ball goes,” said Tom without any direction.
- “Our team is really goal-driven,” Tom observed with a goal-oriented mindset.
- “I think I might have pulled a muscle,” Tom groaned as he pulled his hamstring.
- “We could really use a Hail Mary play right about now,” Tom said with a sense of desperation.
- “I don’t mean to be cornered, but we should work on our set pieces,” Tom said under pressure.
- “I’m so pumped up, I could tackle a bear,” Tom exclaimed with wild enthusiasm.
- “I’ve got to hand it to our opponents, they were the better team today,” Tom said begrudgingly.
- “I don’t want to be a flop, but I think I twisted my ankle,” Tom said limping off the field.
Score Big Laughs with These Knock-Knock Football Jokes!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Halftime. Halftime who? Halftime to score some more goals!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Penalty. Penalty who? Penalty for that terrible pass!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? End zone. End zone who? End zone for the win!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cheerleader. Cheerleader who? Cheerleader up, it’s just a game!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Fumble. Fumble who? Fumble in the jungle!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Huddle. Huddle who? Huddle up, let’s make a play!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Sack. Sack who? Sack the quarterback!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Tackle. Tackle who? Tackle that touchdown!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Red flag. Red flag who? Red flag for a review!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Scoreboard. Scoreboard who? Scoreboard wants more points!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Goal line. Goal line who? Goal line defense, don’t let them score!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Quarterback. Quarterback who? Quarterback sneak for the win!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Field goal. Field goal who? Field goal for the tie!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Blitz. Blitz who? Blitz the offense!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Endurance. Endurance who? Endurance is key in football!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Tailgate. Tailgate who? Tailgate party before the game!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Injury. Injury who? Injury timeout, need to regroup!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Sidelines. Sidelines who? Stay on the sidelines if you can’t handle the heat!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Sweat. Sweat who? Sweat it out, it’s the last quarter!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Winning. Winning who? Winning is all that matters in football!
Kicking off with laughter: Football puns finale!
Well, folks, it looks like we’ve reached the end zone of puns and jokes about football. I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling a bit touchdown by all the clever wordplay. But fear not, there are plenty more puns and jokes to tackle in our other related posts. So don’t be a benchwarmer, go check them out and keep the laughter going! Until then, keep calm and punt on!
