Welcome, young fans of the ice and stick! As we all know, hockey is a serious sport…or is it? Here’s a list of the best puns about hockey that will have you chuckling on the ice. Get ready to score some humor points with your friends with these clever and positive jokes suitable for kids of all ages. From slap shots to Zambonis, we’ve got you covered. Let’s break the ice and get our funny bones tickling with these hilarious hockey puns!
Stick it to the Competition with These ‘Hockey’ Puns & Jokes – Top Picks!
- Why couldn’t the hockey player score? He had a puck-tuation problem.
- What do you call a hockey player with a broken leg? A limp-stick.
- Why did the hockey player bring a ladder to the game? He heard the tickets were sold out.
- How do hockey players stay cool during a game? They sit near the ice fans.
- What did the coach say to the hockey team before the big game? “Skate hard, play hard, don’t be board.”
- What’s the difference between a hockey player and a pirate? One has a hook and the other has a stick.
- Why couldn’t the hockey player be trusted? He was always up to no good-eau.
- What did the puck say when it crossed the goal line? “I’m on a roll!”
- What do you call a fake hockey player? An im-posseur.
- How does a hockey player get to the game? On a Zamboni-cle.
- Why did the goalie get a job at the bakery? He’s great at stopping bread shots.
- Why was the hockey player late to practice? He had to attend a stick-to-itiveness seminar.
- What did the ice say to the hockey player? “You make me melt.”
- How does a hockey player fix his broken stick? He uses stick-tape.
- What do you call a funny hockey team? The Laughing Stock-ers.
- Why didn’t the hockey player invite his glove to the party? It’s always catching colds.
- What do you call a tiny hockey player? A small-goal-fish.
- How do you know if a hockey player is good at math? He knows all the angles.
- What did the coach say to the team after they won the championship? “We really puck-ed it to them!”
- Why couldn’t the hockey player take a selfie with his team? He couldn’t find the right angle.
Score Some Laughs with These Hilarious Hockey One-Liners
- Why did the hockey player bring a ladder on the ice? He wanted to score an ice-breaker!
- What do hockey players eat before a game? Puck-eroni pizza!
- Why did the hockey goalie go to jail? He kept poking around in the crease!
- How do hockey players stay cool during a game? They hold their sticks upside down to get a little breeze!
- Why was the hockey player always tired? Because he was always icing his injuries!
- What do you call a fight between two hockey players? A slap-stick comedy!
- Why did the hockey player wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hat trick!
- What do you get when you cross a hockey player and a pig? A hockey-game!
- How many hockey players does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they like to play in the dark!
- What do you call a chicken who loves hockey? A hockey cluck!
- Why was the hockey game at the North Pole so boring? Because there was no net-works!
- What did the hockey coach say to his losing team? “We need to up our game, guys. We’re skating on thin ice!”
- How are the Stanley Cup and a duck alike? They both have a beak for a handle!
- What did the hockey stick say to the puck? I don’t know, it never talked!
- What do you call a group of penguins playing hockey? The antarctica penguins!
- Why did the hockey player bring a boat to practice? Because he kept getting his skates wet in the rink!
- What do you call a hockey player who is always in the penalty box? A sin-bin-ger!
- Why did the hockey player bring a French dictionary to the game? Because he heard there were a lot of penalty, I mean, pénalité, calls!
- What did the hockey player say when he scored a goal? “I had a puck, I had a plan, I had a shot, now I have a goal!”
- How do you fix a broken hockey stick? With stick-it glue, of course!
Slap Shot Humor: Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Hockey
- “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take… and 99% of the ones you do if you’re on my fantasy hockey team.”
- “Hockey: where frozen water and good manners collide.”
- “A hockey game without a fight is like a burger without fries – it’s just not as satisfying.”
- “Hockey players have fire in their hearts and ice in their veins.”
- “A good hockey player plays where the puck is. A great hockey player plays where the puck is going to be – or at least attempts to.”
- “Hockey is the only sport where you can knock someone’s teeth out and they thank you for it.”
- “A bad day of hockey is still better than a good day at work.”
- “The problem with being a goalie is the other team always scores more goals than you.”
- “Hockey players have the speed, strength, and agility of cheetahs… and the teeth of sharks.”
- “You know you’re a hardcore hockey fan when you can smell the ice through your TV screen.”
- “Hockey: the original form of organized chaos.”
- “You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy hockey tickets – which is pretty much the same thing.”
- “Winners never quit, quitters never win… but the losers get to go home and watch hockey.”
- “Hockey players have the best sticks and the biggest pucks.”
- “Fighting in hockey is like salt on a French fry – it just makes it better.”
- “In hockey, anything is possible… unless you’re a Maple Leafs fan.”
- “If hockey was easy, it would be called soccer.”
- “The only thing better than scoring the game-winning goal is talking about it for the next 20 years.”
- “Hockey: where the bruises on your skin and the scars on your heart are a badge of honor.”
- “They say money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy a Zamboni, and that’s basically the same thing.”
Breaking the Ice with QnA Jokes & Puns about Hockey
- Q: Why did the hockey player bring a spoon to the game? A: In case he needed a little extra ice!
- Q: What do you call a cold, lonely hockey player? A: A chilled-out center!
- Q: Why did the hockey player put his jersey in the freezer? A: He wanted to play on ice!
- Q: What do you get when you mix a hockey player with a magician? A: A stick-handler!
- Q: Why couldn’t the hockey player make a good omelette? A: He kept breaking too many eggs!
- Q: What do you call a lazy hockey player? A: A puck-slacker!
- Q: Why did the hockey player go to a bank? A: He wanted to score a loan!
- Q: What is a hockey player’s favorite type of music? A: The wrap-around!
- Q: Why didn’t the hockey player like his new job at the bakery? A: He was tired of always being on the bread-line!
- Q: How does a hockey player keep his jersey clean? A: He gives it the cold shoulder!
- Q: What did the goalie say when he got a cold? A: “I’m feeling a little net-picky!”
- Q: How do you make a hockey game more exciting? A: Add some ice-cream!
- Q: Why do hockey players make bad fishermen? A: They always end up icing the wrong thing!
- Q: What do hockey players and math teachers have in common? A: They both love using angles!
- Q: Why did the hockey player bring a ladder to the game? A: He heard it was going to be a high-sticking match!
- Q: How does a hockey player keep his hair perfect during a game? A: With penalty box braids!
- Q: Why did the puck take a penalty? A: It was caught high-sticking!
- Q: What do you call a hockey player with a broken stick? A: A one-armed defenseman!
- Q: Why do hockey players always have to wear helmets? A: Because they’re constantly hitting the boards!
- Q: How do you get a hockey player’s attention? A: Just yell, “Hey, puck-head!”
He shoots, he scores… with these Dad Jokes & Puns about Hockey!
- Why did the hockey puck go to therapy? Because it had issues with being hit.
- What do you call a hockey player with a broken arm? A one-armed bandit.
- How does a hockey player stay cool during a game? They stand near the fans.
- What does a hockey player use to Party? A hockey stick!
- Why was the hockey player sent to the penalty box? He was caught holding.
- How does a hockey player shave? With a zamboni.
- Why did the hockey player wear two pairs of socks? In case he got a hole in one.
- What do you get when you cross a snowman and a hockey player? Frost-bites.
- How did the hockey player know his wife was a keeper? She let him keep playing hockey.
- What do you call a alligator in a hockey rink? A hockey-gater.
- Why was the hockey game so loud? Because the players were getting so loud.
- Why did the hockey goalie specialize in astrology? Because he was great at making saves.
- Why did the goalie keep falling during the game? He was tripping on the ice.
- What is a hockey player’s favorite type of sandwich? Ice-burgers.
- Why did the coach tell his players to wear their headphones during practice? So they could work on their audio-skills.
- What did the hockey player say when he scored a goal? “It’s ’bout damn time!”.
- How do you know if a hockey player is religious? He always gives good praises before every goal.
- What was the snowman’s favorite hockey move? The snowball slap shot.
- How do you get a hockey player out of bed in the morning? Just tell him it’s game time.
- Why did the hockey player jump into the ice rink with a ladder? Because he wanted to be the first one to climb the leaderboard.
Getting a Little Cheeky on the Ice: Fun with Hockey Double Entendres Puns
- “I was so impressed with his stick handling, I nearly dropped my gloves!”
- “He had a perfect hat-trick last night, they were all top shelf!”
- “Their defense was like a sieve, letting in goal after goal.”
- “She had the goalie wrapped around her little finger… and then she scored!”
- “He’s got a wicked slapshot, but his one-timer is even better.”
- “The coach really knows how to handle his sticks.”
- “I love watching the penalty box, it’s like their own little time out.”
- “That player is the ultimate PIM king… points in men’s.”
- “The forwards were really puck-hogs last night, not sharing with their teammates.”
- “I think the ref is a little blind, he keeps missing those high sticking calls.”
- “She took a shot from the blue line and scored… talk about long distance love.”
- “When the team gets a power play, they really know how to capitalize.”
- “The fans are on their feet, cheering for the team to score and penetrate the defense.”
- “The goalie made some amazing saves, it’s like he’s a brick wall.”
- “He’s always the first one to break the ice in a fight on the ice.”
- “The players were exhausted after the game, they really left it all out on the ice.”
- “The captain knows how to rally his team… and also how to rally the crowd.”
- “I never thought I’d see a triple deke in a real hockey game, but that player pulled it off.”
- “The team’s offense is so hot right now, they’re on fire!”
- “He was sitting in the sin bin for 5 minutes, but it felt like hours in there.”
Celebrate the puck-tastic humor with these recursive puns about hockey!
- Why couldn’t the hockey player score? He kept skating around in circles – he was caught in a recursive loop!
- I heard the hockey game was cancelled because the players got stuck in a recursive penalty box.
- What did the hockey player say when his coach asked him to pass the puck? “Pass the buck? I can’t do that, I’m not a deer!”
- Why did the hockey player refuse to go to the dentist? He was afraid of getting a recursive root canal.
- How do you know a hockey team is really good at recursion? They always come back for more.
- Did you hear about the hockey player who tried to tell a recursive joke? He got stuck in an infinite loop.
- What did the hockey player say when he realized he had been skating in circles for hours? “I’ve been Recursive-ing the same mistake!”
- Why did the hockey team install a spiral staircase in their arena? They wanted to add a little recursion to their game.
- What do you call a hockey player who keeps making the same mistake over and over again? A recursionist.
- Why did the hockey player get kicked out of the game? He kept shouting “Recursive, recursive!” every time he scored.
- I heard the hockey team had to change their name to the “Recurseyes” because they were always chasing their own tails.
- What did the hockey puck say when it was caught in a recursive argument with the net? “I just can’t seem to get past you!”
- How do you turn a hockey game into a recursive equation? Add more power-play and you’ll have an infinite loop!
- Why did the hockey team’s coach always give them circular drills? He wanted to see if they could handle recursive training.
- Did you hear about the hockey player who kept getting stuck in the boards? He was caught in a recursive checkmate.
- How did the hockey player describe his love for his favorite team? Recursive – it just keeps growing and growing.
- Why did the hockey player refuse to get new skates? He didn’t want to break the recursion.
- What did the hockey player say when he couldn’t find his way out of the maze? “I’m stuck in a recursive loop – I’ll never escape!”
- Why did the hockey team’s coach always draw circles on their playbook? He wanted them to understand the concept of recursion.
- What did the hockey announcer say when the team scored a goal after multiple attempts? “They’ve finally broken the recursive curse!”
Landing Slap Shots and Punch Lines: The Hilarity of Hockey Juxtaposition Jokes
- Why couldn’t the hockey puck get a date? Because it was too cold to score!
- What’s a hockey player’s favorite type of music? Heavy slapstick!
- How did the hockey player score a hat trick? He put a hat on each post and the goalie couldn’t get his stick through all the ties!
- What did the stick say to the puck before the game? “I’m glad we’re on the same team, or this would be awkward!”
- How do hockey players stay cool during a game? They sit by the fans!
- Why did the hockey player go to jail? Because he was caught icing!
- What did the hockey coach say when his team couldn’t score? “C’mon guys, let’s break the ice!”
- What did the hockey player say to his girlfriend? “I’m sorry, but I must skate away.”
- Why did the ice hockey player go to a psychics? He wanted to know if he would get any goals.
- Why couldn’t the hockey player get his team to the playoffs? He kept skating around in circles!
- What do you get when you mix a hockey player and a monster truck? A slapshot truck!
- Why did the puck get a penalty? It was caught high-sticking!
- How do you get a hockey player’s attention? Just blow the whistle!
- What did the hockey player say when he lost his tooth? “I guess I’ll have to get a fake one, or I’ll be toothless in Seattle!”
- Why couldn’t the hockey player pass his math test? He kept going offside.
- How does a hockey player practice his swing? With a penalty boxers!
- What did the puck say to the net? “I’ll be back in a couple zambonis, keep the ice warm for me!”
- What’s a hockey player’s favorite part of a bed? The faceoff!
- Why was the hockey rink so hot? Because there were a lot of fans there!
- Why did the hockey player refuse to play in the power play? He didn’t want to sit on the bench anymore!
Hilarious Hockey Hiccups: Embrace the Madness of ‘Hockey’ Malapropisms
- “Pucking up” instead of “picking up”
- “Slap stick comedy” instead of “slapstick comedy”
- “Goal tender” instead of “goalie”
- “Penalty shot in the dark” instead of “shot in the dark”
- “Stick it to the icing” instead of “stick it to the man”
- “Power skating hour” instead of “power hour”
- “Offense-ive” instead of “offensive”
- “Bench warming” instead of “bench warming”
- “Puck it up” instead of “suck it up”
- “Intermission interlude” instead of “intermission break”
- “Hockey pucks and pickles” instead of “peanuts and Cracker Jacks”
- “Fowl play” instead of “foul play”
- “Puckin’ A” instead of “fucking A”
- “Zamboni zoomin'” instead of “zoomin'”
- “Cross-checking for bugs” instead of “debugging”
- “Checking the box score” instead of “checking the box office”
- “Hat trick-or-treating” instead of “trick-or-treating”
- “Going top shelf at the store” instead of “shopping at the store”
- “Slipping on some ice” instead of “slipping on some dice”
- “Hockey moms and apple pies” instead of “soccer moms and apple pies”
Puck-etful Puns in Hockey Tom Swifties
- “We need to put ice packs on our knees,” said the hockey player icily.
- “I can’t find my stick,” said the goalie woodenly.
- “I think I broke my wrist,” said the defenseman single-handedly.
- “I hope the ref doesn’t see me tripping,” said the forward sneakily.
- “I can’t hear the crowd over my skates,” said the center deafeningly.
- “I wish I had better aim,” said the winger blindly.
- “I’m going to score a goal right now,” said the captain goally.
- “I can’t believe they called that a penalty,” said the enforcer defiantly.
- “I need a break,” said the tired hockey player, panting.
- “That shot was right on target,” said the sniper accurately.
- “I can’t take this pressure,” said the goalie, cracking under the puck.
- “I’m so hungry, I could eat a whole Zamboni,” said the coach hungrily.
- “I can’t believe we lost again,” said the defenseman, defeated.
- “I think the coach is losing his mind,” said the captain, dangerously.
- “I’ll never forget this game,” said the rookie, memorably.
- “I can’t stand these tight-fitting jerseys,” said the team’s fashionista uncomfortably.
- “Why do I always get put in the penalty box?” said the enforcer, innocently.
- “I’m not sure I trust our line changes,” said the center, cautiously.
- “Looks like we’ve got some tough competition,” said the goalie, facing-off.
- “I need a new stick,” said the player, breaking the ice.
Hockey Spoonerisms: Puck-tacular play on words!
- Sockey Heys
- Pockey Suck
- Jockey Sticks
- Humpy Bockey
- Lockey Pucks
- Hockey Dews
- Quacky Slay
- Stickey Hoot
- Wacky Pinger
- Shockey Fights
- Dockey Rinks
- Hiccup Puckup
- Yockey Skates
- Mockey Pouthguards
- Bockey Lams
- Frockey Pants
- Hockey Clops
- Bawky Pass
- Sockey Gtore
- Flockey Fails
Slapshots and Laughs: Knock-knock Jokes about Hockey
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ice. Ice who? Ice hockey- you better let me in!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Puck. Puck who? Puck you, I’m trying to score!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stick. Stick who? Stick around and you’ll see some slick moves.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Zamboni. Zamboni who? Zamboni in a million, I love hockey!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Goalie. Goalie who? Goalie, I’m always here to save the day.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Penalty. Penalty who? Penalty not joke, I take this sport seriously.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hat trick. Hat trick who? Hat trick or treat!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Referee. Referee who? Referee to make a call, please.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Shootout. Shootout who? Shootout of my way, I’m going for the goal!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Puck-up line. Puck-up line who? Can I break the ice with this hockey pick-up line?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Chinstrap. Chinstrap who? Chinstrap to keep your helmet on tight in this intense game!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Faceoff. Faceoff who? Faceoff your opponent and show them who’s boss!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Powerplay. Powerplay who? Powerplay anything for my team to win.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ice time. Ice time who? Ice time to lace up and hit the rink!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Slapshot. Slapshot who? Slapshot into the net and score!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Puck-mover. Puck-mover who? Puck-mover before I trip and fall on the ice!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hockey hair. Hockey hair who? I can’t hear you over the sound of my luscious hockey hair.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Five hole. Five hole who? Five hole watching, five hole scoring!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Overtime. Overtime who? Overtime to decide the winner, let’s do this!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hockey fan. Hockey fan who? Hockey fan-tastic, that’s who!
Puck it up with these Hilarious Hockey Jokes!
And that’s a wrap, folks! We hope these 220+ jokes about hockey left you laughing harder than you did watching your favorite team win the Stanley Cup. And don’t forget to check out our other punny and joke-filled posts, because nothing beats a good sense of humor in the game of life. Now go on, score some more laughter with your friends by sharing these hilarious hockey jokes. See you at the rink!
