Welcome to our list of the best police jokes and puns! We’ve gathered some of the most clever and humorous one-liners for kids (and kids at heart) to enjoy. From silly misunderstandings to hilarious encounters with law enforcement, these jokes are sure to make you laugh. So get ready to be entertained by our positive and lighthearted take on the men and women in blue. Without further ado, here’s our collection of funny and punny jokes about the police – because sometimes, we all need a little humor in our lives.

Serve and Protect: The Top ‘Police’ Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks

  1. Why did the police officer arrest the turkey? Because it was suspected of fowl play.”
  2. “Why did the police take the artist to jail? He was caught red-handed.”
  3. I told the officer I was not drinking while driving, I was simply testing the beer for the brewery.
  4. “Why did the police officer put his badge in the freezer? He wanted to cool it down.”
  5. “Why was the police officer afraid of diving into the ocean? He was scared of getting booked for sea-rime.”
  6. “What do you call a sleeping policeman? A cop-a-nap.”
  7. “Why did the robber take a bath before robbing a bank? He wanted to make a clean getaway.”
  8. What do you call a police officer who works with breakfast foods? A maple syrup.”
  9. “Why did the policeman go to therapy? He had too many traffic violations.”
  10. “I thought about becoming a police officer, but I was under too much pressure.”
  11. “What did the policeman say to the robber who stole a calendar? ‘You’re going to get a lot of time.'”
  12. “Why did the policeman arrest the cowboy? He was caught rustling.”
  13. “Why was the police officer jealous of the criminal? He got a lot of mugs shots.”
  14. “Why did the thief go to the police station in a taxi? He wanted to get a car-pool.”
  15. “What did the policeman say to his belly button? You’re under a vest.”
  16. “Why did the police officer break up with his girlfriend? She kept incriminating him.”
  17. “Why did the traffic cop divorce his wife? She kept running away from their problems.”
funny Police jokes and one liner clever Police puns 3 at PunnyPeak.com

Crack Up Your Friends with These Hilarious ‘Funny Police’ One-Liner Jokes!

  1. Why did the police officer go to bed? He was undercover.
  2. I got arrested for stealing a calendar. The judge gave me 12 months.
  3. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogey in it.
  4. Did you hear about the kidnapping at the police station? They woke up.
  5. Why does a bicycle never listen to its parents? It’s always two-tired.
  6. I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor said I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little on the inside.
  7. How do you catch a squirrel? Climb up in a tree and act like a nut.
  8. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  9. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
  10. Why can’t you trust atoms? They make up everything.
  11. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investi-gator.
  12. Why did the chicken go to the seance? To get to the other side.
  13. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
  14. I used to play piano by ear. Now, I use my hands.
  15. How does the moon cut its hair? Eclipse it.
  16. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
  17. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.

Breaking the Tension: Witty QnA Jokes & Puns about Police

  1. Q: Why did the police officer arrest the math book? A: Because it had too many problems!
  2. Q: What did the police officer say to the pencil thief? A: You’re under arrest, so don’t try to draw anything!
  3. Q: How does a police officer make his coffee? A: He uses handcuffs!
  4. Q: Why are police officers such good actors? A: They have a lot of experience with undercover work.
  5. Q: What did one police car say to the other police car? A: Do you like sirens? Because I’m a big fan!
  6. Q: What kind of car does a police officer drive? A: A patrol-olmobile!
  7. Q: Why are police officers always tired? A: Because they’re always on beat!
  8. Q: What did the policeman say to his stomach? A: You’re under a vest!
  9. Q: How do you make a criminal go on a diet? A: Put him in a jail cell!
  10. Q: Why did the police officer go to the party? A: Because he heard there would be a lot of traffic!
  11. Q: How do you get a group of police officers to laugh? A: Tell them a joke and then frisk them!
  12. Q: What did the detective say when he found a clue in the refrigerator? A: This must be a cold case!
  13. Q: Why don’t police officers like playing hide and seek? A: Because they’re always so good at finding people!
  14. Q: What did the police officer say to the thief who stole a calendar? A: You’re going to get caught eventually. You can’t keep running forever!
  15. Q: What did the traffic cop say when he pulled over the ice cream truck? A: Do you have a license to chill?
  16. Q: What’s the difference between a detective and a conductor? A: One collects evidence, the other conducts orchestras!
  17. Q: Why did the police officer go to the farmer’s market? A: He heard someone was selling hot potatoes!

Protecting and Serving…Puns: Dad Jokes about Police

  1. Why did the police officer go to bed early? Because he wanted to catch some Z’s!
  2. How does a police officer stay in shape? He runs after criminals all day!
  3. Did you hear about the police officer who got into a fight with his lawnmower? He said it was a close shave!
  4. What do you call a police officer who works with animals? A canine-ographer!
  5. Why did the police officer take his anger out on the pavement? He needed a good street fight!
  6. Did you hear about the police officer who couldn’t make a decision? He was on the fence!
  7. What did the police officer say when he caught the doughnut thief? “Don’t glaze over your crime!”
  8. Why did the police officer go to the basketball game? He heard there was going to be a full court press!
  9. What did the police officer say to his tired partner? “Looks like we’re on our beat ends!”
  10. Did you hear about the policeman who put his badge on upside down? He was going undercover!
  11. Why did the police officer take his lunch to work on a train? He wanted a subway sandwich!
  12. What did the police officer say when someone asked him to explain his job? “It’s not black and white, but I’ll try to blue it down for you!”
  13. How do police officers stay cool in the summer? They work under cover!
  14. Did you hear about the rookie police officer who couldn’t figure out how to turn on his light and siren? He was having a siren-ity crisis!
  15. Why did the police officer go to the paint store? He wanted to get fingerprints!
  16. What do you call a group of police officers at a party? A swat team!
  17. How does a police officer make sure his paperwork is organized? He puts it in a folder-al patrol!

Arrestingly Hilarious: Police Puns & Jokes for Kids

  1. What did the policeman say to his belly button? You’re under a vest!
  2. How do policemen communicate? With cop-talk!
  3. Why did the policeman arrest the duck? It was suspected of fowl play!
  4. Why did the policeman get a ticket? He was caught speeding on duty!
  5. What do you call a policeman in bed? An undercover cop!
  6. How do you know a policeman is crying? He has siren-tears!
  7. What did the policeman say when he caught the thief trying to escape on a bicycle? “That’s wheely not going to work!”
  8. Why did the police car pull over the banana? It was driving too fast and the officer yelled, “Peel over!”
  9. What do you call a policeman who is also a vampire? A night-cop!
  10. My friend who’s a policeman said he can read minds. I asked him how, and he said it’s just cop-thought!
  11. Why did the policeman climb up the ladder? To reach new heights in his career!
  12. What do police officers say before they eat? Lettuce prey!
  13. Why did the police officer go to work early? He wanted to beat the morning rush hour!
  14. Why did the police officer get a new coat? He was working undercover and needed a change of cape!
  15. How do police officers stay in shape? They hit the beat and do a lot of legwork!
  16. What do you call a policeman who solves crimes using only his feet? A foot- detective!
  17. Why did the police officer take a day off? He was feeling un-cop-erable!

Behind the Badge: Hilarious Quotes about Police Work

  1. “I didn’t realize it was illegal to drink and drive until the police pulled me over.”
  2. “If you want to avoid a speeding ticket, just drive faster than the police car chasing you.”
  3. “Behind every great police officer is a donut shop.”
  4. “I always thought ‘stop, drop, and roll’ was meant for fires, not police tasers.”
  5. “Shortest horror story ever: ‘The police officer asked for my license and registration.'”
  6. “I said ‘no’ to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen to me. That’s when the police got involved.”
  7. “The only reason I exercise is so I can outrun the police if necessary.”
  8. “I never knew how fast my heart could beat until I saw flashing police lights behind me.”
  9. “Being a cop is like being a dog: you have to be ready to chase after anything that catches your attention.”
  10. “I thought I hit rock bottom, but then the police found me at the strip club.”
  11. “Police take all rumors about me with a grain of salt… then put it on top of a giant margarita.”
  12. “The best thing about being a police officer is getting to wear a really cool belt with lots of gadgets on it.”
  13. “I never run from my problems… unless the police are involved.”
  14. “My dad used to say ‘you’ll understand when you have kids.’ Now, as a parent, I understand why he ran from the police that one time.”
  15. “The police told me I had the right to remain silent. Then they laughed and said ‘Who are we kidding?'”
  16. “I wanted to be a police officer until I realized I had to run and catch people.”
  17. “I may not be a perfect citizen, but I’m pretty sure I haven’t committed any crimes that would require a full police chase.”

Crack a Smile with These Hilarious Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Police

  1. A cop without coffee is like a donut without sprinkles.
  2. You can’t outrun a police car, but you can definitely out eat one.
  3. The only thing better than a donut is free donuts from a friendly cop.
  4. Police officers don’t make arrests, they make jokes about arresting people.
  5. It’s not a party until the cops show up…and bring their donut stash with them.
  6. A good cop knows how to keep the peace, but a great cop knows how to make you laugh.
  7. The only thing scarier than flashing red and blue lights is running out of coffee at the station.
  8. You can plead the fifth, but you can’t plead your way out of a traffic ticket.
  9. The only time cop jokes are not funny is when you’re pulled over.
  10. You can outrun the law, but you can’t outrun a well-placed donut trap.
  11. The real reason cops wear bulletproof vests is to protect themselves from donut crumbs.
  12. In a world full of chaos, it’s nice to know we can count on cops for donuts and justice.
  13. It takes a special kind of person to willingly deal with drunk people on a daily basis.
  14. The fastest way to get a cop’s attention is to claim there’s a free food truck nearby.
  15. The only thing tougher than being a cop is being the spouse of a cop.
  16. A good cop is like a guardian angel, but with handcuffs and a sense of humor.
  17. The ultimate job security is being a cop in a city known for its love of donuts.

Patrolling for Laughs: The Police Force’s Double Entendre Puns

  1. “I guess you could say this case has gone to the ‘long arm’ of the law.”
  2. “Looks like we’ve got a real ‘cop and robber’ situation here.”
  3. “Seems like this criminal was just trying to ‘arc’ his way out of trouble.”
  4. “Well, I never thought I’d be pulling ‘puns’ for a living.”
  5. “I don’t always wear a badge, but when I do, I prefer it to be ‘unconcealed’.”
  6. “We have reason to believe this suspect is part of a ‘big doughnut’ crime ring.”
  7. “You know what they say, the pen is mightier than the ‘police report’.”
  8. “Looks like this guy couldn’t handle the ‘heat’ of the interrogation room.”
  9. We’ve caught the ‘mastermind’ behind the string of bakery robberies.
  10. “Let’s hope this evidence doesn’t ‘accidentally’ disappear like last time.”
  11. “Looks like we’ve got a real life ‘Scooby-Doo’ mystery on our hands.”
  12. “We’ll just have to keep ‘arresting’ until we find the real culprit.”
  13. “I hate to be a ‘cop out’, but I don’t think this case is going anywhere.”
  14. “This suspect may have slipped through our fingers, but we’ll ‘puzzle’ it out eventually.”
  15. “Looks like this car chase is turning into a real ‘bumper car’ situation.”
  16. “I thought I was going to be investigating white collar crime, but it turns out it’s just another ‘blue collar’ case.”

Perpetuate Laughter with Recursive Puns about Police

  1. Why did the detective investigate an empty jar? Because he heard it was a jam session.
  2. Did you hear about the police officer who was fired from his job? He was accused of being too arresting.
  3. When does a police car become a surveillance vehicle? When it just wants to watch and observe.
  4. What do you call a group of officers patrolling on horses? The galloping force.
  5. How do you know when a policeman is tired? He’s always making arrests.
  6. Why did the police officer go on a diet? Because he wanted to be slim and law enforcement.
  7. Why did the cop purchase a muscle car? So he could catch criminals in a flash.
  8. What did one police officer say to the other after completing their night shift? “Let’s call it a day.”
  9. What do you call it when a cop uses his vehicle to make a u-turn? A siren song.
  10. Why did the policeman get a new uniform? Because he wanted to stay in the line of duty.
  11. What did the cop say when he saw a squirrel stealing from a store? “That’s nuts!”
  12. Why did the police officer make an appointment with a therapist? Because he was feeling lawless.
  13. What do you call a police officer who can walk on water? The force be with you.
  14. Why did the detective go to a therapist? He had some serious trust issues.
  15. What did the cop say when his car got stuck in traffic? “I’m under arrest!”
  16. Why did the police officer join a gym? He wanted to keep his body in “policing” order.
  17. What do you call a policeman who doesn’t eat carbs? A carb-eating nature.

Detaining Laughter: Hilarious Police Malapropisms You Can’t Arrest

  1. Busting out some ‘cop moves’ on the dance floor.
  2. Pulling over a mime for ‘silent’ running.
  3. Investigating a ‘carrot’ plot.
  4. Catching a ‘croissant’ in the act.
  5. Trying to negotiate with a ‘blackmail’ artist.
  6. Searching for clues in a ‘hedgehog’ puzzle.
  7. Tracking down a notorious ‘panhandler’.
  8. Stopping a ‘gabble’ of geese in the middle of the road.
  9. Finding a suspect’s ‘footprint’ instead of ‘fingerprint’.
  10. Responding to a call about a ‘rogue’ hosepipe.
  11. Telling a suspect to ‘spill the carrot’, instead of ‘spill the beans’.
  12. Using a ‘cobra’ phone to call for backup.
  13. Asking to see the suspect’s ‘fast food’ instead of ‘ID’.
  14. Chasing a suspect on a ‘motorhome’, instead of ‘motorbike’.
  15. Responding to a call about a ‘stolen’ houseplant.
  16. Assembling a ‘delicious’ lineup of suspects.
  17. Investigating a case of ‘criminal’ negligence on the golf course.

Playful Police Peruse Perfectly Punny Spoonerisms

  1. ‘Slicking over neat’ instead of ‘Nicking over sleaze’
  2. ‘Down noodle simple’ instead of ‘Crown jewel symbol’
  3. ‘Bopping curry’ instead of ‘Copping a hurry’
  4. Stalking a readwalk’ instead of ‘Walking a beat
  5. ‘Moo-chooing peeds’ instead of ‘Poo-scooping meads’
  6. ‘Baiting nerds’ instead of ‘Rating badges’
  7. ‘Flunking rats’ instead of ‘Ranking flats’
  8. ‘Hopping ome dictate

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Police, you’re under arrest for being too funny!

  1. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Police. Police who? Police, open up! You’re under arrest for stealing my heart.
  2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Undercover. Undercover who? Undercover police, can we come in? We heard you have some killer dance moves.
  3. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Burglar. Burglar who? Burglar, don’t be scared, it’s just the police checking in on your security system.
  4. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Horse. Horse who? Horse the police! We’re here to enforce the neigh-borhood rules.
  5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Robber. Robber who? Robbery suspect, we believe you have a stash of dad jokes hidden in this house.
  6. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Doughnut. Doughnut who? Doughnut mess with the police, we have our eyes glazed on you.
  7. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Police car. Police car who? Police car-chase! We’re here to help track down your lost remote.
  8. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Sherlock. Sherlock who? Sherlock Holmes, I mean, er, the police are here to solve your mystery of the missing cookies.
  9. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Siren. Siren who? Siren you don’t open up, the police will use their window-breaking skills.
  10. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Chase. Chase who? Chase those bad guys away, the police are on the case.
  11. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Thief. Thief who? Thief-proof your home with some help from the police.
  12. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Criminal. Criminal who? Criminal mastermind, but the police always outsmarted me.
  13. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Warrant. Warrant who? Warrant for your arrest? Just kidding, it’s just the police needing a signature.
  14. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bank robber. Bank robber who? Bank robber, but I left my loot at the police station. Can I claim it back?
  15. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Officer. Officer who? Officer your neighbors reported loud laughter, we had to come investigate.
  16. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Crime scene. Crime scene who? Crime scene investigator, but you can just call us the police.
  17. Knock, knock. Who’s there? SWAT. SWAT who?

Wrapping Up the Laughs: Cop-tivating Pun-tertainment!

Well folks, that’s a wrap on our collection of 170+ puns about police. We hope these jokes made you laugh so hard, you had to call the cops! But before you go, we highly recommend checking out our other pun-tastic posts for more laughs. Stay safe out there, and remember: always use pun responsibly.

Ahmad Raza

Ahmad Raza

I’m Ahmad Raza, the pun-derful maestro behind PunnyPeak.com! As the chief architect of hilarity, I’m on a mission to spread joy, one pun at a time. Crafting jokes that tickle your funny bone is my forte, and PunnyPeak.com is the whimsical wonderland where laughter reigns supreme. Get ready for a rib-tickling adventure as we explore the crevices of humor – PunnyPeak style! Find My Best Puns.

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