Welcome to the ultimate list of Shakespeare jokes and puns that will have you laughing like a fool! Whether you’re a fan of the Bard or just appreciate clever humor, these puns are sure to make your day. From clever wordplay to hilarious situations, these jokes are perfect for kids and adults alike. So sit back, relax, and prepare to be thoroughly entertained. After all, it’s the best way to enjoy the works of Shakespeare – with a side of laughter!
To Bard or not to Bard? These ‘Shakespeare’ puns & jokes are our top picks for your next literary LOL-fest!
- Why was Shakespeare always cold? Because he was always a-William-ing.
- What did the ghost of Hamlet’s father say to him before he left the castle? “I’m just here for Boo-tilda’s wedding.”
- What do you call a Shakespearean actor who loves to garden? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
- What do you call a Shakespearean play about a dentist? Much Ado About Molars.
- Why did Shakespeare only use a quill to write his plays? He couldn’t afford a higher quill-ity pen.
- What did Romeo say when he saw Juliet in her wedding dress? “To gown or not to gown?”
- How did Shakespeare organize his scripts? He put them in iambic folders.
- Why did Macbeth refuse to hire a cleaning lady? He didn’t want anyone to “spot-cleanse his hands.”
- What did Hamlet say when he saw a ghost in his bed? “Is that you, specter-n-law?”
- What did Shakespeare say when his wife asked him to take out the trash? “Alas, poor garbage can. I knew him, Horatio.”
- Why did Othello go on a diet? He wanted to be a fellow of “less size and scope.”
- What did Antony say when Cleopatra asked him why he was always writing on parchment? “I’m just making some parchment-plain paper.”
- How did Lady Macbeth organize her closet? She used a laundry list.
- What do you call a Shakespearian turkey? Thyme-vant.
- What romantic message did Antony write to Cleopatra? “All is fair in love and eye-tery.”
- Why did Ophelia open a bakery? She wanted to make some dough.
- How did Hamlet feel when he had to leave Denmark? He said it was just a “small price to Denmark.”
- Who was Shakespeare’s favorite historical figure? The Bard-er of Avon.
- Why did Romeo and Juliet decide to get married in secret? They didn’t want their families to make a scene.
- What did Shakespeare say when his wife asked him to go grocery shopping? “To buy or not to buy, that is the question.”
Amuse Your Inner Bard with These Hilarious Shakespeare One-Liners!
- Why did Hamlet buy a map? Because he wanted to find his way out of de-nial.
- I once heard a pun about Shakespeare, but it was a bit of a play on words.
- What did Shakespeare say when he lost his quill? I shall write another one anon.
- I can’t decide if Shakespeare’s comedies are my cup of tea, or just much ado about nothing.
- Why did Juliette carry pepper spray? Because Romeo always had a tendency to make a scene.
- Did you hear about the Shakespearean actor who fell through the stage trapdoor? He suffered from stage fright.
- I tried writing a tragedy like Shakespeare, but it ended up being a comedy of errors.
- Why couldn’t the ghosts of Macbeth’s victims get any sleep? Because they were stuck in a never-ending restless dream.
- Romeo and Juliette went to a costume party, but they were the only ones dressed as star-crossed lovers.
- I thought about auditioning for a Shakespearean play, but I was worried I wouldn’t be able to handle the tragedy.
- Why did Romeo give up fencing? He lost his appetite after the Capulets’ dinner party.
- I tried writing a sonnet, but I was too afraid Iambic pentameter wrong.
- Why was King Lear always so mad? Because he could never remember where he left his crown.
- She walked in beauty, like the night…but not to be mistaken for Lady Macbeth.
- What did Hamlet say when he ran out of conditioner? To die, to sleep – to condition no more.
- Why did Othello rush to buy skin cream? He was concerned about the more of Venice.
- What kind of car do Shakespearean characters drive? A two-door phoenix.
- I don’t always understand Shakespeare, but when I do, I feel like a midsummer night’s seems.
- Why did Julius Caesar turn down offers from shampoo companies? Because he believed in the conspira-conditioner.
- I hear Shakespeare smoked a pipe, but he never shared his tobacco: it’s a well-known Bard habit.
Brush Up on Your Bard Humor: QnA Jokes & Puns About Shakespeare!
- Q: What did Shakespeare say when he was asked if he wanted to split a pizza? A: To eat or not to eat, that is the question!
- Q: What do you call a group of Shakespearean actors who are terrible at improv? A: The Bard at Improv-erished Players.
- Q: What do you call a Shakespearean play set in a bakery? A: Much Ado About Buns.
- Q: Why did Shakespeare have to close his bakery business? A: Because all his bread rose.
- Q: Did you hear about the Shakespearean actor who kept forgetting his lines? A: He never had much ado about nothing.
- Q: What did Shakespeare say when he moved into a new house? A: This is much ado about dwelling.
- Q: Why did Hamlet have trouble getting a date? A: He was too much of a play-on-wo-man.
- Q: Why was Juliet always cold? A: Because Romeo had stolen her blanket.
- Q: What did the ghost of Banquo say when he saw Macbeth’s banquet spread? A: I’ll have what he’s having.
- Q: How does Shakespeare prefer his toast? A: To be or not to be? That is the toaster.
- Q: Why did Ophelia bring her knitting needles to the pond? A: She wanted to drown her sweater.
- Q: Why did the witches prefer making potions to baking? A: Because they didn’t want to risk getting any Macbeth in their cake.
- Q: What was Shakespeare’s favorite holiday? A: Valen-tine forventures.
- Q: What’s a Shakespeare’s favorite type of bird? A: A playwright.
- Q: Why did Shakespeare switch from writing tragedies to comedies? A: He needed a break from all the deaths and double-crossings.
- Q: Why did Macbeth hate his accountant? A: He kept saying “Out, damned spot!” whenever he tried to do his taxes.
- Q: What do you call a Shakespearean actor who never breaks character? A: A method to their madness.
- Q: Why did Juliet’s suitor refuse to marry her? A: He didn’t want to make any more of a Montague out of it.
- Q: What do you call a writer who has a fear of heights? A: A scaredscribe.
- Q: Why did Shakespeare’s wife constantly nag him about his writing? A: Because he was always married to his tragedy.
Brush up on your Bard humor with these Dad Jokes about Shakespeare!
- Why did Shakespeare only write in ink? Because he couldn’t think in pencil.
- What do you call a play about taxes written by Shakespeare? A Midsummer Night’s Relief
- How many Shakespearean characters does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they prefer to be in the dark.
- Why did Shakespeare only write tragedies? Because he couldn’t handle the pressure of writing comedies.
- Did you hear about the playwright who posed as Shakespeare? He was an imposterbard.
- What did Shakespeare say when he accidentally spilled his drink on his quill? “Oh, quill me now!”
- How do you know if Shakespeare likes your outfit? He’ll give it a dramatic soliloquy.
- Why did Lady Macbeth always carry an umbrella? Because she was a queen of drizzle.
- What did Shakespeare say when he couldn’t find his pen? “To ink or not to ink, that is the question.”
- How did Shakespeare get his start in writing? He found his feet and became a playwright.
- Where does Shakespeare go to get his hair done? The Bardber shop.
- What’s Shakespeare’s favorite type of music? Bard rock.
- Why did Shakespeare prefer performing at outdoor theaters? Because playing indoors made him feel caged in.
- What did the prince say when he saw Romeo fighting in the streets? “Should I doth step in?”
- How does Juliet keep her hair so shiny? With a good rinse and a Capulet.
- Why don’t Shakespeare’s characters drink coffee? Because they prefer their love served hot.
- What did Shakespeare order at the coffee shop? A Bard-presso.
- Why did Shakespeare’s plays always have such dramatic endings? Because he liked to go out with a bang instead of a whimper.
- How does Shakespeare like his eggs? To be or not to be scrambled.
- What’s Shakespeare’s favorite sport? Taekwondo-wo-wo.
To ‘Bard’ or Not to ‘Bard’: Hilarious Shakespeare Puns & Jokes for Kids
- Why did Shakespeare refuse to use his favorite pen? Because it was ‘bard’ quality.
- What did the Shakespearean bee say to the flower? “Iamb-ing for some pollen!”
- Why did Shakespeare always write in iambic pentameter? Because he couldn’t afford an ‘iamb’ulance.
- If Shakespeare was a gardener, what would he grow? Son-net-ries.
- What did Shakespeare say when he accidentally dropped his quill in the river? “Alas, poor ‘york’!”
- Did you know Shakespeare had a favorite type of wood? It was ‘cedar’-tainly the best!
- Why did Shakespeare hate playing billiards? Because he couldn’t ‘cue’ any of the balls!
- What did the ghost say to Hamlet’s father? “To be or not to ‘boo’?”
- How did Shakespeare fix his broken pencil? With a ‘pen’-cil sharpener.
- What did Shakespeare say when he tripped and fell on stage? “Et tu, ‘ground’?”
- Why was Shakespeare always so good at word games? Because he loved ‘punning’ with words.
- What did the sailor say when he saw the Shakespeare play? “I can’t ‘sea’ enough of this!”
- What did the Shakespearean squirrel say when he found his nut missing? “Alas, poor ‘chest’-nut!”
- Why did Shakespeare refuse to use a typewriter? Because he was afraid of ‘pressing’ the wrong keys.
- What did Juliet say when Romeo asked her to marry him? “Yea, ‘nay’!”
- Why did Shakespeare cross the road? To get to the ‘bard’-er on the other side.
- What did Shakespeare say when he was asked if he wanted a cup of tea? “I’ll ‘perk’ up at the offer!”
- What did King Henry say when he lost his crown? “I’m having a ‘crown’-king nightmare!”
- Why did Othello hate going to theme parks? Because he didn’t like riding the ‘roller-moor'(s).
- What did Shakespeare say when he couldn’t find his favorite book? “To be ‘book’-to or not to be!”
Laughing with the Bard: Hilarious Quotes about Shakespeare
- “Some people say Shakespeare is overrated, but I say they just didn’t get the joke.”
- “Iambic pentameter? More like iambic punishment-ameter.”
- “If all the world’s a stage, then can I get a refund for being a mere extra?”
- “Shakespeare is proof that even geniuses have writer’s block.”
- “Romeo and Juliet is basically a cautionary tale of what happens when you let your hormones make decisions.”
- “To be or not to be? That is the question, but let’s be real, we’re all just pretending to be adults.”
- “If brevity is the soul of wit, then Shakespeare must have had one heck of a soul.”
- “The only thing more confusing than the plot of a Shakespeare play is trying to pronounce the character names.”
- “If love is blind, then Shakespeare was the master of blind date poetry.”
- “I don’t always understand Shakespeare, but when I do, it’s because I just watched the movie adaptation.”
- “Why bother reading Shakespeare when you can just watch a Keanu Reeves movie and get the same level of eloquence?”
- “Shakespeare may have invented new words, but I’m pretty sure he also invented thesaurus abuse.”
- “Shakespeare was basically the original rapper, using wordplay and rhymes to drop some serious sonnets.”
- “If Shakespeare were alive today, he’d probably be writing sitcoms and making us all laugh.”
- “The best part of reading Shakespeare is getting to use fancy words in everyday conversation and pretending to be sophisticated.”
- “Hamlet may be the Prince of Denmark, but Macbeth is definitely the King of Drama Queens.”
- “Shakespeare is like wine – people think it’s classy and sophisticated, but really it’s just fermented grapes.”
- “Is there anything more terrifying than a high school English teacher re-enacting a Shakespearean death scene?”
- “If Shakespeare were around today, he’d be the king of social media with all his quick-witted one-liners and romantic sonnets.”
- “They say Shakespeare is timeless, but I’m pretty sure if he came back to life, he’d be totally lost in this modern world.”
To Laugh or Not to Laugh: Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Shakespeare’s Wit
- “All’s fair in love and Shakespeare, until someone brings up the balcony scene.”
- “To be or not to be, that is the question…but who cares, have some wine and enjoy the play!”
- “The pen may be mightier than the sword, but a good pun can slay an audience.”
- “Romeo and Juliet have nothing on us, we’ve been quarantined together for months.”
- “Brevity is the soul of wit, but a good monologue is the soul of a Shakespearean play.”
- “Out, damned Shakespeare! Macbeth was obviously a writer’s block.”
- “Parting is such sweet sorrow, which is why we named our comedy troupe ‘The Goodbyes.'”
- “All the world’s a stage, but sometimes I just want to be in the audience with popcorn.”
- “Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your earplugs for your snoring during Shakespeare.”
- “A rose by any other name would still have thorns, just like ‘The Taming of the Shrew.'”
- “What’s in a name? A few hundred pages of flowery language and an unnecessarily tragic ending.”
- “To thine own self be true, unless you’re playing a character, then be true to the script.”
- “Love looks not with the eyes, but with the wallet. Those theater tickets were expensive.”
- “There are more things in heaven and Earth than are dreamt of…unless you’re in A Midsummer Night’s Dream.”
- “To err is human, to quote Shakespeare to cover it up is theatrical genius.”
- “A horse, a horse, my kingdom for an understudy!”
- “Life is but a walking shadow…unless you’ve got a good highlight and contour.”
- “What’s past is prologue, but the future is full of improv and crazy plot twists.”
- “Oh fair Juliet, why must you be so dramatic? Just call him on your cellphone and tell him you’re okay.”
- “To be or not to be…is a pretty deep question, let’s just stick to discussing Hamlet, okay?”
Shakespeare Himself Would Approve of These Double Entendres and Puns!
- “To be or not to be? That is the burning question.”
- “If music be the food of love, play on, for I am quite hungry.”
- “Wouldst thou like to see my codpiece? It’s quite the conversation piece.”
- “Parting is such sweet sorrow, especially when she leaves me with an uneven shave.”
- “I’ll have thee know, I am a man of many talents. I can both read and write in iambic pentameter.”
- “My love for thee is like a rose, thorny yet beautiful and always smells a bit fishy.”
- “Oh Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo? Don’t tell me thou hast forgotten our date at the pub.”
- “Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him well, for he always had a bone to pick with me.”
- “Methinks thou dost protest too much about thy size.”
- “Brevity is the soul of wit, and also the amount of hair I have left on my head.”
- “To prick or not to prick? That is the question.”
- “Hark! What light through yonder window breaks? ‘Tis the moon and thou shouldst close thy curtains.”
- “Forsooth, I have a sweet tooth for my Lady’s sugared lips.”
- “All the world’s a stage, and men and women merely players, but I must say, she plays her part well.”
- “Tis better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all, especially if thou hast lost thy hair in the process.”
- “What’s in a term? That which we call a rose by any other name would still smell as sweet, but it would also make for a terrible nickname.”
- “Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, so close thine eyes and imagine me as George Clooney.”
- “A rose by any other name would still be a rose, but a rose by any other scent could be a bit off-putting.”
- “Conscience doth make carrion of us all, but let’s not spoil our appetite with such dark thoughts over dinner.”
- “The course of true love never did run smooth, unlike my freshly waxed legs.”
William Words-ed: Recursive Puns about Shakespeare
- Did you hear about the actor who only performed in Shakespearean plays? He was a real bard-core fan.
- My friend asked me to help him memorize his lines for Romeo and Juliet, and I said, “Sure, I’m always up for a good ‘Romeo and recursive'”.
- Why couldn’t the audience stop laughing during the production of ‘Hamlet’? Because the jokes were just too pun-ful!
- I can’t decide if the best part of reading ‘Macbeth’ is the plot twist, or the witch puns – it’s a real double, double, toil and trouble.
- I’m convinced that Shakespearean actors are secretly magicians, because they can turn any phrase into a bard-erline masterpiece.
- What do you get when you cross a Shakespeare play with a math textbook? A Midsummer Night’s Dream: 2xy + (2yz)^2 = Romeo and Juliet.
- I heard Shakespeare was a master of wordplay, but his jokes were so witty, they were like infinite jests.
- I tried to write my own play in iambic pentameter, but it just ended up being a pity ‘brain-teaser-verse’.
- You know you’ve got a true bard-iac on your hands when they start quoting ‘As You Like It’ at the dinner table.
- They say Shakespeare’s comedies end in marriage, but I think they also end in puns – they’re Much Ado About Nothing!
- Sorry I’m late to rehearsal, I got lost trying to find the right ‘Hamlet’, and ended up in a ‘recursive’ spiral of confusion.
- They say Shakespeare invented over 1,000 words in the English language, but I think he also invented 1,000 different ways to make bad puns.
- I asked my history teacher why Shakespeare’s plays are still so popular today, and he said it’s because they’re timeless – like a pun stuck in a loop.
- Why did the actor refuse to play King Lear? He didn’t want to ‘bard-er’ his reputation with a foolish character.
- The best part about reading ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’? The fairy-tale ending – or should I say, the ‘fae-ry-tale’ ending.
- I heard they’re coming out with a new line of Shakespeare-themed shoes – it’s called “The Sonnets Collection – guaranteed to be ‘iambic-ally’ comfortable!
- I can’t decide if I’m more of a romeo or a Juliet – but my friends say I’m definitely a ‘pun-of-a-kind’.
- I tried to come up with my own Shakespearean insult, but I just couldn’t get past the ‘recursion’.
- They say you should never mess with an original Shakespeare script – but what if we added a few puns in ‘infinite jest’?
- You know you’re a true fan of Shakespeare when your kitchen is stocked with ‘Menu and brand-y’.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? William Shakespeare. William Shakespeare who? To be or not to be, that is the question. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Romeo. Romeo who? Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo? Clearly not at the door for this knock-knock joke.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? William. William who? William I’ll be seeing Shakespeare’s latest play, it’s sure to be a hit!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hamlet. Hamlet who? Hamlet you finish your soliloquy before we knock again?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Thou. Thou who? Thou shalt not pass up tickets to see Macbeth!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Romeo. Romeo who? Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou knocking at my door?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Titus. Titus who? Titus the season for comedies and tragedies at the Globe Theatre!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ophelia. Ophelia who? Ophelia-dee, Ophelia-dum, Shakespeare’s plays make me feel so glum!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cordelia. Cordelia who? Cordelia-n’t believe we get to watch King Lear tonight!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Portia. Portia who? Portia another round of ale, I need to quench my thirst after watching Shakespeare’s longest play.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Antony. Antony who? Antony way we could skip school and watch Julius Caesar instead?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Falstaff. Falstaff who? Falstaff way to spend our evening than at a Shakespearean play.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Helena. Helena who? Helena be seeing you all at the Midsummer Night’s Dream performance!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Juliet. Juliet who? Juliet’s not healthy to watch so many tragedies in one week, let’s switch to comedies.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Benedick. Benedick who? Benedick-ted to seeing Shakespeare’s plays whenever they come to town.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Viola. Viola who? Viola it is, we’ve been waiting in line for hours to get tickets to see Twelfth Night.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Mercutio. Mercutio who? Mercutio the queen for her patronage of Shakespeare’s plays.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Puck. Puck who? Puck up your courage and audition for the next Shakespearean play at our school.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Feste. Feste who? Feste-ive mood after watching The Twelfth Night, I can’t stop laughing!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Regan. Regan who? Regan-t my ticket and I’ll gladly pay you back after the play.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Caliban. Caliban who? Caliban believe how much we’ve learned about Shakespeare from watching his plays!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Rosencrantz. Rosencrantz who? Rosencrantzadd to our group costume for the Renaissance Faire, we’re going as characters from Hamlet!
Bard None: The Shakespeare Joke Finale
Thank you for indulging in our extensive collection of Shakespeare puns! We hope that after reading these, you’ll be bard to the bone and ready to take on any challenge. Don’t forget to check out our other punny posts for more laughs and witticisms. Remember, all’s well that ends well… or ends with a good pun at least.
