Attention all joke lovers! Are you ready for a laugh-tastic adventure? Look no further because we have the one puns you’ve been waiting for! Get ready to say “one-liner” and laugh until your sides hurt! Whether you’re a kid or a kid at heart, these clever puns about the number one will have you rolling on the floor with laughter. So without further ado, here’s our list of the best one jokes that will surely add some positive humor to your day!
One in a Million Humorous ‘One’ Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks
- What do you call a lonely number? One-ely.
- Why was the number one afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine.
- How does one organize a space party? They planet.
- Why don’t numbers get married? Because they’re one-to-many relationships.
- How does one impress a math teacher? By adding to the equation.
- Why did the number one go to therapy? Because it was number two’s shadow.
- What do you call a sleeping number? A one-dream.
- Why did the number one break up with the letter O? Because O was always a round and one wanted to be straight.
- How does one make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it.
- What do you call a snowman in the summertime? One puddle.
- Why was one afraid of the number zero? Because it never had any value.
- How does the number one apologize? By saying “I’m one-ly human.”
- What do you call a group of rabbits hopping backwards, one after the other? A reverse hare-em.
- Why doesn’t one simply walk into Mordor? Because one does not simply walk, they have to use their legs!
- How did the one get to the other side? It just took a step in the right direction.
- What do you call a one-legged horse? A unicycle.
- Why was the number one bad at sports? Because it always wanted to be number one, not just first place.
- How does the number one get in shape? It does one sit-up, one push-up, and one jumping jack.
- What did the number one say to the number eight? “Nice belt.”
- Why is the number one like a crocodile? Because it starts with a ‘one’ and ends with a ‘snaper.’
Laugh Out Loud with These Funny ‘One’ One-Liner Jokes!
- “I told my wife she was my one and only. She said, ‘I hope I’m the one and you’re the only.'”
- “There’s only one problem with being single. It’s lonely being the one.”
- “I asked the librarian if the book ‘How to Handle Being Alone’ was in. She said, ‘It’s out, but it’s never been checked out. You could be the one.'”
- “If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I’d have one dollar. Because you never leave my mind.”
- “Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems but only one solution.”
- “I have one wish left, and it’s to stop counting.”
- “I’m a one-hit wonder. I hit snooze and wonder where the morning went.”
- “Being in a nudist colony must be hard for the mathematicians. They have nothing to count but one, one, one…”
- “I only have one vice. It’s the one I’m doing right now.”
- “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. That’s one way to do it!”
- “One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.”
- “My dog can retrieve a stick from 5 miles away. Sounds far fetched, but I have one fetching dog.”
- “I bought a boat because it’s the one thing I can truly say is mine, sweeping!”
- “I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down, just like this one liner.”
- “Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana. That’s one to think about.”
- “They told me to be the change I want to see in the world. Now I’m broke from all the wishing wells. One cent at a time.”
- “I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already but who’s counting? Just one more.”
- “I only know one joke about construction, but I’m still working on it.”
- “One day, I aspire to be as lazy as the person who named the fireplace.”
- “The first rule of Thesaurus Club is you don’t talk about, mention, speak of, discuss, or chat about Thesaurus Club. There’s only one rule.”
QnA Jokes & Puns about ‘One’ are a ‘one-derful’ way to brighten up your day!
- Why did the number one go skydiving? Because it wanted to be the first to fall.
- How does the number one stay in shape? It does one push-up every day.
- Why was one afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine.
- What do you call a lonely number? A one-der.
- What did one say to the other numbers? I’m the only odd one out.
- Why did the number one cross the road? To get to the math problem on the other side.
- How does one celebrate its birthday? It takes itself out to a one-star restaurant.
- What do you call an opinionated number? A know-it-one.
- Why do numbers go to therapy? To work through their complex relationship issues.
- How many ones does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but it has to really want to change.
- What do you call a sad number? A blue-one.
- Can one marry another number? No, it can only be a singular marriage.
- What do you call a number that’s always correcting people? A one-upper.
- Why was one afraid to go bungee jumping? Because it was afraid of going one direction.
- How does one avoid getting lost? It always knows which direction is due north, since it’s the first number on the compass.
- Why did the number one go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t feeling prime.
- What do you call a stubborn number? A willful-one.
- Why was one always so popular in school? Because it was always at the top of the class.
- What did one say to the other numbers at the party? Let’s all have a prime time.
- How does one make sure its clothes are evenly distributed? It does one load of laundry at a time.
One Swell of a Dad Joke: One-liners for the Ages
- Why couldn’t the bicycle go faster? Because it was a one-speed!
- Why did the mathematician only divide by one? Because he was one-derful at math!
- Did you hear about the musician who only wrote songs about the number one? He was a one-hit wonder.
- I bought some shoes from a drug dealer, I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day. They must have been one sole.
- Why did the one-handed man cross the road? To get to the second-hand store.
- Why was the number one afraid of the number seven? Because seven eight nine.
- Did you hear about the new restaurant called ‘One Plate Only’? It’s really exclusive, they only serve one dish.
- I only ever have one egg for breakfast, because one egg is an oeuf.
- How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles, but just one tickle will do for a mono-pus.
- I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!
- Why was the number 1 so cool? Because it had zero degrees.
- What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
- Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
- I would tell you my pizza joke, but it’s a little cheesy.
- What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner is on me!
- What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time!
- I hate having to go to weddings alone, I always get that ‘I am kinda handsome look’ before it gets awkward.
- I tried to make a belt out of watches, but it was a waist of time.
- What did one snowman say to the other snowman? Do you smell carrots?
- Why can’t you trust atoms? They make up everything!
One-drously Funny Puns & Jokes for Kids to Brighten Up Their Day
- Why was the number one sad? Because he was feeling number one-derful!
- What did the number one say when he was feeling down? I need to get to one-derland!
- Why did the number one go to the doctor? Because he was feeling out of his prime!
- What did the number one say to the number eight? Nice belt, it really ties you all together!
- Why did the number one need a bandaid? Because he had a number one-derful scratch!
- How does the number one make decisions? By using one-derful logic!
- What did the number one say to the number two? I’m odd and you’re even, but together we make a perfect couple!
- How do you know if a joke is funny? If it gets a one-derful response!
- What did the number one say when he went to the beach? One second, let me put on my one-piece suit!
- Why did the number one feel left out? Because he couldn’t join any of the other numbers in a Hi-5!
- How does the number one stay fit? By doing one-derful exercises!
- Why did the number one prefer the letter E? Because it always makes him feel oneincredibly special!
- What do you call a number that can never be divided? Ir-rational!
- What’s the best way to communicate with the number one? Through one-derful conversations!
- How does the number one keep his place in line? By being number one, of course!
- Why did the number one feel unimportant? Because he was always being compared to the other numbers and never stood out on his own.
- Why did the number one go to the dentist? To get his number-one-derfully white teeth checked!
- What’s the number one’s favorite animal? A unicorn, because it has one horn!
- What did the number one say to the number ten? You’re twice my size, but I’m still number one!
- Why did the number one feel like he was melting? Because it was too hot, it was like a one-derful meltdown!
Laughs in Unison: Funny Quotes about One
- “They say one is the loneliest number, but I don’t mind being the only one in my bed with these comfy pillows.”
- “I only need one slice of pizza to be satisfied…okay, maybe two.”
- “I may be just one person, but I have the power to finish a whole tub of ice cream in one sitting.”
- “One word: Netflix. Because who needs a social life when you have a subscription?”
- “One may be the first, but two is always better… unless it’s two mosquitoes.”
- “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you might as well find someone who’s one level down.”
- “Fate can be a funny thing…one minute you’re single, the next minute you’re swiping on dating apps like there’s no tomorrow.”
- “One minute, I’m a functioning adult, the next minute I’m crying over a cute puppy video.”
- “I have one rule for eating healthy: if it tastes good, spit it out.”
- “Being an adult means always having to be the responsible one…except when it comes to buying snacks.”
- “One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.”
- “They say money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy me one hell of a vacation.”
- “My diet plan? Well, I consider walking to the fridge as my daily exercise.”
- “One job that I would actually enjoy? Professional napper.”
- “They say opposites attract…well, I must be a magnet because I only attract weirdos.”
- “One way to save money? Hang out with people who always forget to bring their wallets.”
- “I have a love-hate relationship with my alarm clock…one minute, it’s my best friend, the next, it’s my worst enemy.”
- “The key to a successful relationship? Finding someone who can put up with your weirdness for more than one day.”
- “My type? One who can make me laugh, and by that I mean pay for my endless supply of tacos.”
- “Just remember, you’re only one decision away from a completely different life…or one sale away from a new wardrobe.”
One of a Kind: Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about ‘One’
- “One apple a day keeps the doctor away, but one pizza a day keeps me happy.”
- “The early bird gets the worm, but one that snoozes gets brunch.”
- “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure, but let’s be real, it’s just garbage.”
- “You can lead a horse to water, but one will probably kick you if you try to make it drink.”
- “One bad apple spoils the whole bunch, but one good gossip can ruin the whole office.”
- “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket, unless it’s Easter and you’re making omelettes.”
- “One man’s ceiling is another man’s floor, and I’m just over here trying not to trip.”
- “One size fits all? More like one size fits none.”
- “You can’t have your cake and eat it too, but you can have one slice and then hide the rest for later.”
- “One man’s loss is another man’s gain, unless you’re talking about weight, then it’s just unfair.”
- “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, but one swat with a fly swatter works just as well.”
- “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me one hundred times, well…I’m just really gullible.”
- “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure, unless that man is a hoarder. Then it’s just trash.”
- “You can’t make everyone happy, but one cat meme can make my whole day.”
- “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take, but I don’t take shots because tequila makes me do crazy things.”
- “One step forward, two steps back? Sounds like my dance moves after a few cocktails.”
- “Easy come, easy go, but one night with a box of Oreos lasts forever.”
- “You can lead a horse to water, but one sip of my coffee and he’ll be wide awake.”
- “One man’s word is his bond, but one woman’s side of the story is the truth.”
- “A picture is worth a thousand words, but a selfie is only worth one word: obsessed.”
One is Never Enough: Mastering the Art of One Double Entendres Puns
- “If you think one door closes so another can open, you haven’t seen my credit report.”
- “I only have one body, two hands, but a million thoughts. Guess which one keeps me up at night?”
- “One day I hope to be wealthy enough to not skip the ads on YouTube.”
- “I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug. One big mistake.”
- “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you were adopted.”
- “One bird can’t make a pun. But toucan.”
- “I told my computer I needed a break, and it said, ‘Why? Only one of us works.'”
- “I only play chess with bald men. I can’t handle hair pieces.”
- “I’m only friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know Y.”
- “My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that, one day at a time.”
- “I only have a kitchen because it came with the house.”
- “I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and eat it. But only one plate at a time.”
- “One more word about my laziness and I swear I’ll do nothing.”
- “I make beer disappear. What’s your one superpower?”
- “One-liners are like coins. Two sides, unless you’re flat broke.”
- “I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.”
- “One way to stop the gossip? Mind your own beeswax.”
- “I believe in karma. That means I can do bad things to people all day long and assume they deserve it.”
- “One more gray hair? Call it a silver lining.”
- “I once went fishing and caught the fish of a lifetime. Sadly, it was a loan shark.”
One-derfully Funny Recursive Puns about One
- Why was the number one afraid of entering the haunted house? Because it had one too many ghosts in it!
- How do you make a one disappear? Add a negative sign in front of it and you’ll have a minus-one-tion!
- What did one hat say to the other? You stay here, I’ll go on ahead one step at a time.
- Did you know that one is a self-centred number? After all, it’s always the first to be divided in fractions.
- Why is it awkward to tell a one to stop being so negative? They always reply, “But I’m just being one-est!”
- How do you train a number one to become a doctor? Give it a stethoscope and it’ll become an ‘i’ specialist!
- Why did the number one hold a grudge against the others? Because they always tried to make it divide and conquer!
- Did you hear about the one who fell in love with its own reflection? It was a classic case of ‘one-sided’ love.
- What do you call a number one that’s also a thief? A serial ‘one-theft’!
- What did one math book say to the other when they were bored? Let’s multiply ourselves and become twos!
- How do you solve a problem like one being lonely? Just add a plus sign and it’ll become positive one-tude!
- What’s the best workout for a number one? Holding up a sign that says ‘divide and conquer’!
- What do you get when you cross a one with a four? A ‘forlorn’ number that can’t help but feel left out!
- Why did the number one always stay in shape? Because it never skipped days of being first!
- How do you make the number one interesting? Add a decimal point and it’ll be the center of all the attention!
- What did one circle say to the other when they met? “Looks like we’ve finally squared things off between us!”
- Why was the number one always so competitive? It had a ‘winning’ attitude that couldn’t be one-upped!
- Did you hear about the one who couldn’t hold its liquor? It kept falling over and getting dizzy!
- Why did the number one get a restraining order against zero? It wanted to keep a ‘one-track mind’ and not be divided!
- How do you make a number one feel taller? Just add a zero below and it’ll seem like it has a ‘long’ way to go!
Laugh Out Loud with These Funny ‘One’ One-Liner Jokes!
- “I told my wife she was my one and only. She said, ‘I hope I’m the one and you’re the only.'”
- “There’s only one problem with being single. It’s lonely being the one.”
- “I asked the librarian if the book ‘How to Handle Being Alone’ was in. She said, ‘It’s out, but it’s never been checked out. You could be the one.'”
- “If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I’d have one dollar. Because you never leave my mind.”
- “Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems but only one solution.”
- “I have one wish left, and it’s to stop counting.”
- “I’m a one-hit wonder. I hit snooze and wonder where the morning went.”
- “Being in a nudist colony must be hard for the mathematicians. They have nothing to count but one, one, one…”
- “I only have one vice. It’s the one I’m doing right now.”
- “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. That’s one way to do it!”
- “One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.”
- “My dog can retrieve a stick from 5 miles away. Sounds far fetched, but I have one fetching dog.”
- “I bought a boat because it’s the one thing I can truly say is mine, sweeping!”
- “I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down, just like this one liner.”
- “Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana. That’s one to think about.”
- “They told me to be the change I want to see in the world. Now I’m broke from all the wishing wells. One cent at a time.”
- “I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already but who’s counting? Just one more.”
- “I only know one joke about construction, but I’m still working on it.”
- “One day, I aspire to be as lazy as the person who named the fireplace.”
- “The first rule of Thesaurus Club is you don’t talk about, mention, speak of, discuss, or chat about Thesaurus Club. There’s only one rule.”
One is Never Enough: Mastering the Art of One Double Entendres Puns
- “If you think one door closes so another can open, you haven’t seen my credit report.”
- “I only have one body, two hands, but a million thoughts. Guess which one keeps me up at night?”
- “One day I hope to be wealthy enough to not skip the ads on YouTube.”
- “I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug. One big mistake.”
- “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you were adopted.”
- “One bird can’t make a pun. But toucan.”
- “I told my computer I needed a break, and it said, ‘Why? Only one of us works.'”
- “I only play chess with bald men. I can’t handle hair pieces.”
- “I’m only friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know Y.”
- “My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that, one day at a time.”
- “I only have a kitchen because it came with the house.”
- “I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and eat it. But only one plate at a time.”
- “One more word about my laziness and I swear I’ll do nothing.”
- “I make beer disappear. What’s your one superpower?”
- “One-liners are like coins. Two sides, unless you’re flat broke.”
- “I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.”
- “One way to stop the gossip? Mind your own beeswax.”
- “I believe in karma. That means I can do bad things to people all day long and assume they deserve it.”
- “One more gray hair? Call it a silver lining.”
- “I once went fishing and caught the fish of a lifetime. Sadly, it was a loan shark.”
Knock, knock. Who’s there? One is There!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? One. One who? One-dering why you aren’t laughing!
- Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Juan.
Juan who? Juan day you’ll let me in! - Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
One.
One who?
One more knock-knock joke, promise! - Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
One.
One who?
One-ly the loneliest number. - Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
One.
One who?
One-der if you’ll come out to play? - Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
One.
One who?
One-ly you can prevent forest fires! - Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
One.
One who?
One moment, I forgot why I’m here. - Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
One.
One who?
One-s upon a time, let’s be friends. - Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
One.
One who?
One do you think I can come in? - Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
One.
One who?
One thing led to another, and here I am! - Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
One.
One who?
One-derful to see you! - Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
One.
One who?
One more time, for old time’s sake? - Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
One.
One who?
One step closer to being inside! - Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
One.
One who?
One or two jokes, and I’ll go. - Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
One.
One who?
One you be my neighbor? - Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
One.
One who?
One-der why we keep doing this? - Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
One.
One who?
One more knock could open doors! - Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
One.
One who?
One day, we’ll look back and laugh. - Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
One.
One who?
One time offer, open up! - Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
One.
One who?
One moment please, I’ll find another joke!
Call it ‘One’ pun-derful post!
And with that, we’ve hit our quota for puns and jokes about the number one. But fear not, my friends, for there are plenty more giggles and groans to be had in the wide world of wordplay. So if you’re still craving that sweet punchline fix, check out our other pun-filled posts and be prepared to laugh until it hurts. As for now, it’s time to say “one-dy bye” and keep those puns rolling!
