Are you ready to laugh your way through the Big Apple? Look no further, because we have a list of the best New York jokes and puns that will have you in stitches! From the Empire State of mind to the city that never sleeps, we’ve got it all covered with clever and positive humor. Whether you’re a kid or just a kid at heart, these jokes are perfect for everyone. Get ready to explore the concrete jungle with some hilarious one-liners and quips about the city that never fails to entertain. So sit back, relax, and get ready to see New York in a whole new light – a funny one!
New York, New Jokes: Editor’s Top Picks for Big Apple Humor
- Why did the hotdog refuse to be eaten in New York City? Because it didn’t want to be part of the city’s dirty water!
- How does the Statue of Liberty stay in shape? By doing the New York hustle!
- Did you hear about the New Yorker who couldn’t stand elevators? He was always taking the stairs.
- What did the bagel say to the cream cheese? You complete me, lox!
- I asked a New Yorker for directions and they replied, “Fuggedaboutit.”
- What did the Brooklyn Bridge say to the Golden Gate Bridge? “Sorry, I can’t bridge this gap between us.”
- Why did the pizza go to New York City? To see the Big Cheese!
- What do New York tourists wear on their feet? Empire State loafer!
- How does a New Yorker find a needle in a haystack? He looks for a needle in the Upper East Side.
- What did the NYC subway rider say to the MTA worker? “Thanks for taking me for a ride!”
- Why did the balloon artist decide to move to NYC? He wanted to be part of the Big Apple.
- What did the hotdog stand manager say to the new employee? “Don’t screw up or you’ll be another rotten egg on the street.”
- How does a New Yorker spell relief? F-E-R-R-Y.
- What did Lady Liberty say when she was feeling down? “I’m just feeling a little statue-esque today.”
- Why did the crab decide to move to NYC? He wanted to be part of the crabulous city life.
- How does a New Yorker greet someone they don’t know? “Oh hey, it’s a pleasure to not know you!”
- Why did the bank robber decide to try and rob the Federal Reserve Bank in NYC? He heard it had the most dough.
- What did the hotdog vendor say to the customer with onion allergies? “No worries, I’ll hold the onions and the tears.”
- Why did the pigeon decide to move to New York City? He heard it was the place to really spread his wings.
- How does a New Yorker know when it’s time to leave a party? When someone starts talking about the Brooklyn Bridge being for sale.
Crack Up the Big Apple with These Hilarious One-Liners: Funny New York Jokes
- “Why did the hot dog vendor move to New York? Because he wanted to be a Big Weiner in the Big Apple!”
- “Did you hear about the new Broadway show called ‘The Elevator’? It’s a real up-lifting experience!”
- “I went to see the Statue of Liberty, but all I got was a tiny souvenir and a grand sense of irony.”
- “Why did the comedian have a successful show in New York? Because he was always keeping it Real.”
- “I thought about opening a gym in New York, but then I realized everyone here is already a pro at subway surfing.”
- “Why did the hot dog vendor get arrested? He was accused of selling buns without a license!”
- “I tried to take a picture with the Naked Cowboy in Times Square, but he charged me for every extra inch of skin.”
- “I went to a gentrification-themed party in Brooklyn… but I’m pretty sure I was the only real hipster there.”
- “Why was the pizza chef in New York feeling depressed? Because he felt like his life was just one big slice of pie.”
- The Empire State Building should really be called the Vampire State Building, because it sucks the money out of tourists’ wallets.
- “Did you hear about the New York pigeon that got a record deal? It’s gonna be dropping some sick beats on the street corner.”
- “Why did the tourist only visit the outer boroughs of New York? Because they couldn’t afford the tunnel tolls!”
- “Why did the taxi driver get lost in New York City? He kept taking wrong turns on Broadway.”
- “My friend tried to give me tips on navigating the subway system… but all I heard was ‘mind the gap’ and ‘stand clear of the closing doors’.”
- “Why did the squirrel in Central Park start charging admission? He discovered he was sitting on a gold mine of tourists’ snacks.”
- “Forget about the stock market… in New York, the only thing that’s booming is the sound of honking cars.”
- “I heard the rats in New York were getting so big, people are starting to mistake them for miniature subway trains.”
- “Why did the jogger get lost in Central Park? Because they took a wrong turn on Turtle Pond and ended up on the other side of the world.
- “I went to a fancy New York restaurant and ordered a classic bagel and lox dish… but all I got was a regular bagel and maybe some loose change.”
- “Why did the New Yorker refuse to take the stairs? They had a fear of escalators breaking down and having to walk up them.”
Exploring the Concrete Jungle: QnA Jokes & Puns about New York
- Q: Why did the New Yorker switch to decaf? A: Because he couldn’t handle all the buzz in the city!
- Q: Did you hear about the statue of liberty’s new diet? A: She lost a ton of weight, now she’s just ‘Liberty’.
- Q: Why was the Empire State Building always so tired? A: Because it was always running up and down the stairCasedes!
- Q: Why did the ghost move to New York City? A: Because it wanted to be booed and haunted by everyone!
- Q: What did the hot dog vendor say when he ran out of hot dogs? A: “Well, that’s the wurst!”
- Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None, they just wait for someone else to do it.
- Q: Why did the pizza slice go to therapy? A: Because it felt sliced off from the rest of the pie.
- Q: What did the New Yorker say to the pigeon? A: “Hey, I’m walking here!
- Q: Why did the New Yorker cross the road? A: To get to the brunch spot on the other side.
- Q: What’s the best part about living in New York City? A: Leaving it on vacation!
- Q: Why did the New Yorker bring an umbrella to the Broadway show? A: In case there was a standing ovation!
- Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: One, but he’ll charge you $200 for labor.
- Q: What did the Statue of Liberty say when she saw her crush? A: “Oh my God, I’m so nervous I’m green!”
- Q: Why did the hot dog vendor move to Times Square? A: To relish in the bright lights and big city.
- Q: What did the cannoli say to the cheesecake? A: “You better watch your waistline, we’re in New York now!
- Q: What did the bagel say when it saw its reflection? A: “I’m so distressed!”
- Q: Why did the New Yorker refuse to leave Central Park? A: Because he was a tree hugger.
- Q: What did the New Yorker say when he stubbed his toe? A: “Fuhgeddaboudit!”
- Q: What do you call a New Yorker who only eats kale? A: A Yankee Noodle Dandy.
- Q: How does a snowman get to work in New York City? A: By icicle-ing a cab!
Concrete Comedy: Dad Jokes about New York
- Why did the New York City bus driver get fired? He took too many breaks in Times Square!
- I asked my New Yorker friend if he ever gets homesick. He said, “What do you mean? I live in New York, not Old York.”
- What do you call a New Yorker who loves cheese? A cheddar-loving Yankee!
- I couldn’t find a parking spot in New York, so I just had to fuhgettaboutit.
- Did you hear about the New Yorker who started his own bakery? He made a lot of dough.
- What do you get when you mix a New Yorker with a cat? A meowyorker!
- I accidentally packed my car with all my clothes when moving to New York. Now it’s a Manhattan-tent!
- Why did the New York City politician switch parties? He wanted to be a party of the Big Apple.
- I tried to give my New Yorker friend some flowers, but he said, “No thanks, I prefer concrete.”
- Why did the New York City cop give a ticket to the hot dog vendor? He was doing a franklin violation!
- How did the New Yorker make a million dollars? He started with six million!
- I asked my friend from Buffalo if he ever gets bored. He said, “I’ve never been board in my whole life!”
- What did the New Yorker say when he visited Central Park for the first time? “I didn’t know we had a yard this big!”
- Why did the New York City artist always wear headphones while painting? To avoid getting paint in her ears!
- Why was the New York City dog wearing sunglasses? He was a bichon noir!
- What did the New Yorker say to his pizza before taking a bite? “You got a nice slice!”
- Why did the New York City banker take an umbrella to work? He wanted to be rainkeeping!
- I told a New Yorker I was going to see the Statue of Liberty, and he said, “No way, that’s lady Liberty.”
- Why did the New York City rapper start a food truck business? He wanted to serve up some hot beats!
- Did you know that you can’t trust stairs in New York? They’re always up to something.
Tickle Their ‘Big Apple’ with These ‘New York’ Puns & Jokes for Kids!
- Why was the Statue of Liberty tired? Because she had a long day of standing around.
- How many New Yorkers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they’re too busy hailing cabs.
- What did one skyscraper say to the other? “I look up to you!”
- What did the hot dog vendor say when someone asked for a Chicago-style hot dog in New York? “Fuhgeddaboutit!”
- Why was the Empire State Building always tired? Because it was always working overtime!
- What do you call a New York City fish? A Hudson Herring!
- What did one New York City police officer say to the other when they saw a group of tourists taking pictures? “Looks like we’ve got some ‘shutter’bugs here!”
- What do you call Batman when he skips church? Christian Bale!
- Why did the New York City pretzel go to the doctor? Because it was feeling a little salty.
- How do you know if a New Yorker is in love? They’ll take a cab instead of the subway.
- Why did the hot dog go to New York City? To get some street meat!
- How does a New Yorker refer to their Sunday routine? “Bagel and lox-in’ it up!”
- What do you call a city that only has tiny dogs? New Yorkie City!
- How did the New Yorker greet their long-lost friend? “It’s bin too long!”
- What do you call a zombie who loves living in New York City? A Dead Yorker!
- Why did the musician choose to perform in Central Park? Because it was a “Central” location for all his fans.
- What do you call a group of New Yorkers stuck in an elevator? A captive audience!
- How do you know if a New Yorker is dieting? They’ll be counting their “Steps” instead of their calories.
- Why do New Yorkers love their subways? Because it’s the only time they can get a seat in the city!
- What did the comedian say when they were asked to perform at a New York City comedy club? “I can’t wait to get some big Apple laughs!”
Making the ‘concrete jungle’ a little more bearable: Funny Quotes about New York
- “If you can make it in New York, you can probably make it anywhere… except maybe the subway during rush hour.”
- “In New York, even the pigeons have a better sense of direction than I do.”
- “They say you should never sleep in New York, but let’s be real, the real crime is paying rent for a closet-sized apartment.”
- “I always feel like Dorothy lost in the concrete jungle… except instead of ruby slippers, I have a MetroCard.”
- “Being a New Yorker means being on a first-name basis with every bodega owner within a five-block radius.”
- “Living in New York is like being in a constant state of FOMO (fear of missing out) on something.”
- “You know you’re a true New Yorker when you can balance a slice of pizza while riding the subway without looking like a tourist.”
- “One thing you can always count on in New York: street performers will always be more entertaining than the actual show you paid for.”
- “The city that never sleeps? More like the city that never stops honking.”
- “New York: where brunch is a religion and bottomless mimosas are the holy water.”
- “Only in New York can you get a slice of pizza, a bagel, and a hot dog in a 10-foot radius.”
- “A true New Yorker’s version of camping is living without a doorman for a week.”
- “I think the real reason Spiderman decided to live in New York was to avoid paying rent.”
- “The most amazing thing about New York is that no matter where you go, you always find more chaos.”
- “You know the saying ‘New York Minute’? Yeah, that’s just a fancy way of saying ‘you’re already late.'”
- “New York isn’t called the Big Apple for nothing… one bite and you’ll be broke.”
- “If you’re not swearing and dodging tourists on the sidewalk, are you really in New York?”
- “They say the subway is a melting pot, but let’s be real, it’s just a hot mess.”
- “Being a New Yorker is like being in a lifelong relationship with a high-maintenance city.”
- “I thought finding a needle in a haystack was impossible until I tried finding an available parking spot in New York.”
From the Big Apple to the Big Laugh: Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about New York
- “In New York, time is money – and both are in short supply.”
- “A wise New Yorker knows when to hail a cab and when to walk.”
- “If you can make it in New York, you can make it anywhere – but don’t forget to tip your delivery guy.”
- They say the early bird gets the worm, but in New York, the early bird gets the first seat on the subway.
- “Even the Statue of Liberty is tired of holding that torch all day.”
- New York weather is like a box of chocolates – you never know what you’re going to get.
- “You can take the girl out of New York, but you can’t take the New York out of the girl.”
- “The only thing faster than a New Yorker walking is a New Yorker talking.”
- They say you should stop and smell the roses, but in Times Square, you’re lucky if you can find a trash can to stop and smell.
- “If you want something done right in New York, do it yourself – unless it involves parallel parking.”
- “A hot dog without sauerkraut may be a sacrilege, but a hot dog without mustard is just downright un-American.”
- “New York is like a game of Monopoly – don’t forget to collect $200 every time you pass go.”
- “The streets of New York are paved with coffee cups and dreams.”
- If you can find a quiet spot in New York, there’s probably a yoga studio on top of it.
- “The grass is always greener in Central Park – probably because everyone avoids walking on it.”
- “The skyscrapers in New York are nothing compared to the egos of its residents.”
- “If you can hear yourself think in New York, you must be at a museum – or very lost.”
- “In New York, the rats are the only ones who truly know the subway system.”
- They say breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but in New York, brunch is non-negotiable.
- “The city that never sleeps also never stops honking.”
Get a Taste of the Big ‘Apple’ with These ‘New York’-Inspired Double Entendres Puns
- “I took a bite of the Big Apple and boy, did it bite back!”
- “I’m always getting lost in New York, thank goodness for the GPS – Grittily-packed Streets”
- “What do you call a hot dog in Times Square? A hot dog with a view.”
- “I asked the Statue of Liberty for directions and she was very statue-fied.”
- “Why did the New Yorker cross the road? To get to the Hudson Manor!”
- “New York City may be the city that never sleeps, but I can never get enough of that skyline.”
- “Why did the hipster move to Brooklyn? Because he heard it had the most obscure coffee shops.”
- “I told my friend I was taking the subway to the Bronx and he asked if I was into bodybuilding.”
- “What do you call a New Yorker who only eats salads? A carrot-top!”
- “I went to a rooftop party in Manhattan and boy, was it elevated!”
- “The buildings in New York City are like old men – they’re always leaning on each other for support.”
- “Why is Manhattan the most expensive borough? It’s the home of Wall Street after all – there’s always a price to pay!”
- “Why did the New Yorker bring an umbrella to Central Park? Because he heard it could rain Benjamins.”
- “I went to see the New York Giants play and boy, were they really big.”
- “The New York City skyline is like a beautiful painting – except it also doubles as a postcard.”
- “Why did the tourist go to Soho? Because he heard it was the ‘artsy’ part of town.”
- “What kind of food do ghosts like to eat in Chinatown? Boo-dumplings!”
- “I walked by a Broadway theater and saw that Hugh Jackman was starring. I guess you could say I got a ‘jackpot’!”
- “Why was the New Yorker late for work? The subway was running on ‘New York time’ – it’s never on schedule.”
- “What do you call a New York City hot dog in disguise? A frankfurter-clad!”
Getting ‘Empire’ attitude with these recursive NY puns
- Why did the Statue of Liberty put on another coat? Because she wanted to double her New York style.
- What do you call a New York city street that’s also a dessert? Broad-pan.
- Did you hear about the cannibal who went to New York City? He had a Big Apple for dinner.
- What did the New Yorker say when he got stuck in the revolving door? Looks like I’m going around in circles.
- Why did the New York taxi driver go insane? He was driven to the breaking point.
- Did you hear about the New York graffiti artist who got arrested? He was charged with spray-paint-domonium.
- What did the buildings in New York say when they got tired? Let’s take a skyscraper.
- Why did the New York restaurant owner go out of business? He just couldn’t make ouver the competition.
- What do you call a New York street musician who only plays Beatles songs? An Abbey Roadie.
- Did you hear about the New York politician who got caught taking bribes? He was accused of being in a state of Empire-cile.
- What did the New York librarian say when she found a hidden room full of books? This is novel territory.
- Why did the New York photographer get frustrated with his camera? It always wanted to focus on f-stopped signs.
- What do you call a New Yorker who loves to wander around the city at night? A roamin’ Empire.
- Did you hear about the fire at the New York comedy club? It was a real hot spot.
- What did the New York philosopher say about the city’s noise pollution? It’s just sound and fury, signifying everything.
- Why don’t New Yorkers like to nap during the day? Because they’re afraid of getting caught afternoon-sleeping.
- Did you hear about the giant infestation of spiders in New York City? It’s a real web of sin.
- What did the New York doctor say when his patient came in with a Big Mac stuck in her throat? Looks like we have a Big Apple-based obstruction.
- Why was the New York stockbroker always so tense? Because he was always worried about his stock market crashes.
- What did the New York shoe salesman say when a customer asked for a pair of boots? Sorry, we only have Empire State footprints.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? The Big Apple – ready to deliver some hilarious knock-knock jokes about New York!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? New York. New York who? New York-a-doodle-doo, it’s time to start the day in the Big Apple!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Brooklyn. Brooklyn who? Brooklyn, lets go for a slice of pizza and a stroll in the park.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Statue of Liberty. Statue of Liberty who? Statue of Liberty’s armpit, please! It’s getting crowded for tourists over here.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Times Square. Times Square who? Times square-d of walking around in circles trying to find a bathroom.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Central Park. Central Park who? The squirrels in Central Park are nuts about you!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? The Bronx. The Bronx who? The Bronx cheers for the Yankees!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Coney Island. Coney Island who? Coney Island meet you at Nathan’s for a hot dog eating contest?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Broadway. Broadway who? Broadway for the stars, but you already shine bright!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Grand Central Station. Grand Central Station who? Grand Central Station, do you have a train of thought?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? The Empire State Building. The Empire State Building who? The Empire State Building, but I’m more like the Empire State Climbing if you know what I mean.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Brooklyn Bridge. Brooklyn Bridge who? Brooklyn Bridge the gap between us and become friends?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? 5th Avenue. 5th Avenue who? 5th Avenue got some great deals on designer clothes!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Rockefeller Center. Rockefeller Center who? Rockefeller Center-prise, I got you a souvenir from the Top of the Rock.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Little Italy. Little Italy who? Little Italy taste some of my homemade cannolis?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wall Street. Wall Street who? Wall Street you doin’? Making bank?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Broadway show. Broadway show who? Broadway show you a good time, guaranteed!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Liberty Bell. Liberty Bell who? Liberty Bell you something, the pizza here definitely beats Philly’s.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Harlem. Harlem who? Harlem shake our way through the night.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Yankee Stadium. Yankee Stadium who? Yankee Stadium at Home Plate, baby!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Santa Claus. Santa Claus who? Santa Claus-ing off to New York City, the best place to be!
New York Puns: Big Laughs in the Big Apple!
Well, folks, that wraps up our trip through the concrete jungle of puns about New York. We hope these jokes had you feeling like a true Big Apple connoisseur. But if you’re still craving some more laughs, be sure to check out our other punny posts and become the pun-mayor of your friend group. Until next time, keep laughing and spreading those punny vibes. After all, laughter is the Empire State Building of the soul.
