Get a Laugh with 180+ London Jokes & Puns: The Best of British Humour!

Welcome to the Funniest Guide to London! We’ve compiled a list of the best puns and jokes about the city, perfect for kids and adults who love a good laugh. So if you’re feeling a bit homesick or just need a clever pick-me-up, look no further. Get ready for a dose of positive humor and prepare to have a jolly good time. Ready to explore London through a humorous lens? Let’s dive in!

London on the Laughs: Our Favorite Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks

1. Why did the frog take a trip to London? Because he wanted to ribbit Big Ben!
2. What do you call a Londoner who loves to bake? A scone-isseur!
3. How does a Londoner communicate with owls? With a cockney hoot!
4. What did the American say when he saw the Tower of London? “Look, it’s the Big Ben-Big Ben!”
5. Why did the queen refuse to go to the London Eye? She didn’t want to be seen in public with such a big pupil!
6. What do you call a London-based superhero? The Tube-tor!
7. What do you call a grumpy Londoner? A sour-dough!
8. What did one telephone booth say to the other? “I’ve got you covered, mate!”
9. What did the England cricket team say when they lost in London? “Well, that was just tea-sting!”
10. How does a Londoner keep up with social media? By getting on the Tube!
11. Why did the baker move to London? Because he heard it was the bread capital of the world!
12. What do you call a polite ghost in London? A “thank-you-spook”!
13. Why did the snowman visit London? To see the Colden Gate Bridge!
14. How do you know when a horse is from London? It’s neigh-borhood is Kensington!
15. What did the fisherman say when he saw the London Bridge? “Looks like I can’t catch any fish here, it’s always crowded with tourists!”
16. Why did the chicken go to Buckingham Palace? To change the cluck-tail of the guard!
17. What did the detective say when he solved the London fog mystery? “The game is afoot!”
18. How do you make a Londoner mad? Give them a cup of tea with no biscuit.
19. What do you call a Londoner’s favorite type of music? The Underground Sound.
20. Why did the unicorn go to London? He heard it was a magical place!

Tickle Your Funny Bone with these London-Themed One-Liner Jokes!

1. Why was the Londoner always broke? Because they had to pay for the ‘Tube’ rides!
2. I knew it was going to be a bad day when I saw Big Ben wearing a watch.
3. I tried to make a reservation at the library, but they were fully booked.
4. What do you call a crab that sings? A ‘Westminster’!
5. How do you catch a squirrel in London? Climb up a tree and act like a nut.
6. I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those parts of the city.
7. I asked a Londoner what their favorite type of music was. They said ‘UK-garage’.
8. You know what they say, when in London, do as the Romans did…wait, wrong city.
9. Why do Londoners always carry umbrellas? Because they hate the reign.
10. What do you call a Londoner who hates tea? A rebelina-tea!
11. I tried to come up with a pun about the London Eye but it just wasn’t looking good.
12. I asked a Londoner if they could recommend a good restaurant. They said ‘Sure, the one with the worst reviews on Yelp is always empty!’
13. I accidentally walked into a pub and asked for a barbell thinking it meant a drink. The bartender handed me a dumbbell.
14. Why did the street performer in London only have one shoe? He was trying to earn a living by performing ‘sole-ly’ on the street.
15. I walked into a pub and asked for a Corona. The bartender said “you mean a ‘Tamesis’?”
16. What do you call being in a bad mood on public transportation? The ‘underground’ railroad.
17. Did you hear about the Londoner who kept getting lost in the city? They were always ‘Boulevardering’ around.
18. I asked a Londoner how they managed to avoid getting lost in the city. They said they had an ‘A to Z’ sense of direction.
19. Why don’t they have fireworks on the 4th of July in London? Because they already have fireworks every night at the pub.
20. Did you know that Londoners have their own version of ‘The Bachelorette’ called ‘The Bloke-lorette’?

Quirky QnA Jokes & Puns about London: Brimming with British humor!

1. You get bonus points for writing responses 🙂
2. Q: What is London’s favorite type of shoe? A: The loafer, of course!
3. Q: Why did Big Ben get into a fight with the Tower of London? A: He was clocked in the head with a sword!
4. Q: How do you know if someone is from East London? A: They’ll tell you as soon as you meet them.
5. Q: Why do Londoners always use the underground? A: Because they can’t go over it or around it.
6. Q: What did the London bridge say to the Thames River? A: Are you going to pay my toll?
7. Q: What did Queen Elizabeth say when she saw the expensive rent in London? A: I can’t palace that!
8. Q: What’s the best way to stay warm in London? A: Stand in a Westminster Abbey hole.
9. Q: How does a Londoner dry their clothes? A: With a Buckingham Palace fan.
10. Q: Why is it always cold and rainy in London? A: Because the sun never rises over there.
11. Q: What’s the worst part about living in London? A: Coming to terms with the fact that your tea will never be as good as the Queen’s.
12. Q: What’s Big Ben’s favorite dessert? A: Bangers and mash-takes!
13. Q: How do you get a Londoner’s attention? A: Just say “tea time” and watch them come running.
14. Q: Why did the chicken cross the road in London? A: To get to the other Thame-side!
15. Q: What’s a bee’s favorite landmark in London? A: The Buzz-ing ham Palace!
16. Q: How do English sheep say hello? A: With a “baa-ng” and a hug.
17. Q: What is the secret to making money in London? A: Play the Monopoly game with real pounds.
18. Q: What’s the best way to get around in London? A: Use a double-decker bus, it’s always on the upper-class level.
19. Q: What did the London tourist say when they saw the Queen? A: She looks royally awesome!
20. Q: What’s a Londoner’s favorite sport? A: Underground-tennis, of course!
21. Q: How does London fix a cracked teapot? A: With Kintsugi, the Japanese art of repairing pottery with gold, because tea is their golden treasure!

Tickle Your Funny Bone with Dad Jokes about London Bridges

1. Why was the London clock feeling tired? Because it’s hands were always on the Big Ben-d.
2. Did you hear about the London thief who stole a calendar? He got 12 months.
3. I tried to make a joke about the London Eye, but it never landed.
4. Did you know the Queen of England likes to go on springtime strolls in London? She loves to see all the lovely Buckingham Flora.
5. How does a Londoner order their tea? Fill it up to the Tower of London.
6. Why did the Londoner refuse to swim in the Thames? Because he was afraid of catching a Big Ben.
7. What do you call a pub in London that specializes in sushi? A soy-cial club.
8. I asked a Londoner for directions, but I couldn’t understand him. He was speaking in Cockney Codes.
9. What do you call a dog from London? A Barkshire Terrier.
10. Why do Londoners make terrible golfers? Because they keep hitting the greens.
11. Did you know that London was founded by a group of cows? That’s why the city is always Mooo-ving.
12. What’s a pirate’s favorite London landmark? The Arr-matey Gallery.
13. Why did the Londoner go to jail? For a parking Clarencident.
14. What’s the best way to travel around London? By double-decker Segway.
15. Why did the Londoner visit the psychiatrist? He was suffering from Trafalgar Madness.
16. How do Londoners stay warm during the winter months? They sit in their Parl-auvries.
17. What did the Londoner say when he stubbed his toe on a brick? “Stone-bridge it, that hurt!”
18. Where do Londoners buy their bread? At a Baker Street store.
19. Why did the Londoner refuse to buy a new car? Because he didn’t want to pay the Congestion Chard.
20. What’s a Londoner’s favorite type of music? Big Beno music.

Laugh your Way Around London: Puns & Jokes for Kids!

1. Write a quick introductory paragraph explaining what the list is about. Introducing our collection of ‘London’ puns and jokes for kids – a hilarious list filled with clever wordplay and silly scenarios that are sure to make you laugh out loud! From the iconic red telephone booths to Buckingham Palace, these puns and jokes will have you seeing the city in a whole new (and funny) light. So get your giggles ready and let’s dive into this list of 20 funny and hilarious ‘London’ puns and jokes for kids!

London Laughs: Hilarious Quotes About the UK’s Quirky Capital City

1. “I love London. Where else can you buy an umbrella and sunglasses on the same street?”
2. “Who needs Buckingham Palace when you’ve got Big Ben? It’s way cooler to know exactly what time it is than to live in a castle.”
3. “They say Londoners are cold and distant, but I’ve never felt closer to a stranger than on a packed tube during rush hour.”
4. “I asked a Londoner for directions and ended up getting a guided tour of the entire city. Thanks, friendly stranger!”
5. “If you want to experience true British weather, just spend a day in London. You’ll get sun, rain, wind, and maybe even snow all in one go.”
6. “There’s nothing quite like the feeling of being lost in London. It’s a magical place where getting lost is half the fun.”
7. “London is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get, but it’s always delicious.”
8. “I could spend all day wandering around London, but my feet always disagree with my adventurous spirit.”
9. “Everyone says London is expensive, but have you seen how much it costs to buy a drink at a rooftop bar in New York?”
10. “Wimbledon may be the oldest tennis tournament in the world, but trying to get tickets feels like a new sport altogether.”
11. “London has its fair share of ghosts and haunted stories, but have you tried navigating the Victoria line during rush hour?”
12. “There are two types of people in this city: those who know the difference between Waterloo and Westminster stations and those who are just guessing.”
13. “I’ve never seen so many people run for a train as I have in London. You’d think they were giving away free tea and scones.”
14. “Londoners love to complain about the weather, but let’s be real, we all secretly love the excuse to wear a raincoat and wellies.”
15. “I thought I was good at queuing until I visited London. Now I know I’m just an amateur in the art of waiting.”
16. “I’m convinced that the London Eye was built solely for tourists, but you bet I’ll still go up there every time someone visits.”
17. “London may have fancy restaurants and celebrity chefs, but nothing beats a good old-fashioned fish and chips from a street vendor.”
18. “There’s no place like London during Christmas. The lights, the markets, the cheesy music – it’s all so wonderfully tacky.”
19. “I never truly appreciate how beautiful this city is until I see it from the top of a double-decker bus.”
20. “There are two things you can always count on in London: rain and a queue. But hey, at least we’re not boring.”

London: Where even Big Ben has a sense of humor – Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about London

1. “You can take the Londoner out of the city, but you can’t take the tube out of the Londoner.”
2. “A Londoner’s navigation skills are directly proportional to the amount of caffeine in their system.”
3. “In London, even the pigeons walk with a sense of purpose.”
4. “A true Londoner knows the quickest shortcut to any destination is through a pub.”
5. “You haven’t truly experienced London until you’ve been stuck on the Piccadilly line during rush hour.”
6. “There are two seasons in London: umbrella season and complaining about the weather season.”
7. “The only thing more expensive than a flat in London is a round of drinks at a trendy bar.”
8. “They say money can’t buy happiness, but have you ever seen someone frown in a London black cab?”
9. “A Londoner’s idea of a scenic view is a glimpse of Big Ben between skyscrapers.”
10. “London is the city that never sleeps, mostly because the night buses don’t run on time.”
11. “You know you’re in London when you can simultaneously hear three different languages on the Tube.”
12. “The key to surviving in London is mastering the skill of politely ignoring everyone around you.”
13. “In London, the only way to guarantee sunshine is to plan an outdoor event and bring an umbrella.”
14. “You can always tell a real Londoner by their ability to navigate the maze that is Oxford Circus station.”
15. “Londoners believe in the power of a good cup of tea to solve any problem.”
16. “There’s no such thing as a quick trip to the grocery store in London – you always end up on a journey.”
17. “When in doubt, just follow the flow of tourists to the nearest attraction.”
18. “The truest form of loyalty in London is sticking with your Oyster card through endless fare increases.”
19. “There’s a reason ‘mind the gap’ is on repeat in every London Underground station.”
20. “In London, being fashionably late means arriving early enough to snag a prime spot at the pub.”

Putting the ‘Brit’ in British Humor: London’s Best Double Entendres and Puns

1. “I had to take the Tube to get to the Underground comedy club.”
2. “I got lost in Soho and ended up in a Soho jazz band.”
3. “I walked by Buckingham Palace and saw the Queen’s Guard playing a game of Queen’s Gambit.”
4. “I visited Big Ben and realized it was just a big clock and not a giant man named Ben.”
5. “I went to see a play at Shakespeare’s Globe and found out they actually serve globe-shaped pies.”
6. “I went to see the changing of the guard and ended up with a new accountant.”
7. “I tried to eat fish and chips while walking across the London Bridge, but ended up with soggy chips.”
8. “I walked through Hyde Park and saw a hyde parka sale.”
9. “I went to see the London Eye and realized it wasn’t an eye at all, but a giant ferris wheel.”
10. “I visited Oxford Street and was disappointed to find that it wasn’t actually made of oxford cloth.”
11. “I found a great pub in Camden Town, but it was actually named after the owner’s dog, Camden.”
12. “I went to see the Tower of London and was surprised to find it wasn’t a tower filled with lions.”
13. “I walked down Savile Row and was shocked to find out it wasn’t a row of salami shops.”
14. “I thought I saw the Prime Minister strolling through Parliament Square, but it was just a guy dressed up as Harry Potter.”
15. “I tried to get a haircut in Mayfair and ended up with a Mayfair martini instead.”
16. “I visited Trafalgar Square and found out it wasn’t named after a Pokemon, but after Lord Nelson’s victory at the Battle of Trafalgar.”
17. “I went to see the National Gallery and was thrilled that they had paintings of actual galleries.”
18. “I thought I heard a cockney accent in Notting Hill, but it was just an Australian tourist trying to fit in.”
19. “I visited Westminster Abbey and was surprised to learn it wasn’t an abbey for monks, but a church for royalty.”
20. “I went to see a show at the West End and found out it wasn’t the end of the world, but actually the center of London’s theater district.”

London Bridge is falling down, but these recursive puns will never let you down- on London!

1. Why did the coffee-loving tourist visit London? To get a latte out of the city!
2. How did the British chef get to work? By using the Westminster Grater!
3. What did the bell say when it went to explore the city? I’m Big, Ben I’m not staying out late!
4. What did the detective say when he arrived in London? Looks like I’ve got a Thames on my hands!
5. Why does the Big Ben tower have so many visitors? Because it’s always-touring!
6. How did Sherlock Holmes get around the city? By using a cab-straw!
7. What did the British man say when he got lost in London? I’m feeling a bit Thames and confused!
8. Why was the London Eye afraid of heights? Because it was afraid of being the center of attention!
9. What did the bus say to the other bus in London? I’m just double decker’n these streets!
10. Why did the Brit fall in love with their city? Because it was love-at-first-blight!
11. How did the DJ navigate London’s nightlife? By using his soundOWLS!
12. Why did the royal family move to a smaller palace? Because they needed more toys-in-ham to play with!
13. What did the Londoners say when they saw a double-decker bus full of tourists? That’s just a sight-seeing-eye bus!
14. Why was the London cab driver always stressed out? Because he had to keep up with the Westminster traffic!
15. What did the tea say when it arrived at Buckingham Palace? I’m here for the tea party, mate!
16. Why did the London rain feel so welcomed in the city? Because it was always-made-mist!
17. What did the visiting American say when they saw a bridge full of people? That’s a packed-ingham palace!
18. Why did the clock repairman get lost in London? Because the streets were like one big washer-hour circle!
19. What did the British rapper say when they released a new album? My mixTOWER is finally out, mate!
20. Why was the Big Ben tower considered the healthiest monument in London? Because it always-took its daily TowerBreath!

Knock, knock. Who’s there? London’s funniest knock-knock jokes!

1. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Abbey. Abbey who? Abbey-tually, I’m just here for the royal wedding!
2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Parliament. Parliament who? Parliament-y in the streets, but a party in the House of Commons!
3. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Big Ben. Big Ben who? Big Ben waiting for the Queen to make me bong again!
4. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Buckingham. Buckingham who? Buckingham Palace is where the Queen puts her feet up after a long day of ruling.
5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Tube. Tube who? Tube-se always press the wrong button and end up on the wrong station!
6. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Fish and chips. Fish and chips who? Fish and chips in London are always best served with a side of mushy peas!
7. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Red phone box. Red phone box who? Red phone box-ted at the London Eye!
8. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Pearly kings and queens. Pearly kings and queens who? Pearly kings and queens-tly dressed for a night out in London!
9. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Theatre. Theatre who? Theatre in London is always a West End showstopper!
10. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Corgi. Corgi who? Corgi-ously waiting for the Queen to give me a belly rub!
11. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Black cab. Black cab who? Black cabs are the ultimate London chariots!
12. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Olympic. Olympic who? Olympic games in London are always a gold medal-worthy experience!
13. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Pub crawl. Pub crawl who? Pub crawl through London is the best way to see the city’s sights… and pubs!
14. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Beefeater. Beefeater who? Beefeater fen-ding off the tourists at the Tower of London!
15. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Double-decker. Double-decker who? Double-decker bus rides in London are double the fun!
16. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Changing of the guard. Changing of the guard who? Changing of the guard-tastic daily at Buckingham Palace.
17. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Harry. Harry who? Harry up and take me to Platform 9 3/4 at King’s Cross station!
18. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Harrods. Harrods who? Harrods-ly enough, I can’t afford anything in this store!
19. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Thames. Thames who? Thames-ster of a river, but still an iconic part of London!
20. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Paddington. Paddington who? Paddington Bear says “please keep your arms and legs inside the carriage at all times” on the London Underground!

Ending on a Punny Note: London Edition

And with that, my dear pun-lovers, we have reached the end of our journey through the punny streets of London. I hope these 180+ gems have brought a smile to your face and perhaps even a snicker or two. But if you’re still craving more puns and jokes, fear not! Be sure to check out our other related posts and have a jolly good time. Cheers, and may the force be with pun!

Ahmad Raza

I’m Ahmad Raza, the pun-derful maestro behind PunnyPeak.com! As the chief architect of hilarity, I’m on a mission to spread joy, one pun at a time. Crafting jokes that tickle your funny bone is my forte, and PunnyPeak.com is the whimsical wonderland where laughter reigns supreme. Get ready for a rib-tickling adventure as we explore the crevices of humor – PunnyPeak style! Find My Best Puns.

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