Got a beard? Then prepare to laugh your whiskers off with this list of the best beard jokes and puns about facial hair. Whether you’re rocking a luscious lumberjack look or just starting to sprout some scruff, these clever puns and hilarious jokes are sure to bring some positive humor into your day. Perfect for kids and adults alike, get ready to add some beard-tastic emojis to your repertoire with this funny collection of jokes. So without further ado, let’s dive into the hairy world of beard humor!” 🧔🏻💭😂 #BeardJokes #PunsAboutBeard
Beard-ing Laughs: Our Top Beard Puns & Jokes
- I mustache you a question, but I’ll shave it for later.
- Beard they say, is thicker than water.
- Don’t be so stubble-minded.
- I beardly knew that would work.
- What did the bearded man say when he won the lottery? “Shave no beard, no fear!”
- When it comes to beards, I’m just a whisker away from perfection.
- What did one bearded man say to the other? “We’re a cut above the rest.”
- I’m not saying I have beard envy, but my facial hair is getting pretty jealous.
- What did the bearded sailor bring back from his travels? A souvenir from each port, of course!
- My beard may be bushy, but at least it’s not baaa-d.
- I’m not shaving today, because a beard in the hand is worth two in the tub.
- Why did the beard cross the road? To get to the barbershop on the other side.
- My beard is my crowning glory – or should I say, my face’s mane attraction?
- I’m not aging, I’m just growing a vintage beard.
- What did the bearded fisherman say when he caught a big fish? “That’s a reel beauty!”
- A beard is like a fence for your face – it keeps unwanted visitors out.
- Why did the bearded man refuse to donate his beard to charity? He was too attached to it.
- A beard is the perfect accessory for every occasion – just ask Santa Claus.
- The bearded man had a hairy situation, but he managed to comb through it.
- My beard may be rugged, but at least it’s not a smooth operator.
Unbearded and Unbeatable: Funny Beard One-Liner Jokes
- I grew a beard because I was tired of being mistaken for a 12-year-old. Now I just get mistaken for Santa.
- My beard grows so fast, it’s like trying to mow a lawn with a weed whacker.
- I asked my barber to make my beard look like James Harden’s. She gave me a unibrow instead.
- My girlfriend says my beard tickles her when we kiss. I told her it’s just my way of saying “I mustache you a question.”
- My wife told me to shave my beard because it was scratchy. Now she complains that I look like a naked mole rat.
- Why did the bearded man go on a diet? Because he wanted to shed some whiskers!
- A guy with a perfectly trimmed beard is like a superhero who can control hair growth.
- I asked my dad why he has such a bushy beard. He said it runs in the family – they were all born with “beard genes.
- I used to think beards were cool until I saw a guy drinking beer and his mustache was soaked in it. Gross.
- They say a man’s beard is the reflection of his personality. In my case, it’s more like a shrubbery.
- The only thing better than a man with a beard is a famous celebrity with a beard. #beardgoals
- You know what they say, clean-shaven men don’t know what they’re missing.
- I tried to grow a beard, but then I realized my body hair doesn’t connect so it just looked like random patches of grass on my face.
- Why did the bearded man put his razor away? Because he wanted to keep some stubble for later.
- My beard is like my social life, it grows in all different directions and requires constant maintenance.
- I asked my beard if it was jealous of my hair. It said no because it’s closer to my mouth.
- I accidentally used my husband’s beard oil as cooking oil. The chicken dinner was extra moisturized.
- I joined a beard-growing competition and I’m currently in the lead. Unfortunately, it’s a competition amongst unicorns.
- They say a beard makes a man more attractive, but in my case, it just covers up my double chin.
Beard-ly Believable: QnA Jokes & Puns Galore!
- Q: Why did the bearded man go to the barber? A: He wanted a clean-shaven disguise.
- Q: Why did the clean-shaven man get a fake beard? A: He wanted to beardominate the competition.
- Q: How does a bearded man eat his soup? A: With a fork, because he’s not bearding around.
- Q: Why did the barista refuse to serve the bearded man a coffee? A: She said he was a bit too foamy for her tastes.
- Q: What do you call a group of bearded soldiers? A: The Whisker Warriors.
- Q: How many bearded men does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None, they prefer to bask in their natural glow.
- Q: Why did the bearded man refuse to join a choir? A: He didn’t want to get stuck singing baritone.
- Q: What do you call a bearded detective? A: A facial profiler.
- Q: Why did the bearded man always bring a pack of gum to business meetings? A: He liked to keep things minty fresh.
- Q: What’s a bearded person’s favorite juice? A: Whisker melon.
- Q: How can you tell if a bearded man is a software developer? A: He always has code on his chin.
- Q: Why was the bearded man kicked out of the gym? A: He refused to shave his gains.
- Q: How do bearded men clean their dishes? A: They use their mutton chops as scrubbers.
- Q: What did the bearded man say when he saw a swarm of bees? A: “Honey, I’ve found my people.
- Q: Why did the bearded man refuse to ride a motorcycle? A: He didn’t want a helmet messing up his perfect beard.
- Q: How do you make a bearded man cry? A: Show him a razor and tell him it’s time for a trim.
- Q: Why did the bearded man refuse to join the circus? A: He didn’t want to be upstaged by the bearded lady.
- Q: What’s a bearded pirate’s favorite accessory? A: A goatee patch.
- Q: What’s a bearded man’s favorite flavor of ice cream? A: Split ends.
- Q: How can you tell if a bearded man is lying? A: His beard will start growing longer with each fib.
Tickle Your Funny Bone: Dad Jokes about Beards
- Why did the barber keep hitting himself on the head? He couldn’t stop shaving his beard!
- Why did the bearded dragon buy a toupee? He wanted to impress his lizard lady-friend.
- How does the man in the moon keep his beard looking so nice? He uses lunar-tic products!
- I tried to grow a beard, but it just wasn’t working out. I guess I’m not cut out for it.
- Why did the leprechaun have a long beard? He wanted to be a wise old gnome.
- I accidentally got hair gel in my beard and now it’s stuck in knot-se-trouble.
- I saw a man with a mustache and beard and asked him if he had any mustache wax. He said he couldn’t because he was on a beard-th.
- Why couldn’t the man with the mustache find his razor? It was hidden under his beard.
- How do you know it’s time to shave your beard? When your pet bird starts nesting in it.
- Why did the bearded man go to the doctor? He was feeling un-beard-able.
- What do you call a bearded turkey? A gob-stubble!
- My wife told me to shave my beard if I wanted to kiss her again. I’ll really miss you, beard.
- What do you call a bearded snake? A his-stash!
- Why did the bearded man invest in a boat? He wanted to be a captain with a flawless beard-er.
- Why did the barber win the race? He was always ahead-beard!
- Why did the lumberjack shave his beard? He wanted a change of whisk-er-nery.
- Why couldn’t the deadbeat dad grow a beard? He always skipped-facial-ly.
- What’s a pirate’s favorite beard style? A sea-captain’s stubble.
- Why did the barber retire? He couldn’t keep up with the ever-changing beard trends.
Beard-ly There: Funny Quotes about Facial Hair
- A beard is like a built-in food catcher for lazy snackers.
- “Who needs a mask when you have a glorious beard to protect you from the elements?”
- “Real men grow beards – the rest are just pretending.”
- Beards are the ultimate disguise for bad hair days.
- I don’t always have a beard, but when I do, I feel like a wise mountain man.
- A man without a beard is like a pizza without cheese – something is seriously missing.
- “Beards are nature’s way of giving us a second face.”
- Beard game on point – it’s like having a pet on your face, but cooler.
- “I don’t trust men without beards – there’s no telling what they could be hiding.”
- “When in doubt, grow a beard – it solves a multitude of problems.”
- Beard maintenance: oil it, comb it, love it – just don’t call it ‘grooming.
- Beards make great pillows – who needs a teddy bear when you have facial hair?
- “I may not have a six-pack, but my beard is definitely in shape.”
- “Beards: making necks look less naked since ancient times.”
- “A beard is like a blank canvas – you never know what masterpiece it will become.”
- “Beard envy: the struggle is real.”
- “Beards: because nothing says ‘I’m rugged and manly’ like a face full of hair.”
- “If at first your beard is patchy, try, try again – eventually it will grow on you.”
- “People say I have resting b*tch face, but really, it’s just my beard resting.”
- “Beard goals: Have a facial hair game strong enough to make lumberjacks jealous.”
Beard-ly Words of Wisdom: Funny Proverbs & Sayings
- “A beard a day keeps the razor away.”
- “A man without a beard is like a sword without a sheath.”
- “Behind every great beard is a great mess of crumbs.”
- “A beard is the ultimate disguise for double chin.”
- “A beard is like a pet, it requires constant grooming and love.”
- “A man’s beard is his silent way of saying ‘I’m not 12 anymore’.”
- “A clean-shaven man is just a baby-faced imposter.”
- “The longer the beard, the wiser the man. Or so he likes to think.”
- A beard is like a forest, the deeper you go, the more secrets you’ll find.
- “A beard can make any man look rugged and mysterious, even if he’s a total dork.”
- “A long beard may be a sign of wisdom, but it’s also a prime target for food stains.”
- A beard is like a blanket for your face.
- “Growing a beard is like getting a free membership to the ‘I don’t give a damn’ club.”
- “A well-groomed beard is the ultimate man-cessory.”
- “A beard is like a built-in filter for all the words you shouldn’t say out loud.”
- A beard may not solve all your problems, but it sure looks damn good trying.
- A beard is like a personal heater, perfect for those cold winter months.
- A man with a beard is like a lion with his mane, ready to conquer the world.
- “A beard is like a canvas, where a man can express his creativity and style.”
- “The only thing better than a man with a beard, is a man with a great sense of humor hidden beneath it.”
Beard” Double Entendres Puns: Mane-ly for the Witty and Hairy
- “I’ve been growing out my beard, but I’m still waiting for it to hit puberty.”
- “I may not have a six-pack, but my beard has a 12-pack.”
- “I don’t always have a beard, but when I do, I’m usually mistaken for a lumberjack.”
- “My beard game is strong, but my neck game is weak.”
- “I have a beard because it’s like a fuzzy hug for my face.”
- Beard maintenance is like gardening, except the plants are on your face and you can’t water them.
- If someone tells you that having a beard makes you manly, just remind them that even a goat has a beard.
- “I don’t always shave, but when I do, it’s usually just one side of my face.”
- “Having a beard is like having a pet, except it’s attached to your face and needs constant grooming.”
- “My beard is like my superhero disguise. Except everyone still knows it’s me.”
- “People say a beard adds wisdom to your face. I’m just hoping it adds some to my brain.
- “I used to think beards were just for hipsters, but then I grew one and now I can’t imagine life without it.”
- “My girlfriend says she loves my beard, but I suspect she just likes playing with it when we’re bored.”
- “When someone asks me how long I plan on keeping my beard, I usually respond with ‘until it reaches my toes’.”
- “A beard is like a natural filter for food. It catches all the crumbs so you can eat them later.”
- “I may not be able to grow a full beard, but I make up for it in mustache wax.”
- “My beard may be scruffy and unkempt, but that just means it has character.”
- “A wise man once said, ‘A beard is to a man what a bra is to a woman.’ I’m still trying to figure out what he meant.”
- Beards are like art. Some people appreciate them, others just don’t get it.”
- “I was going to shave my beard, but then I realized that my chin looks like a naked mole rat without it.”
Beard-ly There: Recursive Puns About Facial Hair
- Why did the bearded man go to the barber? Because he needed a little more chin-terest.
- I decided to grow a beard, but it only ended up being a fuzzy situation.
- My bearded friend told me he was going to shave, but I told him to just be more productive and re-growth his beard.
- Did you hear about the bearded man who got lost in the woods? He had a pretty hairy situation.
- My barber always insists on using a special shampoo for my beard, but I think he’s just trying to lather me up.
- I tried to join a beard-growing competition, but I got disqualified because they accused me of cheating with a little stubble re-growth.
- Why did the bearded man visit the library? To check out some beard literature.
- I always knew my facial hair was trendy, but now it’s just becoming too much to handle, I’m getting a little over-beard-ed.
- Why couldn’t the bearded man join the choir? Because his beard-al cords were constantly getting tangled.
- My bearded friend claims that his facial hair has a mind of its own, but I think he’s just growing too attached to it.
- How does a bearded man eat his sandwich? With a beard appetite!
- My friend asked me for some advice on how to grow a beard, but I told him he was just grasping at straws.
- When the barber asked if I wanted a trim or a full beard makeover, I told him to just go with the beard-on package.
- Why did the bearded man decide to become a vegetarian? Because he didn’t want to shave any more vegetables.
- My girlfriend keeps saying she wants me to shave my beard, but I think she’s just not a big fan of beard-der to change.
- Did you hear about the bearded man who started a band? They became pretty successful, but they ended up breaking up because of too much facial hair-mony.
- My bearded friend always gets mistaken for a famous lumberjack, but I think he’s just barking up the wrong beard.
- Why did the bearded man decide to become a firefighter? He wanted to put out some of that fire-y facial hair.
- I was going to sponsor my friend for “No-Shave November,” but then I realized he was already participating in “No-Shave Ever.
Closing the ‘trim’endous chapter on beard puns!
So there you have it folks, 135+ beard jokes and puns to make your beard-tiful day a little bit funnier! 🧔🏻💭 But don’t shave this post just yet, make sure to check out our other pun-tastic and joke-errific posts for more laughs. And remember, a good beard is like a good joke, it grows on you. 😂 Now go forth and spread some beard-iful humor! 💈#BeardGoals #PunsForDays