Welcome to our list of the best Amsterdam jokes, puns, and humor! Whether you’re a kid or just a kid at heart, we’ve compiled a clever and positive collection of jokes to make you laugh out loud about this beautiful city. So sit back, relax, and get ready to add some Amsterdam flavor to your day with our hilarious list. After all, laughter is the best medicine, and what’s funnier than puns about a city full of canals and bikes? So without further ado, let’s dive into our top picks for Amsterdam jokes!
Amster-famously Funny: Our Top Amsterdam Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks!
- What do you call a supermodel from Amsterdam? A Dutchess of the catwalk.
- Why did the tourist return the souvenir clogs from Amsterdam? They just didn’t wooden it anymore.
- How do you make an Amsterdammer laugh? Just give them a Dutch tickle.
- How does a Dutch farmer make money? By selling his tulips for a tulip fee.
- Why was the Dutchman kicked out of the windmill? He was causing too much Dutch disturbance.
- What did the tourists say after their canal boat tour in Amsterdam? “That was quite an ex-canal-lent experience.”
- Why did the cheese maker go to Amsterdam? To get some inspiration for his next gouda cheese.
- What did the Dutch cyclist say to the car driver who almost hit him? “I have the right of bi-cyclenal here!”
- How does a Dutch person greet their friends in the morning? With a friendly “gouda morning!”
- What does a stoner in Amsterdam order at a coffee shop? A tall latte and a side of space cake.
- Why did the Netherlanders go to Hollywood? To make a Dutch-up version of their favorite movies.
- What did the eco-conscious Dutch person say before taking a sip of coffee? “I’ll only drink a latte if it’s locally-roasted and sustaina-bile.”
- What do you call a Dutchman who’s always late? An Amster-damper on everyone’s plans.
- How do you say “sorry” in Dutch? “I’m ter-riem-ly sorry!”
- What’s the best way to get around in Amsterdam? Riding a bi-cycle, of course.
- Why was the Dutch chef fired from his job? He couldn’t stop adding extra d-utch butter to all his dishes.
- What do you call a Dutch ghost? A spook-in-dam.
- How do you spot a Dutchman at a party? Just look for the tulip in their lapel.
- What do you call a Dutch person who’s always worried about money? A penny-pincher-in-dam.
- How do you win an argument with a Dutch person? Just give them some wooden shoes to walk away in.
Laugh Your Way Through the Canals with Funny Amsterdam One-Liners
- Did you hear about the Dutch clown who went to Amsterdam? He had a lot of tulips tricks up his sleeve.
- Amsterdam is famous for its canals, but I prefer the ones with soda in them.
- I accidentally booked a ticket to Amsterdam, NY instead of the city in the Netherlands. Turns out, it’s not as fun.
- I’m not saying Amsterdam is a wild city, but even the windmills are spinning out of control.
- I tried to take a picture of the beautiful Amsterdam skyline, but I couldn’t Dutch it.
- If you want to fit in with the locals in Amsterdam, just walk around with a cheese wheel and a joint.
- Amsterdam is the only place where you can go on a “coffee break” and end up in a cannabis shop.
- I wanted to try some Dutch cuisine in Amsterdam, but all I could find was pan-cakes.
- The Dutch are very environmentally conscious, especially in Amsterdam where they always recycle their bikes.
- My Amsterdam tour guide said we were going to visit the Red Light District, but I’m pretty sure we just ended up at a stoplight.
- I asked my friend if he wanted to go to Amsterdam with me, and he replied “I don’t think I can ‘dutch’ it”.
- The Dutch are known for their love of biking, but in Amsterdam, it’s more like biking on a rollercoaster.
- The best way to navigate through Amsterdam is via canal boat. Just be careful not to fall in while scrolling through Instagram.
- I decided to take a trip to Amsterdam, but my suitcase got lost in a sea of bicycles at the airport.
- I tried to speak Dutch to impress the locals in Amsterdam, but they just laughed and spoke English back to me.
- Don’t be fooled by the name, Amsterdam is more than just a city full of dams.
- Amsterdam is a city where you can have your cheese and smoke it too.
- I heard there’s a new trend in Amsterdam where people are wearing clogs as a fashion statement. Talk about Dutch fashion.
- I went to Amsterdam and only left with one souvenir – a massive craving for stroopwafels.
- They say the best way to explore Amsterdam is by walking, but I prefer hopping on the back of a tandem bike with a stranger.
Funny Facts & Hilarious Humor: QnA Jokes & Puns about Amsterdam!
- Q: Why do they call Amsterdam the “Venice of the North”? A: Because the tourists come there to get stoned on their canals.
- Q: What do you call a Dutch person who can’t afford a boat? A: Amsterdamster.
- Q: Why was the Dutchman kicked out of Amsterdam? A: He was caught smoking weed in the tulip fields.
- Q: What’s the best way to get around Amsterdam? A: On a bicycle… or a high horse.
- Q: What do you call a Dutchman who loves to party? A: An Amsterdam-dam-dam-damster.
- Q: What did the stoned tourist say after visiting the Anne Frank House? A: “That was one high hiding spot.”
- Q: Why do the Dutch love to bike everywhere? A: Because they don’t have to worry about DUIs… just DUTCHs (Driving Under the Cannabis High).
- Q: What’s the favorite drink in Amsterdam? A: A joint… I mean, a gin and tonic.
- Q: What do you call a Dutch bus driver? A: An Amsterdamtramster.
- Q: Why do the Dutch always have a backup plan? A: In case their weed gets wet, they can always smoke their wooden shoes.
- Q: What’s the best souvenir to bring back from Amsterdam? A: A keychain… and some edibles.
- Q: How many tourists does it take to screw in a light bulb in Amsterdam? A: None, they’re too busy getting lit in the coffee shops.
- Q: What’s a stoner’s favorite tourist attraction in Amsterdam? A: The Van High Museum.
- Q: What do you call a Dutch tulip farmer? A: An Amsterdamster-tator.
- Q: What do you call a person who can’t stop making puns about Amsterdam? A: An Amster-damned dork.
- Q: What did the Dutchman say when he saw his first tulip in Amsterdam? A: “I’m tripping… on the sight.”
- Q: Why do the Dutch always seem so chill? A: Because they have the greenest grass.
- Q: What do you call a stoner who works at the Heineken factory in Amsterdam? A: An Amsterdam-beer-ster.
- Q: What’s the Dutch term for “I’m too high for this”? A: “Je bent te hoog voor dit.”
- Q: How do the Dutch stay so fit? A: Biking, walking, and chasing after the munchies.
Taking Dad Humor to New ‘Highs’ with Amsterdam-Inspired Jokes
- Why did the tourist get lost in Amsterdam? Because he couldn’t find his dutCH way!
- What did the canal say to the tourist in Amsterdam? Come and take a ride with me!
- Did you hear about the coffee shop in Amsterdam that got robbed? The thieves stole all the java beans!
- How do you know when a Dutch bike is tired? It’ll stop bicycle-ing!
- What do you call a hipster in Amsterdam? A bike-riding, avocado-eating, mustache-waxing Dutch!
- How do you make a Dutchman happy? Give him some tulips and a joint!
- Did you hear about the Dutch DJ who got lost on his way to a gig? He just couldn’t find the beat!
- What do you call it when it’s raining in Amsterdam? Dam wet!
- What’s the only thing that can beat a Dutchman at football? Windmills!
- How do you spot a true Amsterdammer? They always have a bike and a joint on hand!
- Why did the Dutch chicken cross the road? To get to the coffeeshop on the other side!
- What’s a Dutchman’s favorite type of cookie? A stroopwaffle, of course!
- How did the Dutch sailor die? He took a wrong turn and ended up in the Red Light District.
- What do you call a Dutchman who can’t handle his weed? A high-hollander!
- Did you hear about the Dutchman who invented the windmill-powered yacht? He was ahead of his time!
- How many Dutchmen does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they just use windmills for electricity!
- Why do Dutch people love bikes so much? Because they’re always stoned and need an easy way to get around!
- How do you know when you’ve had too much Dutch cheese? When you start getting the cheesiest dad jokes!
- What do you call an Amster-damned mishap? A city-accident!
- Why did the Dutch kid refuse to go to Amsterdam for vacation? Because he was afraid he’d get windmill sickness!
Get Ready to Giggle in the Land of ‘Amsterfun’ with These Punny Jokes for Kids!
- Why did the bicycle refuse to ride in Amsterdam? Because it was tired!
- What do you call a potato that goes on a trip to Amsterdam? A Dutch spud!
- Why did the Dutch farmer go to Amsterdam? To get his wooden shoes repaired!
- What did the Amsterdam police say when they caught a thief? “Stop, hammertime!”
- How does a farmer get hired at a Dutch windmill? He must have a lot of experience in dealing with wind!
- What do you call a boomerang that never comes back? A stolen Dutch bike!
- Why did the marshmallow go to Amsterdam? It wanted to visit the famous Dam Square!
- What do you call a Dutchman who loves to dance? A wooden shoe shuffler!
- Why did the chef go to Amsterdam? To add some extra Dutch crunch to his fries!
- How do Dutch cows give directions? They use their hay-maps!
- What do you call a Dutchman with a sense of humor? A funny hollander!
- Why is it hard to find a parking spot in Amsterdam? Because there are too many bikes in the way!
- What do you get when you cross a Dutch native with a superhero? A flying Dutch-man!
- What do you call an Amsterdam canal filled with chocolate? A sweet-waterbahn!
- What type of music do Dutch cheese makers love? Renesongs!
- What did the Dutch fisherman say when he caught a giant fish? “Holy cod, that’s a big one!”
- Why did the frog go on vacation to Amsterdam? To try out the famous lily pads in the canals!
- How does a Dutch astronaut drink his coffee? From a space-hagelsteen (coffee with sprinkles)!
- What do you call a Dutch artist who always forgets his paintbrush? A can’t-dutsch painter!
- Why did the Dutchman bring a ladder to Amsterdam? To reach the top of the famous leaning houses!
Smile your way through Amsterdam with these hilarious quotes!
- “In Amsterdam, even the bikes are higher than the tourists after a smoke.”
- “Who needs coffee shops when you can get high on the cobblestone streets of Amsterdam.”
- “Amsterdam, where tulips are the only thing getting higher than the tourists.”
- “In Amsterdam, getting lost is just part of the trip.”
- “They say diamonds are a girl’s best friend, but in Amsterdam, it’s a space cake.”
- “Why walk in Amsterdam when you can stumble through the Red Light District?”
- “Amsterdam: where even the windmills look baked.”
- “They say Amsterdam has a free spirit, but I didn’t know that also applied to free joints.”
- “I went to Amsterdam for the culture, I stayed for the weed.”
- “Amsterdam may be known for its canals, but let’s be real, it’s the cafes that really flow.”
- “In Amsterdam, they don’t have to worry about global warming, they’re already too high to feel the heat.”
- “Even if you’re not into art, you’ll still appreciate the masterpieces in Amsterdam’s coffee shops.”
- “The only downside to Amsterdam is trying to stay sober enough to pronounce the street names.”
- “I went to Amsterdam to find myself, but ended up just finding some dank strains.”
- “In Amsterdam, you’ll never feel alone with all those bikes watching over you.”
- “I thought I was becoming a Dutch master until I realized it was just the effects of the space cake.”
- “They say Amsterdam is the ‘Venice of the North’, but with all the canals and bikes, it’s more like ‘Venice on Wheels’.”
- “The best way to see Amsterdam? Through the smoke of a freshly lit joint.”
- “When in Amsterdam, do as the Dutch do and get high as a kite.”
- “I don’t always smoke weed, but when I do, it’s in Amsterdam.”
From Windmills to “High”-ways: Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Amsterdam
- “A bad day in Amsterdam is still better than a good day anywhere else.”
- “When in doubt, just go to Amsterdam.”
- “A wise man once said, ‘If all else fails, smoke some pot in Amsterdam.'”
- “Don’t judge a tulip by its color for it may just be from the Red Light District.”
- “In Amsterdam, the grass is always greener on the other side.”
- “An Amsterdammer’s heart is full of cheese and clogs.”
- “When life gives you canals, take a boat tour.”
- “Happiness is a warm stroopwafel in Amsterdam.”
- “The Dutch don’t believe in bad weather, only bad cafes.”
- “You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy a bike in Amsterdam and that’s pretty close.”
- “The best things in life are free, except for bicycles in Amsterdam.”
- “An empty stomach is the root of all evil in Amsterdam.”
- “What’s the difference between a Dutchman and a bicycle? The bicycle doesn’t run red lights.”
- “An Amsterdammer a day keeps the doctor away, but a stroopwafel a day keeps the sadness at bay.”
- “In Amsterdam, we don’t have problems, only temporary solutions.”
- “Going to Amsterdam and not eating cheese is like going to Paris and not seeing the Eiffel Tower.”
- “Life is like a bike ride in Amsterdam, sometimes you have to pedal through the rain to get to the sunshine.”
- “Don’t be afraid to get lost in Amsterdam, that’s when you truly find yourself.”
- “The key to happiness in Amsterdam? A bike and a strong liver.”
- “They say Amsterdam is the city of love, but let’s be real, it’s the city of cheese and weed.”
Amsterdam- A City Full of Cheeky Double Entendres and Playful Puns
- “I heard Amsterdam is the city of free love, but their red light district prices would suggest otherwise.”
- “They say what happens in Amsterdam stays in Amsterdam, but my souvenir t-shirt begs to differ.”
- “I had a smoking good time in Amsterdam, but I think I may have taken the term ‘high on life’ a little too seriously.”
- “I went to Amsterdam for the tulips, but came back with a whole new appreciation for ‘riding bikes’.”
- “Do you think they have a ‘joint’ bank account in Amsterdam?”
- “It’s no surprise that Amsterdam is known for its ‘coffee shops’, given their love for relaxing and ‘rolling’ with the punches.”
- “I tried to find the best ‘pot’ in Amsterdam, but all I got was a decorative clay vase filled with flowers.”
- “They say Amsterdam is a city of bridges, but I think they just use that as an excuse to stop and smell the ‘flowers’.”
- “I didn’t realize ‘cheese’ was such a popular souvenir in Amsterdam until I saw all the ‘wooden shoes’ filled with it.”
- “I didn’t know what to expect when I signed up for an Amsterdam canal tour, but I definitely didn’t expect to be fending off offers for ‘boat rides’.”
- “I never thought I would enjoy ‘bingo’ so much until I played it at a senior center in Amsterdam.”
- “Amsterdam is truly a city of culture, with its many museums and art galleries…but let’s be honest, the real draw is the ‘space cakes’.”
- “I came to Amsterdam hoping to see some windmills, but I ended up seeing much more of the ‘working girls’ in the red light district.”
- “I was feeling a little congested in Amsterdam, but after some time in the ‘coffee shops’, I was clear as a bell.”
- “I thought I was being culturally sensitive by trying to speak Dutch in Amsterdam, but apparently ‘stroopwafel’ is not a phrase they use often.”
- “I always wondered why they called it the Netherlands, until I spent a night out in Amsterdam and realized it’s because everyone there is ‘going Dutch’.”
- “I didn’t expect to find so many ‘munchies’ options in Amsterdam until I realized they take their fries and mayo very seriously.”
- “The canals in Amsterdam are beautiful, but the smell of ‘green’ in the air is what really sticks with you on a boat ride.”
- “I came to Amsterdam hoping to learn about Van Gogh, but instead I became the proud owner of my own ‘starry night’ experience.”
- “The saying ‘when in Rome, do as the Romans do’ definitely applies in Amsterdam, especially when it comes to indulging in some ‘special brownies’.”
Taking a ‘joint’ venture down the ‘canal’ of Recursive Puns about Amsterdam
- Did you hear about the Dutch king who loved weed? He was a real Amsterdam-sterdamus.
- Why did the tourists cause a traffic jam in Amsterdam? They were too busy canal-ling around.
- This city makes my heart sing-erdam.
- What do you call a bad chef in Amsterdam? A Hamster-Dam.
- I can’t wait to go to Holland and Amster-dam my pants from laughing so hard.
- Why did the mushroom move to Amsterdam? It wanted to experience some spore-tual enlightenment.
- What did the Dutch comedian say when his jokes fell flat? “Guess I’m not a come-modin, just an Amster-damn fool.”
- How do you say “I love you” in Dutch? Amster-do!
- What did the tourist say when he kept getting lost in Amsterdam? “I’m having some dam-problems finding my way around.”
- Did you hear about the magical mirror in Amsterdam? It always reflects Amster-dam-age.
- Why did Bob Marley never get lost in Amsterdam? He was always jamming, man.
- What do you call a Dutchman with a cold? An Amster-damned sniffler.
- I can’t wait for my trip to Amsterdam, I’ve been saving all of my dam-pennies for it.
- Why did the chicken want to move to Amsterdam? It was tired of living in a coop, it wanted to go HAMsterdam.
- Did you hear about the fish that lived in the Amsterdam canals? He was an expert at floater-crafting.
- What’s a pirate’s favorite city? Amster-damn straight it’s Amsterdam!
- Why do cats love taking naps in Amsterdam? Because they can always find a cozy cat-nam in a canal boat.
- What did the tulips say to the tourists in Amsterdam? “You can never have too many Amster-dam flowers.”
- Why was the bike so tired in Amsterdam? Because it was constantly being pedaled.
- What’s the best part of living in Amsterdam? You can always get high quality cheese and weed – it’s a win-win situation!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Amsterdam’s best punchlines!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dam. Dam who? Damsterdam!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Anne. Anne who? Annesterdam – the city of canals and tulips!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Weed. Weed who? Weedsterdam – where everything is green and chill!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bike. Bike who? Bikey-bikey, let’s go explore Amsterdam!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Van. Van who? Vansterdam – the capital of Netherlands!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Flower. Flower who? Flowersterdam – for all your floral needs!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cheese. Cheese who? Cheese-sterdam – where the cheese is always gouda!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Red light. Red light who? Red light district in Amsterdam, baby!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stroop. Stroop who? Stroopwafel-sterdam – the home of delicious Dutch snacks!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Canals. Canals who? Canal-sterdam – where the water flows through the streets!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bicycles. Bicycles who? Bicycle-dam – because bikes rule the road here!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Windmill. Windmill who? Wind-millions in Amsterdam – where the windmills never stop turning!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Amster-damn. Amster-damn who? Amster-damn, this city is amazing!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Tulip. Tulip who? Tulip-sterdam – where the flowers never wilt!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Heineken. Heineken who? Heineken-dam – for all your beer needs!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Can-nal. Can-nal who? Can-nal be happy in Amsterdam? Yes, you can!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Rembrandt. Rembrandt who? Rembrandt-dam – for all your art inspiration!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Amsterdam-style. Amsterdam-style who? Amsterdam-stylish, that’s how we do it here!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Van Gogh. Van Gogh who? Van Gogh to Amsterdam – it’s a masterpiece of a city!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dutch. Dutch who? Dutch-sterdam – the city of Dutch charm and culture!
Leaving You with Smiles & Dutch Laughter!
Well, folks, looks like we’ve reached the end of our journey through the land of cheese, canals, and bicycles. But don’t worry, we’ve stocked up on enough puns and jokes about Amsterdam to last you a lifetime. So go ahead, explore our other related posts and keep the laughter going. And as they say in Dutch, “Dank je wel” for joining us on this punny adventure. See you next time!
